Darya Dontsova

"Feng Shui without brakes"

Evlampy Romanova. Dilettante leads the investigation, # 24

If children refuse to eat oatmeal, try brewing it with beer.

“I’m not going to eat the gingerbread for any gingerbread,” Kiryushka rustled, looking at the plate.

- Porridge, - I answered cheerfully. - Believe me, very useful thing- gives energy, lowers blood cholesterol levels, improves complexion. Well, come on without antics!

“He wants caviar for breakfast,” Lizaveta said sarcastically. “Not eggplant, but black!

“There are some difficulties with caviar,” I retorted, “our personal supplier of delicacies is sick, we will have to do with hercules. In short, choose: either porridge, or ...

Pug Fenya sighed noisily, got up from the floor and looked at me with a pleading look. With all its appearance, the dog seemed to say: “What, Lamp, capricious children do not want to eat yummy food? Throw the porridge into my bowl, I'm ready to help you. Do not waste the good! "

- Rnet, dear, - I said, - with such a weight, one should refrain from gastronomic orgasms. You, daughter of a deer, have bought expensive cans of special food for obese dogs. I think you have to say thank you to me: despite the financial difficulties associated with our move to new house, nevertheless, I did not skimp on your medical food. By the way, why is food, which, according to the manufacturers' assurances, contains no fats, proteins or carbohydrates, is worth unrealistic money, eh?

Fenyusha, hanging her head, climbed under the table. I felt a prick of conscience - pugs know how to hunch their backs so that the owner, who did not give them treats, feels like an outright bastard, a greedy bastard, and no reasonable arguments that obesity is dangerous for dogs can correct his mood.

- So what choice do I have? - Kirik asked, picking at the oatmeal. - You started to say: "Either porridge, or ..."

“Or you’ll get nothing at all,” I summed up.

“I don’t like this alternative,” Kiryusha sighed.

I got up from the stool.

- Do me a favor, look around and tell me: where are we?

- In Mopsin, - Kiryusha answered. - In a wonderful house, which one clever boy traded on the site "Shilo-soap".

My gaze was directed to the window.

Most of us have a dream. Some people keep repeating all their lives: "B, had my fate been different, I would have become an astronaut."

Others, dreaming of flying on a rocket, do not whine, do not wait for gifts from heaven, but stubbornly follow the chosen path: they enter the aviation institute or flight school, strive to get to work in Evezdny town and, sooner or later, achieve their goal. Our family really wanted to have Vacation home and we found it almost magically. But, as usually happens, a realized dream does not always suit you.

My friend Lesya Kurkina, who passionately wanted to become a mother, drew a picture in her mind: a touching baby, dressed in a blue suit, babbling sweetly, sitting in a crib. In the end, the Lord took pity on Leska. True, a girl was born to her, it did not work out with blue, but Kurkina bought pink dresses and in the first days of motherhood cried with happiness. Eatem Leska began to make not entirely pleasant discoveries: her Natasha did not sleep at night, spat out food, constantly screamed, broke toys ... The only thing Natuska never did was babble in her bed. In my opinion, Nata was a very healthy baby, because if a child does not play pranks, he is sick. Passionately dreaming of offspring, Lesya somehow did not take into account that the period of infancy is short - the baby will grow up, turn into an independent person who will grow up and mature.

Yesterday Leska called me and cried:

- I'm terrified!

“And what is it this time?” I asked.

- I received a reprimand from the teacher in the kindergarten, - sobbed a friend. - Do you know what Natka did? I played at mothers and daughters for money.

- Cool, - I laughed. - How did it happen?

- I don't know, - Lesya admitted. - Natka is only four years old! Why would she want money?

It is useless to explain to Leska that children are supposed to be naughty. Do not live in her dreams, a super-exemplary boy, Nata's upbringing would not seem like a disaster to her friend - the boys are even more disgraceful. Lesa was lucky to give birth to a girl, but she is not able to appreciate her happiness. Such is human nature.

And I, Lamp Tsnbsp; Omanova, is no exception. Eaimev house in Mopsin, I am worried about the lack of furniture in it. There would be no rejoicing: it is June, the weather is fine, and we are not in stuffy Moscow, but in the forest, among the greenery and bird chirping - no, all the thoughts are that we have nothing to sleep on. From the furnishings, there is still only a bent-legged table and stools. But sofas, armchairs and so on - it's a real deal! But I got distracted ...

- There is nothing more disgusting in the world than hercules, - Kiryusha bored.

Chapter 1

If children refuse to eat oatmeal, try brewing it with beer.

“I’m not going to eat gingerbread for any gingerbread,” Kiryushka rustled, looking at the plate. - This is finally what?

“Porridge,” I answered cheerfully. - Believe me, a very useful thing - it gives energy, lowers blood cholesterol, improves complexion. Well, come on without antics!

“He wants caviar for breakfast,” Lizaveta said sarcastically. - Not eggplant, but black!

“There are some difficulties with caviar,” I retorted, “our personal supplier of delicacies is sick, we will have to do with hercules. In short, choose: either porridge, or ...

“Oh no, dear,” I said, “with such a weight, one should refrain from gastronomic orgasms. You, daughter of a deer, have bought expensive cans of special food for obese dogs. I think you have to say “thank you” to me: despite the financial difficulties associated with our move to a new home, I nevertheless did not skimp on your medical food. By the way, why is food, which, according to the manufacturers' assurances, contains no fats, proteins or carbohydrates, is worth unrealistic money, huh?

- So what choice do I have? - asked Kirik, picking the oatmeal. - You started to say: "Either porridge, or ..."

