Today we are talking about love again. Or rather, not even about love, but about psychological dependence. Again and again, in the “Question to a Psychologist” section, I receive letters from people who suffer from such an addiction. And I want to repeat to you again and again that one does not suffer from true love! True love is light, joy and happiness. Everything else is a psychological addiction that anyone can fall into.

How to get rid of love addiction

So, a letter from Valentina:

Question: Good afternoon, Catherine! I have been suffering from this addiction for a long time, but I found out about it only recently. I was just tormented by longing, and, looking through the pages of the Internet, I came across the same story as mine. Let me tell you a little about her. Twenty years ago, a young man, 8 years older than me, began actively looking after me. He was the soul of the company, women loved him, and he did not refuse them attention. I liked him too, but I, as a proud girl, did not show it.

And I became very shy of him when he publicly began to show me signs of attention. He made it clear to everyone that this was “my woman”. I considered him a womanizer and was sure that he would “whack and quit”. There were a couple of dates, I did not support him in any way in his desire to fix something, and at one fine moment he simply stopped calling. A couple of weeks later I found out that he was dating my friend. A month later, they are getting married. He met me at the party, approached me, quietly said "I'm sorry!". I calmed down - it means that I was right, he is just a womanizer! We did not lose contact with him, because. we have general work, albeit in different cities.

A year later, I got married. I was happy because I was truly loved, and I knew and I know that for my husband I am the only woman on earth. I didn’t hear about Him for 10 years. And I generally forgot that he exists in this world.

After 10 years, we met again at a common event. My husband and my "ex" met, although they had heard about each other for a long time. We became family friends. Either they will come to visit us, or we will. He was the initiator. Seeing that I have two sons and excellent living conditions, in my hearts, with resentment, I blurted out “of course, how could I give you all this ?!” I was surprised. Has he forgotten anything? He came to see how I live without him? And, at one “wonderful” moment, he came to us for work, and, having caught me alone, he suddenly blurted out that he loves, that after a year of his marriage he realized that he had made a mistake. But, he does not pretend to anything, he just wants me to know this.

Of course, I understood that men don’t say these words “just like that”, he tried to “attract” me, touch me and cause, probably, pity for him. I still don't understand why me? Why did he need this?! He never had a lack of female attention. I reciprocated. The remaining resentment for not being achieved, neglected, pushed me into this relationship. He wanted to prove that I was not a "blue stocking", and he lost a lot by choosing not me. So we got busy. We saw each other 1-2 times a year. Fleeting. In the eyes - warmth and love. And the understanding that neither one nor the other will leave their families. Sometimes they could retire and say pleasant words to each other. Kisses, hugs.

A couple of times - in the 15 years of our relationship - we spent the night together. But then - it's a shame to look into the eyes of husbands and wives, understanding the futility of relationships, longing, tears. Many times they took turns saying “stop!” to each other, you need to stop. Let everything be as it is!” But, after a couple of months, at the first meeting, they simply devoured each other with their eyes. And here is the result - he has a discord in his family, it comes to a divorce. My husband also understands that something is wrong with me. But to decide to take it and leave - neither one nor the other can. He says that he has a daughter, that he wants to give his wife a chance to change herself in order to understand and accept him. I understand that there will simply not be a better husband in my life than I have now. And since he connects his future with his wife, albeit not beloved, so why be nervous at all ?!

We can make vows to each other not to call or write. And indeed, we do not maintain relations in any way, neither by calls, nor by SMS, we do not communicate for months. But my thoughts are only about him. Jealous, sad. I torture myself with thoughts that he forgot me a long time ago, or simply “used me”. If we meet, then he behaves very restrained, as if avoiding me. But when I ask him directly - why are you so cold? the answer is if I let myself relax, then everything here will turn upside down. Answers, I understand. But it must be hard for him too. Hope so…

I want to keep good and real feelings for this person. Of course, deep down, I would like to be near him. But I don't want to put conditions on him. He is not ready for such decisive steps. Or does not want to change anything in the family. So comfortable and calm. I propose to keep everything as it is, a secret. But he is afraid that we will not be able to cope with emotions, although “it’s time to decide something”. He won't let me go. Our relationships involve certain obligations towards each other (calls, meetings, etc.), but we avoid them. To be honest, he is more active. I would call, but I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do. If it doesn't ring, then you don't need to go ahead.

We meet when there is no urine to just look at each other from the side. When relations seem to be getting better, the question arises: what's next? It turns out - nothing. Then the next question - well, why all this? And again farewells, promises not to call. A month later, I calm down and almost do not remember, but only until I see. So what should I do, that with this person I really had love? Is it better for us to separate or to achieve the goal of living together? Forgive me for this "romance", but I want you to understand my situation. Probably, it is banal and there are a thousand of them. Or maybe I need you to convince me that this is not addiction, but love .... So what should I do? Valentine.

Answer: Valentina, hello! It is very pleasant to read a letter from an adult, literate person. While I was reading, I concluded that you yourself know and understand everything. And there is no need to ask for forgiveness for the "romance", since there is simply nothing to ask for forgiveness.

Now about your situation. Twenty years ago, as I understand it, there was no close relationship between you, and, having met many years later, HE - wants to fulfill his youthful dream (or desire), YOU - are guided by resentment and want to make him regret that he got married not on you.

Valentina, please look at the situation with sober eyes. Remove emotions, resentment, feelings, experiences .... At least try to do it. Almost all men tell their mistresses that they do not love and have never loved their wives, but cannot leave them for any reason (illness, children, joint business, and so on). But in fact, the situation in their family may be completely different. His wife can be absolutely convinced of his love, and he himself is quite likely, but over the years he simply forgot about it safely (it’s more convenient for him). It often happens that a man tells his mistress that he cannot stand his wife, he does not even sleep with her, but at the same time a child can be born in his family, and then a second, and a third.

You should not believe everything that a man says, as a man proves his love not with words, but with deeds. He married his wife, he lived with her for many years .... So why do you think that he does not love her? Just because he says so? Or maybe it's just beneficial for him to say so?

Think about your husband too. Sometimes we begin to appreciate and love people close to us only when we lose them. Try, as realistically as possible, to live through the divorce situation with your husband and imagine that this person is gone from your life forever. That he is no longer around, there is no his reliable shoulder and strong hands. Apperciate things which you have! Well, you will divorce now and begin to live with that man. Do you think you will be happy? I am not sure about this. Life will begin, and since you are already adults with established habits and characters, this life and grinding to each other can be difficult. It is likely that all your love will simply disappear ....

Only the forbidden fruit is sweet, as you know. Romance, meetings, passion, tension, emotions, feelings. A living together- it's completely different. Are you ready to change your lifestyle? When people are not living together, they often idealize each other. Imagine - a ripe, red apple hangs on top of an apple tree and you really want to get it and try it, because it seems to you that those apples below are not so ripe and juicy. But that apple, which you can’t get in any way, shines so much in the sun, it seems so tasty and crunchy that saliva runs. And so, you substitute a ladder and pluck this apple. So what? Going down, you see that it is absolutely the same as all the others. It just seemed special to you from below. This is called idealization (that is, attributing something that is not really there).

Valentina, love is joy, love is kindness, love is purity, and when a man loves, he wants to constantly be near the woman he loves. And if a man wants to be close to a woman, then he will. Is there love between you? I can’t answer this question, but you can, you just have to look into your heart.

This man didn't want to woo you 20 years ago by marrying someone else. Will he be after you now? If he loves, he will, and if not, then, then his will. You should not put him any conditions and ultimatums, and even more so, to achieve him yourself. Our most important life goal and the goal is to be happy. Are you happy with it? Or, after all, does your relationship bring you more suffering and negative emotions than happiness? Are you asking how to get rid of love addiction while maintaining a relationship with a man? Why would you want to keep in touch with him? You can find a reason or a reason and just end this friendship with families.

And now to the question of how to get rid of love addiction

Unfortunately, this is such a “disease” that practically cannot be cured if the “patient” himself does not want to be cured of it. In this case, only time and absolute isolation from the object of love helps. So let's say, you need to go through a psychological breakdown, what is it I wrote in the article

It is best to contact a specialist who, together with you, would work through your situation From and To, and develop a treatment course. It can be self-tuning, or classes in groups. Unfortunately, not everyone can deal with this on their own and often, instead of visiting a psychologist, many women begin to turn to fortune-tellers or look for various information on the topic “how to bewitch a guy” or “how to become the only one for him.”