“Or you’ll get nothing at all,” I summed up.

“I don’t like this alternative,” Kiryusha sighed.

I got up from the stool.

- Do me a favor, look around and tell me: where are we?

- In Mopsin, - Kiryusha answered. - In a wonderful house, which one clever boy traded on the site "Shilo-soap".

My gaze was directed to the window.

Most of us have a dream. Some people keep repeating all their lives: "Oh, if my fate were different, I would have become an astronaut."

Others, dreaming of flying in a rocket, do not whine, do not expect gifts from heaven, but stubbornly follow the chosen path: they enter the aviation institute or flight school, strive to get to work in Star City and, sooner or later, achieve their goal. Our family really wanted to have a country house, and we found it almost magically. But, as usually happens, a realized dream does not always suit you.

My friend Lesya Kurkina, who passionately wanted to become a mother, drew a picture in her mind: a touching baby, dressed in a blue suit, babbling sweetly, sitting in a crib. In the end, the Lord took pity on Leska. True, a girl was born to her, it did not work out with blue, but Kurkina bought pink dresses and in the first days of motherhood cried with happiness. Then Leska began to make not entirely pleasant discoveries: her Natasha did not sleep at night, spat out food, constantly screamed, broke toys ... The only thing Natuska never did was babble in her bed. In my opinion, Nata was a very healthy baby, because if a child does not play pranks, he is sick. Passionately dreaming of offspring, Lesya somehow did not take into account that the period of infancy is short - the baby will grow up, turn into an independent person who will grow up and mature.

Yesterday Leska called me and cried:

- I'm terrified!

- And what this time? - I asked.

- I received a reprimand from the teacher in the kindergarten, - sobbed a friend. - Do you know what Natka did? Played mothers and daughters for money.

“Cool,” I laughed. - How did it happen?

“I don’t know,” Lesya admitted. - Natka is only four years old! Why does she need money?

And I, Lamp Romanov, are no exception. Having got a house in Mopsin, I am worried about the lack of furniture in it. There would be no rejoicing: it is June, the weather is fine, and we are not in stuffy Moscow, but in the forest, among the greenery and bird chirping - no, all the thoughts are that we have nothing to sleep on. From the furnishings, there is still only a bent-legged table and stools. But sofas, armchairs and so on - it's a real deal! But I got distracted ...

- There is nothing more disgusting in the world than hercules, - Kiryusha bored.

- So, so ... - I said sternly. - You know: Katya left for Orenburg to earn money; Seryozhka and Yulechka wander around the provinces - they conduct a PR campaign for an elderly pop diva and endure the whims of a granny who dreams of regaining her former popularity; I'm leaving for work in twenty minutes. Let me remind you: I gave up this year's vacation. In a word, everyone is trying to quickly equip the house and are ready to make sacrifices, and you ...

- Well, okay, okay, - Kirik muttered, - don't get started.

- Today they will bring the kitchen, - I decided to change the subject, - you need to accept the cabinets, count them, check the availability of the necessary fittings, screws, nails, other fasteners ...

- We are not small! - Lizaveta lifted her nose. - But why did you start in the kitchen? It's not so fun to sleep on an air mattress.

- We will gradually solve all the problems, we have to start somewhere, - I promised optimistically. - Bye then! I'm going to get dressed.

The children snuffled resentfully. I, not paying attention to their sour faces, quickly went to my room, pulled on jeans, a T-shirt and went down into the yard. I caught my breath with delight. Here it is, happiness!

The gentle sun warms the lawn with its rays. On the grass, among yellow dandelions and small white flowers unknown to me, there is a cot, covered with a blanket, on it with a belly up, spreading all four crooked paws, Mulya and Ada are sleeping. Capa, squealing happily, rushes around the bed, Fenya, who has not managed to beg for porridge from me, sits on the porch with a dreamy look. Rachel walks along the fence posing as a stern guard dog.

When we moved to Mopsino, two guest workers doing repairs at neighbors were horrified at the sight of the staff. I tried to calm down the builders, told them the absolute truth:

“Rachel has the look of a beast, but the character of Snow White.

But the poor Tajiks didn’t believe them; Reichukha seemed to them to be the character of another fairy tale.

- Why are you lying, huh? - said one. - The ears are big, the eyes are burning ...

Then Rachel barked out of place, and the guys were blown away. The staffie found their escape amusing, she instantly appreciated the new wonderful game and now wanders along the fence, waiting for the two "brave men" to leave the next house. As soon as the builders show up in the courtyard, Reichuha utters a deafening "wow wow!" and with a smile watches as they race into the building.

The staffie is just kidding! Rachel does not know how and does not want to bite, but only the guys are just cowards, they are even afraid of our yard terrier Ramik, who does not pay any attention to people and sleeps on the steps. Obviously, the dog has oxygen poisoning - the air in Mopsin is completely different from the Moscow cocktail of exhaust gases and poisonous emissions.

Feeling peaceful, I got behind the wheel and drove to work.

My parents tried to give their daughter a good education- I have a conservatory behind me, I have a harpist diploma. Great, huh? Especially when you consider that I hate stringed instruments. All my life I dreamed of becoming an investigator, but only my mother, an opera singer, and my father, an academician, could faint, if their daughter had the courage to express her desire out loud. Sometimes it seems to me that there is confusion in the heavenly office. I should have been born into a family of law enforcement officers. And, probably, somewhere near the mother-prosecutor and the father-operative there lives a woman longing for the harp. Here she scraps criminals, but she has to continue the dynasty. I repeat: we were confused, and I persistently try to change my destiny. Several times I found myself at work in detective agencies, but they, as a rule, closed, unable to withstand the competition. Now I have a new place: Nina Kosar, an experienced employee of the Ministry of Internal Affairs, founded her own business. Unlike many private investigators, Nina is a tough professional with connections, and she went all-in. Kosar sold her summer cottage, rented out an apartment to foreigners and opened an agency with the proceeds. She herself, together with the children, moved to her mother, endures, gritting her teeth, the daily pill of the parent and really wants to get out of the financial hole. Nina has no one to count on, she alone pulls her sons ( ex-husband does not show interest in the heirs, he is an alcoholic with all the ensuing consequences).