A lot depends on you, Valentina, on your thoughts. In order to get rid of love addiction, sometimes it is enough just to realize that this is not love at all, but a disease, and then everything will fall into place. Everything depends on ourselves. If we think that love is suffering, then so be it. If we clearly understand and know that love is joy and happiness, then why should we suffer? We make the choice ourselves. Sometimes love addiction arises as a result of children's complexes, old grievances, emotional blocks. Here we must understand that happiness and love are within ourselves and learn to feel these feelings, regardless of other people. Harmony in the soul leads to a sense of its integrity and understanding that our internal state and the feeling depends only on ourselves (I repeat this again and again!). If you want to suffer - suffer, if you want to live and rejoice - live and rejoice, because our whole life is our own choice.

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To get rid of love addiction on your own is not an easy task. It has its roots in the events early childhood, is associated with long-standing psychological traumas that have been repressed and cannot again penetrate consciousness. Very often, the victims of love addiction do not even realize that you can live in some other way.

The first step to recovery is acceptance of the fact that the tendency to get bogged down in destructive relationships is a disease and suffering is not romantic.

Shifting the focus from a loved one and his problems to himself.

This implies that all the energy that was previously expended in maintaining an unhealthy relationship, winning his love and / or solving his problems, will need to be directed to his own healing. Remember, no matter how much effort you put in to change it, it will not succeed. You can only help yourself in this situation. You, like no one else, deserve attention and care.

Your own recovery should be your number one priority. If you do this occasionally or half-heartedly, then you will not be able to resist the force of habit and change existing patterns of behavior. From now on, personal matters should become more important to you than meeting your loved one and discussing his problems. You no longer have to give up on your goals to avoid his nagging or anger. Making him happy is no longer your task.

Refusal of control and manipulation in relationships.

Do not impose your help where it is not asked for. Your beloved is an adult and knows as well as you how to cope with this or that life situation. But he will not show motivation while you do everything for him. By deciding what to do with him, you take responsibility for his life, and with it responsibility for his happiness and well-being. It is impossible to cope with this task, since happiness is an internal state, and no one but ourselves can provide it. But in case of trouble, the partner will always have someone to blame, because he completely relied on you. Use approval and praise only where it comes from pure heart, and not for the partner to do as you see fit. This is also manipulation. Give the chosen one more freedom in the relationship, do not track his actions.

If he gets in trouble, don't interfere. Let him find his way out on his own and thereby take responsibility for his life again. At this stage, you will have to connect self-control, so that for the first time just do nothing and say nothing. Even if the situation seems to be getting out of hand, respect your partner enough to believe that he can handle it on his own. He will probably begin to take offense at your inaction. But while he is sabotaging your attempts to change him, this struggle is external (he is fighting you), if they are not there, he will have to fight with himself. If you really want to help someone you love, help yourself first.

Don't play games.

The game is artificial method communication, it is used to avoid true intimacy. To some extent, games are present in healthy relationships, but in destructive ones they prevail. The most popular roles in co-dependent relationships are: "rescuer", "persecutor", "victim". They mean by themselves the achievement of the goal, becoming good, evil or helpless. Behind them lies a desire to see the repentance of a partner. Give up this game, it is not necessary to win the argument every time. You can simply leave the game by refusing to answer the dispute, which contributes to its continuation. It's like ping pong where you have to hit the ball once. Roles are not limited to words, they extend to the entire life scenario and begin to define behavior patterns, which is why it is so important not to get involved in games.

A woman who chooses the role of a "pursuer" will seek to find shortcomings in others and correct them. This is a struggle with the dark forces that defeated her in childhood, which she now, having adult experience, wants to fight back. In the role of "savior" a woman will take care of others. But the downside of caring is control. In her childhood there was a lot of chaos and deprivation, as an adult she tries to resist the fact that the situation will again get out of control. The "victim" will always depend on others, but her weakness has its own strength - this is the feeling of guilt that it inspires others. When you play games, you will always have the feeling that your happiness depends on someone else. Leaving the game means taking responsibility for your life, for your own decisions, actions and their consequences.

Take responsibility for your own life.