I parked in the courtyard, climbed the opulent marble steps and slammed open the heavy carved natural oak door. Entering the lobby, she nodded to the guard in black uniform.

- Hi, Kostya.

- I wish you good health, Evlampia Andreevna, - the guy stretched out.

I smiled involuntarily.

- Kostya ...

- I! - he barked memorized.

- Has Nina arrived?

- Yes sir!

I walked across the snow-white carpet to a small corridor leading to Kosar's office.

Just do not think that a posh office, coupled with well-trained security, belongs to us. By the way, I forgot to inform you that the agency is located in the very center of Moscow, not far from the Tverskaya metro station. Can you imagine the rent? Nina and I cannot afford one square centimeter of space here, the maximum we could count on was a basement in a house near the market outside the Moscow Ring Road. But the first thing a client pays attention to is the location and equipment of the office. If it is located in the Central District, in a cozy mansion with inlaid parquet floors and crystal chandeliers, then the office is thriving. After evaluating these indicators, the potential customer will examine the employees, so Nina and I wear mind-bogglingly expensive watches from world-renowned companies - our “alarm clocks” cost fifty thousand euros each.

Where does this luxury come from? Oh, I'll have to confess to an innocent deception. The luxurious mansion belongs to the prominent businessman Felix Lapin. At one time he was accused of murder, and all the evidence pointed to him. In general, Lapin would have been in prison for fifteen years strict regime without parole, but Nina had doubts about his guilt. She withstood a difficult battle with her superiors, who dreamed of quickly pushing the supposedly clear-cut matter off their shoulders, and managed to find the real criminal. Felix, having learned the truth, burst into tears in Kosar's office and said:

- Just tell me what you need. I'll do it instantly!

Since Lapin is successfully engaged in real estate business, Nina called him when we started looking for an office. Lapin brought us to this mansion and asked:

- Will two rooms be enough for you?

“Cool,” I sighed.

“Super,” said Nina. - But no.

- Did not like? - Felix was upset. - Girls, take a closer look, believe me: you won't find anything better!

- Yeah, - I nodded, - I suppose the rent is outrageous.

“We don’t have a lot of money,” Nina said, “all funds are invested in equipment and personnel. Sorry, we can't afford pathos.

“This office is free for you,” Lapin said. - Live here for free, as a VIP renter.

- You are crazy! - jumped up Nina.

“You saved my life,” he reminded her.

“Not for the office,” Kosar persisted.

Felix looked at me pleadingly.

- Lamp, explain to her! I'm from the bottom of my heart!

Two days later, Nina and I broke down, drove into the rooms and agreed with Felix: we occupy the premises for free, but Lapin sends us his clients, whom we, in turn, serve free of charge. Barter, so to speak.

The businessman agreed, my conscience and Nina calmed down. But ... Since that moment, enough time has passed, and Felix keeps his word - they don't bring us bills. However, there are no clients from Lapin either. While barter works in one direction.

And the watch for fifty thousand euros is a beautiful fake, brought from Asia. They cost only fifty, but they look magical and make the right impression. By the way, things are going well for us. I don’t know what the reason is: a pretentious office, the notorious "alarm clocks" or ours and Nina's intelligence and ingenuity. As you can imagine, I prefer the latter assumption.

Nina was sitting at the table, holding a blank contract in her hands, and in front of her in an armchair sat a young woman with brown hair, brown eyes and a beautiful full-lipped mouth. If it were not for the unhappy appearance, the stranger could seem a beauty. Despite the warm weather, she was wrapped in something blue-black, the lady pulled tight tights on her legs. I drew attention to the expensive lacquered ballet flats and recognized the bag that the visitor was holding in her lap. Lizaveta showed me one of these in a glossy magazine a couple of days ago.

- Tell me, cool? The girl asked with a breath.

“Nothing,” I replied indifferently.

Personally, I only like the bags that are sold at dog shows. As soon as I see an advertisement in the newspaper about the opening of a beauty dog contest, I immediately fly there, find a stall in which they sell bags with images of pugs, mongrels, dachshunds and other four-legged, and with a happy squeal I shop to the fullest. I have about ten of these bags in my closet, and I don't need others.

“Very, right to the point of eerie, I want one,” Lizaveta moaned.

I took the magazine.

- And where are they sold?

“There is the address of the boutique,” Liza answered hopelessly sadly.

- Well, I think for a birthday or New Year…

“No, Lamp, I'll never get Margot,” interrupted Lizaveta.

- What are you talking about? - I was surprised.

- "Margot" is the name of the bag. It costs thirty thousand euros! - blurted out the girl.

- You're lying! I gasped.

“Read the article,” Lizaveta sighed heavily. - "Margot" is named after Margarita Lanse, who was an artist and had a lot of lovers. Enjoyed great success with men! She smoked, drank and died from drugs. In honor of Lance, the house of John Varviano created a bag. Everyone dreams of this now. Having "Margot" is cool!