Analyze what in your life brings joy, and what troubles and disappointments. Remember all the pleasant and unpleasant things that happened to you, highlight the areas of life in which you experience the greatest difficulties (relationships with men, sex, career, communication with parents). For convenience, you can write everything down on a piece of paper. This will help you see recurring themes and automatic behaviors. For best result try to be extremely honest and frank with yourself. At this stage, your main task is to explore yourself. This will help you stop blaming others for the fact that life did not turn out the way you would like and deny your share of responsibility. Realizing this, you can begin to change those aspects of life that do not please you. You will have a freedom of choice that was not available while you considered yourself a toy in the hands of other people and circumstances.

Develop your own personality.

You have been so absorbed in taking care of your partner that you may have forgotten what you really like. Need to find it again. Don't be afraid to try new things, meet new people, go places you've never been, do things you haven't had the courage to do before. There are no mistakes in life, there are only lessons and they are necessary for development. Do not seek approval from a partner or parents if the relationship with them is broken. It is beneficial for them that you remain the same, then you yourself will not have to change.

Sometimes you will have to do even those things that you don’t want to, take care of yourself more and less about others, learn to stand up for your rights, ask for what you need at the risk of being rejected, say “no” if it benefits you instead of “yes” to please others. Pay more attention to your person, learn to make gifts for yourself, plan your day so that there is time for interesting and pleasant activities. Perhaps you will experience a feeling of emptiness, because you no longer need to live someone else's life. Feel it and accept it, gradually it will begin to be filled with your new goals and desires. If you do not do this, and still try to improve others, then the emptiness will remain forever. Don't be afraid to be spontaneous, improvise, this will balance your usual restraint and responsibility. As you develop, you reach personal maturity and move further and further away from childhood fears and destructive patterns of behavior.

Learn to be selfish.

Leave time every day that you can devote only to yourself and your development. Do not try to adapt to unpleasant life circumstances. Remember that personal desires and needs are very important and it is your direct responsibility to satisfy them. This new model behavior will inevitably cause displeasure of loved ones. Before, their well-being was your number one priority, and they loved it. Do not apologize or make excuses, be good-natured and cheerful. Don't take their resentment seriously and it will soon disappear. So they are trying to return you to the previous behavior, do not give in. Learning to listen to and follow your inner voice will help you develop healthy personal interests. Previously, you only picked up hints about the needs of others - turn off this wave, it prevents you from listening to your inner voice.

Don't be afraid to ask for help.

Doing all of the above steps on your own is not easy. If you feel that you are ready to break loose and return to the previous destructive patterns of behavior, do not be afraid to seek help. You can contact a support group or a therapist. Do this if you notice that, despite your best efforts, your life is changing not for the better, but for the worse. Many are afraid that going to a specialist will lead to the loss of such a significant relationship. This is completely optional, with a competent approach, recovery will affect not only your personality, but also relationships.

Under the influence of the changes that will begin to occur to you, your loved ones will also be forced to change. Someone is stopped by the fact that they will have to spend time and money on their own healing. Try to match these expenses with those you have already made to drown out the pain of a destructive relationship or a breakup that has not been experienced. Take here pointless purchases to distract, expensive gifts to a loved one to make amends, travel to forget, problems at work, due to your deplorable state of mind, neglect of health, to the point that expensive medical intervention is required, nights spent in tears. It is wiser to invest this money in your recovery and well-being.

In the West, love addiction is treated in groups that work on the principle of Alcoholics Anonymous. You will have to deal with your emotions on your own. There is no doubt that you will succeed!

12:41 3.01.2013

So, you came to the conclusion: your passion is destructive and causes you suffering. With your mind, you realize that it is high time to put an end to the relationship. But there's nothing you can do about it! Now it is important to understand: it is pointless to delay the end any further. It is naive to believe that you will be able to painlessly easily forget your loved one and get out of the crisis. The breakup of a relationship is a strong emotional trauma, and be prepared for the fact that the wound will hurt for a long time. But if you can translate emotions into a rational sphere and learn to control them, in time the pain will pass and only pleasant memories will remain.

Decision is made!