I looked at the photo in silence. It looks nothing special, I would have regretted a hundred dollars for such a craft: a rectangle made of leather with simple handles, only the original lock in the shape of an elephant is good. And then, was it worth perpetuating the memory of a lady who jumped from one bed to another and left for the next world with a joint in her teeth or with a syringe in her vein? This is a worthy example to follow. I wonder how many girls dream of becoming like a crazy drug addict?

“Margot is an investment of money,” Lizaveta explained in the meantime. - About thirty is a modern, unpretentious version, and vintage is off scale, there is no upper limit. A couple of months ago, one of Margarita's personal bags was sold at auction, she had more than a dozen of them. "Margot" in the seventy-second year from a crocodile went to a private collector, whose name was not disclosed. The starting price of the lot is seventy thousand euros, and during the bidding process it tripled.

- Fuck ... - I drawled.

- And also "Margot" is made to order, - Lisa rolled her eyes, - any colors and materials. They sew for six months, by hand. They say that craftswomen still pass every stitch with their teeth - for strength!

“I hope the handbag girls are thoroughly checked for viruses, fungi and other infections,” I winced in disgust. - It's unpleasant to unfasten Mont Blanc money and get hepatitis, AIDS, syphilis, herpes or tuberculosis.

“Naked mulatto women roll Cuban cigars on their thighs,” Liza retorted, “and nothing, people smoke calmly. It is easier to pick up an infection on the subway. God, how I want "Margot"! But she will break off figurines for me ...

I didn't argue. Sooner or later, any person understands: he will never have something. Diamond mines, oil fields, uranium mines and others like them are exclusive things. If your family doesn't have them, learn to make money yourself, develop your talent, show miracles of efficiency, become a unique specialist ... and then buy the notorious "Margo".

But the client, who is now sitting in front of Kosar, seems to have reached a peak in material wealth, since she bought a fabulously expensive bag.

Chapter 2

- And here is Evlampia Andreevna, - Nina was delighted.

“You can just Lamp,” I said quickly, sitting down at the table.

- Katya, - the client quietly introduced herself and raised her head.

I quickly re-evaluated her age in my mind. The visitor is a little older than it seemed to me at first, the age ranges between thirty-five and forty years. Yes, she has a Margot bag in her hands, only the lock is not in the shape of an elephant, like the one that Lisa showed me in the magazine, but in the shape of a snake.

- So we met, - Nina nodded. - Katyusha, will I bring the Lamp up to date? Moreover, she will be in charge of the investigation.

I gritted my teeth so as not to laugh. Nina knows how to splurge. The verb she uses "to lead" implies that Ms. Romanova has subordinates to whom she will issue orders. They say that Evlampia Andreevna herself is sitting in the office, studying the reports of the detectives entrusted to her, and swift-footed guys will rush around the city in search of information. But no! The reality is much simpler: I don't have any assistants at all, I myself have stacked several pairs of shoes, which the client does not need to know about at all. This is not a deception of the customer, but a tactical trick. I am smart, quick-witted, mobile, capable of non-trivial decisions, clear logical conclusions, and one can easily replace a dozen men. I wonder what this Katya needs with a bag "Margo"?

Nina folded her hands on the table and started a story, I tried to enter the situation. It struck me as very mundane.

Katya is a photographer, her pictures are willingly published fashion magazines... Please do not confuse her with the paparazzi. She does not rush into the crowd, clicking right and left with a camera in the hope of capturing something fried, does not climb into private parties, does not sneak into presentations without an invitation, hiding spy equipment under her clothes. Mrs. Vetrova works in the studio, where she invites stars of not the first magnitude. Second-plan VIPs willingly pose for Katya, because she does not offer disgusting poses and scenes to her models and does not apply disfiguring makeup on their faces. No red wigs, red noses, baggy suits and interiors in the style of a homeless man on the heating main. Katya loves glamor: satin, lace, gold, diamonds, rhinestones, furs ... She always corrects the image on the computer, and the heart of a star who opens a magazine with her portrait rejoices. Oh, how wonderful she looks! No wrinkles, no bags under the eyes, the oval of the face is flawless, a few centimeters of volume have magically disappeared from the waist and hips.

Katya has a reputation as a socialite and a lot of friends, but, as you understand, even a fashion photographer's fees do not allow living in a luxurious two-story apartment overlooking the Kremlin, driving a brand new jeep and having the notorious "Margo". The financial well-being of the family was ensured by the husband of Mrs. Vetrova - Oleg.

The spouse was in business - owned a production plant baby food... The Vetrov business began long ago and very successfully occupied an empty niche at a time when Russia was buying mixtures, mashed potatoes, juices and meatballs with rice abroad. They were expensive, many young families could not afford it, not everyone has loving grandparents who are able to support their grandchildren financially. And Oleg set up the production of Russian canned food and immediately became a market leader. Firstly, his products turned out to be cheaper than their foreign counterparts, and secondly, Vetrov has competently built an advertising campaign.

Several articles in newspapers on the topic “How foreigners poison our children with poisonous canned food” scared a lot of parents. Vetrov even managed to give interviews to TV people a couple of times.

- Look at overseas apples, - he broadcast from the screen, - they are like wax. Yes, big, beautiful, glossy. But are natural fruits like that? The wax, which is used to cover fruits for safety, is extremely harmful to the child's body, the peel must be peeled off before processing, and in fact it is the most useful. We only use Russian Antonovka. Well, where did our peasants get money for pesticides and herbicides, huh? They live in the old fashioned way ...

For several years Oleg managed to remain a monopolist in the market, but then large corporations woke up and began to master the lost segment. They began to push Vetrov to the side, he got nervous and came up with the "Calm" food. Competitors could only grit their teeth with envy when Olezhek released a wonderful novelty for sale.