The hardest part is making the decision to cut the connection. Not the one that can be canceled when feelings flood over you again, but the one that is final and irrevocable. Until now, you have not done this because you consider the person you love to be your relatives and friends. It seems to you that he understands you (or will be able to understand), but circumstances prevent him from proving his feelings with deeds. Answer honestly: if he truly understood, loved and appreciated you, would he make you suffer like this? Mentally fence yourself off from him with an invisible wall. Say to yourself, “I don’t want to take this anymore. I am a strong and independent person. And I will not allow myself to be offended. From that day on, I forbid myself even to think about him.

Gestalt therapy

An important point: the relationship must acquire completeness. This will not happen while resentment and omissions live in your soul. The ideal option is to express to the object of passion everything that you think about it (in person, on paper, in email). If for some reason this is not possible, use the Gestalt therapy technique: put an empty chair in front of you and imagine that your passion is sitting there. Tell him everything that worries you: about how shameless and callous he is, about how he tortured you. But do not forget about the good: after all, he gave you pleasant moments! Thank you sincerely. And forgive - only then will your heart be free. And then say goodbye. Forever.

Contract with yourself

Any decision needs reinforcement. Make an "Agreement with yourself". Writing! Give yourself time to suffer: a week, two, three. This will be the time when you allow yourself to remember him with tears in your eyes and feel miserable and abandoned. As soon as the period of suffering is determined and recorded in writing, the situation will be under control. Use this time to intensely "live" emotions: learn to regulate them, like the sound on the radio. When feelings begin to overwhelm you, let them out (cry, remember, speak out loud), but every time after the "attack" smile and say: "That's it, now I don't think about it." You will be surprised how much easier it will be for you! In the contract, be sure to indicate the incentive prize that you will receive after its expiration: a box of expensive sweets, new shoes, or an interesting trip.

Discrediting the image

Women tend to idealize the object of their passion, attributing to him those features that he never possessed. Often behind the harsh "male" reticence lies an elementary inability to keep up the conversation, and his softness and pliability are just a consequence of internal weakness. So, take a blank sheet of paper and first describe all its advantages - it will surely be easy to do. Now focus on his shortcomings. Take off your rose-colored glasses and remember all the situations in which he did not behave the way you wanted. Think about whether he is really as kind, generous, smart, gentle, courteous, honest as he seems. And believe me: if it were so, you would not be sitting in tears now and not making this list.

Now destroy the half of the leaf with the enumeration of the merits without a trace. But re-read the shortcomings in those moments when longing rolls up to the throat.

"Filling" the soul

When your finger is cut, you hardly open the wound with a nail, but you probably smear it with brilliant green - so that it goes faster. Now you have the same wound in your soul, and if you constantly “pick” it, it will bleed. Use means that heal the soul: listen to your favorite music, watch a good movie, read a novel a la The Thorn Birds, go to the theater, have a party with your friends. Psychologists say that they are especially useful in such a state of play (with animals, children): they return us to children's reality.

In addition to the soul, the body also needs care. Solarium, gym, going to the beautician and hairdresser, shopping new clothes are all small acts of self-love. When a man leaves your life, to whom all the internal energy flowed, a void forms in your soul. Fill it with something productive and you won't have time to suffer.

In love of her own accord

Do you know how famous psychotherapists bring ladies out of love addiction? They ... fall in love with them! Usually a woman who is inclined to "hang" on a man suffers from mental loneliness. The therapist first creates an image of " ideal husband” in his own person, then transfers the patient’s feelings to himself, and only then gradually disappoints her and lowers her to the ground, reducing the dependence to “no”. For you, this technique can be a lifesaver! Try to transfer your emotions to a more accessible object - a person who cares about you, who loves and appreciates you. And first of all - on your own spouse (if you are married). Of course, you will not get 100% of the result, but you will surely refresh your feelings for your husband.

You are strong!

Psychologists assure that any woman has such an inner strength that allows her to change her profession without much effort every 5 years. So won't you survive the end of the novel? English scientists have already proven that love fever owes its appearance to catecholamines - biologically active substances that control the body's activities. If they are produced too rapidly, when a person is “shaking” from emotions and experiences, then after a while exhaustion and a decrease in their level occur. That's when apathy, longing and lack of interest in life come. So this phenomenon is natural, and there is nothing to be surprised at. Doctors give their recipe for love neurosis: always keep the body slightly elevated level catecholamines, but not to go too far - that is, to be in love in moderation. And for this you need to reconsider your attitude to love: maybe you just expect and demand too much from her? In the end, our life is what we imagine about it, and if you learn to receive only positive emotions from love, protecting yourself from torment and addiction, then you will become the happiest woman!

Signs of a fading relationship

A self-respecting woman will not cling to a relationship that needs to be ended - even if love still lives in her heart. She will find the strength to let go of a man who is no longer interested. How to define it?

• You become the initiator of your rare meetings.
• You want to tell him a lot, but the opportunity does not appear.
• He does what is convenient for him: your plans and desires are not taken into account.
• Thinking about him, you experience bitterness, pain, anxiety.
• You catch yourself on the fact that you are often immersed in memories: you grab onto the past, not finding anything in the present.
• You lose faith in yourself: you consider yourself unattractive, not smart enough, not sexy.

If all this is about you, say: "Goodbye!" first. If he does, it will hurt you a lot more.

Doesn't let go

It also happens like this: you made the decision to leave, you struggle with feelings alone, and he seemed to wake up: he calls, sends sms, even waits at the office. And offers to forget everything and start over! The heart is ready to tremble ...

Stop! Don't fall for this bait. Now he has revived, because he feels that he is losing you. You hurt his pride with your actions. He is trying to prove to himself (and to you) that you are dependent on him: if you call, you will come running. He really feels like he needs you right now. He is sorry to lose what you gave him. But as soon as you say "yes!", you can be sure - everything will return to normal, and you will again roar into the pillow. So be firm: ask him not to disturb you, change your mobile number, and if necessary, change your place of work. Break all the threads between you.

5 ideas that bring you back to life

Use them on your path to healing!

1. Diary of Joy. Fill your life with positive emotions! Every day, in a beautiful notebook, write down jlyj a joyful event that happened to you. Analyzing the minutes you have lived, you will learn to find joy in the simplest things.
2. A wish list. There can be 15, 45 or 124 of them. Transfer to paper everything that you have ever dreamed of, everything that you want to receive from life. Then group the desires into abstract, difficult to achieve and those that have a chance to be fulfilled, imagine an image of already fulfilled desires (reception of materialization of thoughts) - and move in the right direction.
3. Laughter therapy. A sense of humor is a great remedy for apathy and sad thoughts. Have an April Fool's Day: watch a comedy, browse joke sites, draw a caricature of your ex-passionate. And it will immediately become easier to live!
4. Fireworks of communication. This is what you need to not feel lonely. Come up with a funny nickname - and get into any chat: two hours of communication with strangers will revive you and remind you how much more cool men is in the world!
5. Creation. Indeed, why not pour out your feelings on paper? Maybe write a stunning story with a happy ending, which will then be published in a women's magazine? Or paint a picture called "Freedom"? Dare!

Meditation for the abandoned

“Oh, he left me! Oh, now I'm on my own!" What are you crying about? Why do I react so desperately to loneliness? I like to be surrounded by people, but I know how to live alone and celebrate my loneliness! This is the state when all strangers left and I was left alone with the person closest to me - with myself. After all, there is a whole world around me. What is there to cry about?

Yes, Small child when one is left screaming. No one entertains him, no one feeds him, and he himself is helpless. But why, left alone, do I scream and suffer? Am I still a little girl? Can't live without a babysitter...

The world did not undertake to take care of me and even more so to entertain, and if he gave me a good companion in life - thank you, world! If the fellow traveler left me - thank you for what it was! Yesterday we could celebrate our love together, today we will celebrate loneliness - this is normal. All outsiders are gone. I was left on my own. The person who left me makes me completely understand: apparently, he simply considers me an adult.

We all dream of falling in love and being happy, but often, instead of love, a strong passion and an obsessive emotional attachment to the object of adoration comes to us. Such a feeling brings pain and disappointment, it literally kills a person as a person. In psychology, this condition is called addiction.

What is love addiction

This is the strongest passion, but not love. Psychologists compare it with other types of human addiction, such as alcohol, drug or gambling addiction. Love addiction is psychological problem which often cannot be cured without the help of a specialist. However, most people take this feeling for love and continue to suffer, not knowing how to overcome emotional dependence on a person.