It's no secret that now in large cities there are a lot of hyperactive kids. Such a baby, who does not sit still for a minute, is a real punishment for mom. The ugly one must constantly deal with, in the evening, when a tired father comes from the service, he is met with a complete defeat: the room is strewn with toys, the wife is in hysterics, the offspring, who has been running around the apartment all day, screams from overexcitement, one bending sausage is stored in the refrigerator. And instead of having a peaceful evening, the spouses begin to sort things out, a scandal breaks out ...

Vetrov offered a simple solution: a jar of "Calm". You need to eat food half an hour before bedtime. The glass container is closed with an originally made lid with a sticker, which changes when the baby twirls it in his little hands: tilts to the right - the piece of paper is red, turns to the left, and it is already blue. An unassuming thing, but the child could play with it while his mother shoved a spoonful of food into his mouth.

If you bought at once a box, forty-eight cans of "Calm", then, in addition to the discount, you also received a coupon. Once a month, coupon holders participated in a drawing, and the winner was sent to a professional photographer to shoot. A trifle, but nice. Oleg managed to negotiate with a magazine for young parents, and he began to arrange contests for kids. The nominations were: "The fattest", "The most curly", "The most ruddy".

Of course, Oleg did not manage to climb to the top of the sales pyramid, but he confidently kept in the middle, which maddened his competitors. Laudatory responses from moms began to appear in the press. Okay, they could be counted as PR actions, but Internet users also expressed delight. Of course, cunning businessmen use the World Wide Web with might and main. Not so long ago, some bloggers too obsessively praised one supermarket chain, though it turned out pretty quickly: the merchants bribed the people, they gave the “support group” special discount cards. But the praise for “Calm down” looked naively honest.

“I thought I'd kill my son in fig! - the young mother admitted in her diary. - Shrieked Nikitos non-stop! Can't stop without a break! Well, straight to the end! The husband will come home and get worse than his son, he bears at me: “A good mother is in order, but you…” Thank you, mother-in-law bought “Calm down”. I forgave her all the nasty things for that. "Calm down"! That's where happiness is! Take a whole box at once! "

Why the children fell asleep peacefully, having tasted the contents of the jar, no one understood. It seems to be the most common semolina with additives! Maybe a sticker success? Oleg just smiled and answered questions simply:

- I love children, that's the whole secret.

Recently Vetrov was invited to participate in the Interview show on one of the cable channels. The host of the program, a beautiful lady named Ulyana, began to torture the businessman and finally said:

- Here we have in the studio of the bank "Uspokoiki". Is it absolutely safe for health?

- Of course, - Oleg nodded.

- No sleeping pills?

- We were checked repeatedly, - Vetrov grinned, - both parents and other producers. They bought food in the store and carried it to the laboratory.

- And everything is clean?

- This is a quality product, - Oleg shrugged his shoulders. - We produce three types: with sugar, without sugar and with fruit.

- What do you feed your children? - Ulyana did not calm down. - Are you ready here in front of the spectators to give your own baby the products of your company? My assistant bought a jar in a store next to the studio ...

“I have no children,” the guest replied calmly. - Would you like to eat the contents of the can myself?

- Come on, - the TV star was delighted. - Please, start!

- This is the most purchased option, without sugar. Pay attention to the date and carefully turn the cover. There must be cotton, if not, throw away the jar. Here, chpok! Means sealed packaging. Where is the spoon? Yeah thanks. MMM tasty! I'll tell you a secret, “Calm down” is often bought by elderly people as an alternative to sleeping pills. I love her myself.

- Is it really harmless porridge inside? - Ulyana asked disappointedly.

- I look like an idiot who will ruin his health? - Oleg chuckled. And suddenly he grabbed his chest. - Oh!

- What?

- The heart, - the businessman managed, - is pounding ... again ...

The presenter stared at Oleg, the studio froze. Vetrov rolled his eyes and fell on the sofa. Thousands of TV viewers witnessed a hitherto unprecedented show called Death Live.

“Well, well,” I muttered. "Is he really dead?"

- Yes, - Katya whispered, - he's dead.

I looked reproachfully at Nina. Well, when will she get rid of the cop's straightforwardness? Now Katya will be offended ... Although it is still not clear to me why she came to us.

But the widow acted unexpectedly.

“That's right,” she nodded. - Sales fell to zero, a video of the program appeared on the Internet, and it broke all viewing records. If it goes on like this, the business will collapse. Find the killer! I am ready for any of your conditions!

- Wait a second ... - I stopped Katya. - Who is killed?

“Oleg,” she replied grimly. - It is strange that you did not understand.

- But who took your husband's life? - Nina and I asked in unison.

- If I had an answer to this question, I would not have come here! - Katya smiled sadly.

Nina and I looked at each other.

- What did the police say? - asked Kosar.

- Heart attack, a sharp disruption of the heart. I don’t know much about medical terminology, ”Katya explained nervously.

I tried to clarify:

- Oleg died in the studio, he was there with the host Ulyana. You suspect murder, but let's think logically. How could Ulyana take your husband's life?

Katya frowned:

- There were really two of them in the frame, but on set there was a breakthrough of people - administrators, cameramen, sound engineers, director, make-up artists, costume designers, cleaners ...

- Oleg arrived at the TV center healthy? - asked Nina. - He didn't feel unwell?

“No,” Katerina shook her head.

- In general, he complained of pain in the heart? - I entered.

- Never.

- Did you take any medications?