Love and love addiction

Comparing two feelings that, at first glance, seem similar, psychologists distinguish a number of differences:

• If the first is characterized by trust in a loved one, then the second causes a passionate desire to constantly control your soulmate. Almost always, such dependence is accompanied by a feeling of jealousy.
• Love and love addiction differ in purpose. In the second case, a person has one goal - to live not his own life, but the life of the object of passion. Their values ​​go by the wayside, the priority is the desires of a partner.
• Over time, a woman sees many shortcomings in her man, but she cannot refuse him.
• Dependence on the object of passion is almost always accompanied by self-doubt.
• If in love partners are individuals, then in relationships of dependence on each other they live according to the scenario: you must become the way I want.
• In a state of love, people spend time together because they are so comfortable, but they do not suffer in separation either. In dependency relationships, partners suffer even when separated for a few days.
• Love develops a personality, makes it self-improve. Depending is the opposite. A person loses himself, he becomes sad, suffers, becomes angry and confused. This condition needs to be treated.
• The state of dependence in most cases occurs with unrequited, non-reciprocal love.

Passion and love

Books are written about these two feelings and songs are written, but if the second brings happiness and does not lend itself to time, then the first passes quickly. In addition, in insane passion and love, other differences can be distinguished. A person in ardent passion does not obey reason and is capable of the most unpredictable actions. A storm of emotions boils in him, new desires appear, for example, to go in for sports, start drawing. He wants to do good deeds for others.

We can name the following physical signs of passion:

• distraction and inattention;
• rapid pulse;
• "formication;
• dilated pupils;
• increased sexual desire;
• trembling in the hands.

What is the difference between love and infatuation

Falling in love is like hypnosis, it is an obsession with always being close to a partner, even if without reciprocity. A real feeling is always mutual, arises with complete trust and respect for each other. Love differs from falling in love in that the first comes imperceptibly and leaves slowly or does not leave at all, and the second flies in like a hurricane and quickly disappears. Being in love is happiness, but when it turns into addiction, life turns into torture. A person who does not know how to cure himself, how to get out of love addiction, gradually loses his individuality.

Symptoms of love addiction

How do you know if you are in love or are in love with a relationship? You don't need to study psychology to understand this. Addiction is characterized by specific features:

• Assurances from acquaintances that this person is not a match for you cause irritation.
• The fact that you constantly think about the subject of passion can also be called a symptom of love addiction.
• You are sure that the most important thing in life is love.
• Even the thought of being alone is maddening.
• Breaking up with him is tantamount to the end of the world.
• Addiction is always accompanied by jealousy, perhaps a desire to avenge unrequitedness.
• Sacrificing one's own interests for the sake of the interests of a partner.
• In order not to lose the object of passion, you are ready to forgive him anything.

How to get rid of addiction

In this case, knowledge from the psychology of relationships will help. Various methods are offered to solve the problem, for example, such a simple practice as “visualization”:

1. You understand that you depend on the person and want to fight it.
2. Mentally imagine it and carefully consider it.
3. To get rid of addiction, imagine how a rope was stretched between you. One end is tied to you, the other to him. Note where it is tied, how strong it is, how it feels and looks.
4. Try to break this rope for a moment. Most people feel uncomfortable with this because this connection has been a goal for a long time.
5. Answer the question: "What do you expect from a partner?". And immediately think: “What benefit will this bring me?”. Take your time, find deep motivation.
6. Imagine that you are standing on the right, but with resolved problems. How you look, how you move. Touch yourself in your thoughts.
7. Turn to the subject of your addiction and again imagine a strong connection between you. Cut the rope and tie its other end to you, standing on the right.
8. Look again at the person with whom you cut the connection. Imagine that the torn end of his connection was reattached to him.
9. Come back to yourself rejuvenated.
10. Think about how easy it will be for you to communicate with other people. That's all, from now on you know how to kill the love for a man in yourself, so start acting. Do the exercise as needed.