- Didn't even touch the pills! - Katya exclaimed. - Yes, you understand! The husband did not drink, a glass of champagne for the New Year does not count. I have not smoked. He didn't cheat on me. I did sports. I visited the fitness room twice a week. Once a year, he was examined at the clinic. I went to bed at eleven, got up at eight. We don't have smoked sausages, fatty foods and strong coffee in our house. Vegetables, fruits, fish, olive oil- this is our usual menu. Well, sometimes eggs and cottage cheese. He was only allergic to animals, but that's no big deal.

“I can't believe it,” Nina sighed.

- What, and do not eat sausages? - I was interested.

Katya folded her arms over her chest.

- I buy food exclusively from an organic food store. A month before the tragedy, Oleg did a cardiogram and he was told: his health is amazing, for three.

- Jinxed, - summed up Nina.

- He was killed! - Katya objected. - By the way, the police also reacted to my words. They just didn't get kicked out. They listened, but did not open the case.

In Kosar, shop solidarity was instantly awakened.

- So there is no reason! Heart attack is not a crime.

“No, Oleg was poisoned,” Katya whispered. - Someone decided to remove a competitor ... But why “someone”? Why should I be almond? Dima Tykov, this is his job!

- Even if we assume that a certain person had criminal intentions, how did he carry them out? - Nina was amazed.

- They put the poison in a jar, - Katya gave her version of events, - my husband ate porridge and died ...

- The lid made a cotton, - I reminded, - the tightness was not broken.

- I read that in America they caught a man who pierced packages with juice in supermarkets, - Katya perked up, - and with a syringe injected poison into them. A lot of people are sick! In such a barbaric way, one firm decided to drown another.

- "Calm" is sold in glass, and you can't pierce it, - I sighed. - The cover is metal, you can't pierce it either.

- How do you know? - Nina was amazed.

- Yes, I saw it in the supermarket, - I answered vaguely.

Well, do not admit that I myself like to gobble up a jar of semolina for babies before going to bed! By the way, baby food is very tasty, but it doesn't affect my sleep. As I slept in the sleep of a righteous man before I was infatuated with "Calm", and now I sleep without hind legs.

- Tykov suggested that Oleg merge into one concern, - Katya continued, - her husband refused, so Dmitry took revenge on him. He thinks I'm scared and he can easily get the business. Figuring under his nose! Now I will start to run the plant myself. I will learn all the tricks.

- It is very stupid to persecute the owner of the brand that you intend to grab on air, - Kosar shook her head doubtfully. - The people do not care what surname the owner has, Vetrov or Tykov-Bykov-Mykov ... Businessmen do not care about games common man, he needs good canned food. But the buyer will remember firmly how a person glued the flippers, having eaten in the studio “Calm down,” and forgive, goodbye to the good name of the product. Why, one wonders, ruin the reputation of the product that you decided to get hold of? The whole operation is meaningless.

- Tykov hated Oleg! - Katya shouted loudly. - It's not a secret for anyone!

“It’s all the more unreasonable to kill him in the studio,” said Nina. - What did Tykov want? Oleg's business to grab or his death?

- Both! - Katya got nervous.

- And what more? - Nina rolled at her with a tank.

“Well… I think… business is bigger,” Katerina had to admit.

- Oh, we got there! - Nina raised her finger. - It turns out that there was no need for murder. Alas, there was a heart attack. Without any crime.

Read about the history of the acquisition of a country house by the Romanov family in the book by Daria Dontsova "Plywood of Milosskaya", publishing house "Eksmo".

Read more about the biography of Evlampia Romanova in the book by Daria Dontsova "Manicure for the Dead", Eksmo Publishing House.

The name of the bag was invented by the author. Matches are random. But in the world there are personalized leather goods produced by a number of companies. They usually cost a lot of money. For example, "Kelly" and "Birkin" are named after the actresses Grace Kelly and Jane Birkin.

45 Caliber Smile
Dontsova Daria

Dasha Vasilieva has been invited to a dinner party with Professor Yuri Rykov. Imagine her indignation when the next morning the Rykovs accused her of stealing the Faberge golden egg, which was supposedly their family heirloom. The boulevard newspaper "Ulet" published an article where Dasha was also called a thief. To protect her reputation and help return the egg to its rightful owner, Amalia Korf, private investigator Dasha Vasilyeva begins her own investigation. And then one by one on ...

The figure of light shocking
Dontsova Daria

You want to do what is best, but it turns out ... A terrible story! I, a private detective Evlampia Romanova, agreed to help the client play the role of Professor Antonov's niece and fell into a nightmare situation. I was accused of murder! The lady customer is, of course, cunning, but the Lamp is not sewn with bast either. I'll find out for free where the legs grow from in this case ... But here, completely inappropriately, all the devices in my house went out! Now you can't cook food, watch TV, or boil tea ... But in ...

Treasure Island picnic
Dontsova Daria

Ivan Pavlovich Podushkin again found himself at the epicenter of events! His friend Yegor Druzhinin is a big amateur extreme entertainment- died suddenly. And on the night after the funeral, Vanya was woken up by a phone call. I called ... Yegor and tearfully begged to get him out of the grave. Crazed with horror, Podushkin rushed to the cemetery and dug Yegor. He said that he wanted to joke "cool" - to arrange his own funeral, and then "resurrect" at the commemoration. Imagine the reaction of the mourners! But a well-designed scene ...

To deal with your cop
Polyakova Tatiana

Life sometimes throws up plots better than any detective story. So the writer Anfisa Glinskaya, along with her faithful friend Zhenya, was again drawn into a tangled and bloody story. The six-year-old daughter of their acquaintances, Lelka, was kidnapped. Anfisa's husband, special forces colonel Roman, is trying to help the unlucky detectives, especially since the investigation is becoming too dangerous. Someone ruthlessly cracks down on the kidnappers. And it seems that a thin thread leading to the little girl is about to break. But it's not for nothing that Anf ...

Taking out the case
Dontsova Daria

One by one, fellow students of Dasha Vasilyeva perish. A Volkswagen that flew out from around the corner crushed Zoya Lazareva, who was crossing the road, under the wheels. Having passed twice over the lifeless body, the car sped away. Who was driving this car? And isn't the mysterious Zhok connected with these murders, on whose trail, at the request of Interior Ministry Colonel Degtyarev, a desperate lover of private investigation Dasha Vasilyeva is trying to get out? ...

Hobby of the ugly duckling
Dontsova Daria

The fatal bad luck in the family of Dasha Vasilyeva began after the weekend, which they all spent at the stud farm of their acquaintances, the Vereshchagins. There was another respectable couple - Lena and Misha Kayurov, owners of two horses. True, six months ago, when Dasha met the Kayurovs, they were just beggars. And Lena, who then threw a rag doll out of the window onto Dasha's car, was absolutely insane. Now she seemed completely healthy ... Then Daria overheard the Kayurovs quarrel, and later Lena was found m ...

A fish named Bunny
Dontsova Daria

Guard! Ivan Podushkin is in time trouble! Not only that, his owner and the owner of the detective agency "Niro" drove off to Switzerland to learn to walk again after the operation. She also instructed her secretary to renovate the entire apartment for her return. And now unfortunate Vanya, like a miserable bobby, rushes through the shops in the heat in search of super-toilet bowls, musical sinks and baths. Naturally, for the time of the renovation, he had to move to live with his mama, which in itself is not sugar, and then they had to ...

House of aunt of lies
Dontsova Daria

Truly, life is full of miracles! Especially from the lover of private investigation Dasha Vasilyeva. Grieving about the sudden death of Paulie, the daughter of her friend, Dasha came to the morgue to pick up the body. And there she was told that the girl ... came to life. It turns out she was just comatose. And laughter and tears! Now an unclaimed coffin has appeared in Dasha's country house, in which ... a pit bull sleeps. And then a terrible thing happened - Polya nevertheless died, having lost control of someone else's car. And Dasha immediately begins to search ...

March cat benefit
Dontsova Daria

Dasha Vasilyeva is catastrophically lucky with corpses! .. Only she agreed to go to a classical music concert with an imposing man Stas Komolov - and now he is already a corpse. During the intermission, Dasha ran for water and drops for him, I thought he was feeling bad from the stuffiness, but he take it and die. And the next day the cops showed up at her house. They clearly suspect Dasha of murder. What to do? Run, of course! And now she is already at the Kursk railway station with a bag in one hand and the pug Hooch in the other. Behind the lover's back ...

Cinderella in chocolate
Dontsova Daria

How can I, Evlampia Romanova, stay away if a friend is sick? Awful: Vova Kostin has no stomach! This was the diagnosis made in a paid clinic. Nonsense, the doctors are lying, he eats with what appetite! They lie to get money for treatment. The wrong one was attacked! No wonder Mrs. Romanova is an employee of a private detective agency! So I will go and deal with the horsemen who make such diagnoses for such money!

By the way, where did he get it from the head of the department of the polyclinic ...

Darya Dontsova

FENG SHUI WITHOUT BRAKES

If children refuse to eat oatmeal, try brewing it with beer.

“I’m not going to eat gingerbread for any gingerbread,” Kiryushka rustled, looking at the plate. - This is finally what?

“Porridge,” I answered cheerfully. - Believe me, a very useful thing - it gives energy, lowers blood cholesterol, improves complexion. Well, come on without antics!

“He wants caviar for breakfast,” Lizaveta said sarcastically. - Not eggplant, but black!

“There are some difficulties with caviar,” I retorted, “our personal supplier of delicacies is sick, we will have to do with hercules. In short, choose: either porridge, or ...

- So what choice do I have? - asked Kirik, picking the oatmeal. - You started to say: "Either porridge, or ..."

“Or you’ll get nothing at all,” I summed up.

“I don’t like this alternative,” Kiryusha sighed.

I got up from the stool.

- Do me a favor, look around and tell me: where are we?

- In Mopsin, - Kiryusha answered. - In a wonderful house, which one clever boy traded on the site "Shilo-soap".

My gaze was directed to the window.

Most of us have a dream. Some people keep repeating all their lives: "Oh, if my fate were different, I would have become an astronaut."

My friend Lesya Kurkina, who passionately wanted to become a mother, drew a picture in her mind: a touching baby, dressed in a blue suit, babbling sweetly, sitting in a crib. In the end, the Lord took pity on Leska. True, a girl was born to her, it did not work out with blue, but Kurkina bought pink dresses and in the first days of motherhood cried with happiness. Then Leska began to make not entirely pleasant discoveries: her Natasha did not sleep at night, spat out food, constantly screamed, broke toys ... The only thing Natuska never did was babble in her bed. In my opinion, Nata was a very healthy baby, because if a child does not play pranks, he is sick. Passionately dreaming of offspring, Lesya somehow did not take into account that the period of infancy is short - the baby will grow up, turn into an independent person who will grow up and mature.

Yesterday Leska called me and cried:

- I'm terrified!

- And what this time? - I asked.

- I received a reprimand from the teacher in the kindergarten, - sobbed a friend. - Do you know what Natka did? Played mothers and daughters for money.

“Cool,” I laughed. - How did it happen?

“I don’t know,” Lesya admitted. - Natka is only four years old! Why does she need money?

- There is nothing more disgusting in the world than hercules, - Kiryusha bored.

- Well, okay, okay, - Kirik muttered, - don't get started.

- We are not small! - Lizaveta lifted her nose. - But why did you start in the kitchen? It's not so fun to sleep on an air mattress.

- We will gradually solve all the problems, we have to start somewhere, - I promised optimistically. - Bye then! I'm going to get dressed.

When we moved to Mopsino, two guest workers doing repairs at neighbors were horrified at the sight of the staff. I tried to calm down the builders, told them the absolute truth:

“Rachel has the look of a beast, but the character of Snow White.

But the poor Tajiks didn’t believe them; Reichukha seemed to them to be the character of another fairy tale.

- Why are you lying, huh? - said one. - The ears are big, the eyes are burning ...

Feeling peaceful, I got behind the wheel and drove to work.

My parents tried to give their daughter a good education - I have a conservatory behind me, I have a harpist diploma. Great, huh? Especially when you consider that I hate stringed instruments. All my life I dreamed of becoming an investigator, but only my mother, an opera singer, and my father, an academician, could faint, if their daughter had the courage to express her desire out loud. Sometimes it seems to me that there is confusion in the heavenly office. I should have been born into a family of law enforcement officers. And, probably, somewhere near the mother-prosecutor and the father-operative there lives a woman longing for the harp. Here she scraps criminals, but she has to continue the dynasty. I repeat: we were confused, and I persistently try to change my destiny. Several times I found myself at work in detective agencies, but they, as a rule, closed, unable to withstand the competition. Now I have a new place: Nina Kosar, an experienced employee of the Ministry of Internal Affairs, founded her own business. Unlike many private investigators, Nina is a tough professional with connections, and she went all-in. Kosar sold her summer cottage, rented out an apartment to foreigners and opened an agency with the proceeds. She herself, together with the children, moved to her mother, endures, gritting her teeth, the daily pill of the parent and really wants to get out of the financial hole. Nina has no one to count on, she alone pulls her sons (the ex-husband does not show interest in the heirs, he is an alcoholic with all the ensuing consequences).

I parked in the courtyard, climbed the opulent marble steps and slammed open the heavy carved natural oak door. Entering the lobby, she nodded to the guard in black uniform.

- Hi, Kostya.

- I wish you good health, Evlampia Andreevna, - the guy stretched out.

I smiled involuntarily.

- Kostya ...

- I! - he barked memorized.

- Has Nina arrived?

- Yes sir!

I walked across the snow-white carpet to a small corridor leading to Kosar's office.

Death of a famous businessman on the air! The rating of the TV show "Interview" has skyrocketed after such a sad event! But Oleg Vetrov's wife is sure: her husband was killed. To investigate this mysterious case, she turns to our detective agency. Now I, Evlampia Romanova, will have something to do in the near future. The most interesting thing is that no one approached Vetrov during the TV broadcast, he just ate a couple of spoons of baby food from his own company ... and got a heart attack. Okay, I unraveled and not such intricacies, I will figure this out too. You will be very surprised, but the main piece of evidence in the case turned out to be "Margot" - the most expensive handbag in the world! ..

Darya Dontsova

FENG SHUI WITHOUT BRAKES

Chapter 1

If children refuse to eat oatmeal, try brewing it with beer.

“I’m not going to eat gingerbread for any gingerbread,” Kiryushka rustled, looking at the plate. - This is finally what?

“Porridge,” I answered cheerfully. - Believe me, a very useful thing - it gives energy, lowers blood cholesterol, improves complexion. Well, come on without antics!

“He wants caviar for breakfast,” Lizaveta said sarcastically. - Not eggplant, but black!

“There are some difficulties with caviar,” I retorted, “our personal supplier of delicacies is sick, we will have to do with hercules. In short, choose: either porridge, or ...

- So what choice do I have? - asked Kirik, picking the oatmeal. - You started to say: "Either porridge, or ..."

“Or you’ll get nothing at all,” I summed up.

“I don’t like this alternative,” Kiryusha sighed.

I got up from the stool.

- Do me a favor, look around and tell me: where are we?

- In Mopsin, - Kiryusha answered. - In a wonderful house, which one clever boy traded on the site "Shilo-soap".

My gaze was directed to the window.

Most of us have a dream. Some people keep repeating all their lives: "Oh, if my fate were different, I would have become an astronaut."

My friend Lesya Kurkina, who passionately wanted to become a mother, drew a picture in her mind: a touching baby, dressed in a blue suit, babbling sweetly, sitting in a crib. In the end, the Lord took pity on Leska. True, a girl was born to her, it did not work out with blue, but Kurkina bought pink dresses and in the first days of motherhood cried with happiness. Then Leska began to make not entirely pleasant discoveries: her Natasha did not sleep at night, spat out food, constantly screamed, broke toys ... The only thing Natuska never did was babble in her bed. In my opinion, Nata was a very healthy baby, because if a child does not play pranks, he is sick. Passionately dreaming of offspring, Lesya somehow did not take into account that the period of infancy is short - the baby will grow up, turn into an independent person who will grow up and mature.

Yesterday Leska called me and cried:

- I'm terrified!

- And what this time? - I asked.

- I received a reprimand from the teacher in the kindergarten, - sobbed a friend. - Do you know what Natka did? Played mothers and daughters for money.

“Cool,” I laughed. - How did it happen?

“I don’t know,” Lesya admitted. - Natka is only four years old! Why does she need money?