How to get rid of love addiction to a man

The technique of psychotherapy described above provides only temporary relief. The problem is that codependency relationships are laid down in childhood and often it is impossible to solve them on your own. To make love addiction from a man go out of your life, do the following:

• Get rid of all his gifts.
• Write him a thank you letter and say goodbye.
• Do not call, temporarily do not communicate with mutual friends.
• Do not complain to your girlfriends - they will do more harm than help.
• Go on vacation.
• Allow yourself to be imperfect and educate yourself.
• Do not rush to enter into a new relationship, you need to be alone for a while.
• Think of yourself and don't remember the past.
• How to overcome addiction to a person? Free time is your enemy, fill it to the maximum.
• Write down in a notebook how you feel. After some time, it will be interesting to re-read and understand how things have changed.

How to get rid of love addiction to a married man

To deal with adversity Orthodox Church offers to turn to Orthodoxy, pray and ask God for deliverance from obsession. Psychologists advise to go on a long journey. New meetings, nature, impressions will not let you get bored. How to overcome love addiction? You need to relax. To do this, choose extreme sports or learning something new. Someone is mastering a parachute, someone is mastering pottery - all methods are good.

If you don't know , how to get rid of love addiction to a married man , remember the most important thing - you need to expand your circle of interests, because now it has narrowed down to one person. We need a new meaning to life. You can volunteer or look for a place where you can make a difference. Getting rid of love addiction will be easier if relatives and friends will support you.

How to get rid of love addiction to a woman

There is a misconception that only a woman can get into a relationship of dependence. A girl is also able to leave a man at the peak of a relationship. The difference is that the guy will not advertise his depression, considering it a sign of weakness. A man prefers to experience everything within himself and cope with longing and pain on his own, so others often do not suspect how unhappy he is. How to overcome love addiction for a man?

When a woman feels bad, she goes to see a specialist. A man tries to free himself from attachment. If love cannot be returned, he can plunge into alcoholism or carnal pleasures, commit suicide. According to statistics, one in eight suicidal people do this because of emotional devastation. Addiction in men is caused by low self-esteem and the treatment should be to increase it. Start doing your favorite thing or self-development. If such therapy does not give results, you should think about changing your place of residence for a while.

How to get rid of psychological dependence on a person

First you need to understand that the problem exists and try to get to the bottom of the cause of this condition. If a child grew up in a deficit of parental love, then all his life he will look for this feeling in other people. To get rid of psychological dependence on a person , you have to learn to love yourself. If you cannot do it yourself, you need to contact a specialist.

Love addiction is when a person is dependent on feelings, another person, and I experience suffering from this, and cannot and does not know how to get out.

Also, after another success, many people try to find their love again. And these two options do not pass without a trace. Many are dissatisfied with calm feelings. Man needs suffering and sharp sensations. And when chasing these sensations, a person can miss the real feeling.

Who is to blame for this?

Yes, we are to blame.

You need to stop in time and not torment yourself with suffering, it can simply end in psychological disorders. After all, you still cannot reanimate love without the reciprocity of a partner.

Otherwise, you become dependent on your loved one. Not only women, but also men fall into such dependence, but more often, women fall into it.
And women begin to show activity, turning into obsession, afraid to be left without a loved one.

You constantly call, follow the man and this manifestation of feelings further alienate the man from you. And this leads to the fact that the man avoids meetings, does not answer calls.

At the same time, the woman begins to feel even more distant and begins to lose control over her behavior and actions. And the woman is lost and can no longer find solutions on her own and continues to make even more mistakes.

And if a woman still seeks the return of a man, in the end she grows cold. A woman, having gone through this struggle for a man, begins to understand that he is not at all perfect and is no different from many other men. The feeling of the ideality of a man disappears in a woman and cooling begins.

How to get rid of love addiction?

Breaking free from love addiction can be very difficult. A woman must understand that this is just a “disease” that you need to get rid of and be sure to get rid of it as soon as possible until you get stuck in it. You can turn to specialists, only he will be able to tell you how to get rid of your love addiction.

1. You need to feel like a free person.

2. In no case do not drown in drugs and alcohol. This relief is temporary, and if you can forget your loved one at the same time, then addiction to alcohol and drugs turns into addiction which you can no longer get rid of.

3. Try to get rid of all things that remind you of loved one. Do not leave even expensive things. It's a pity to throw it away, give it to someone. Everything, photos, letters, gifts, all this will only cause great pain.

4. Try writing a letter of gratitude to your loved one for the years spent together. The letter does not need to ask for forgiveness, but simply to thank and say goodbye.

5. Do not try to look for a reason to meet and call. Try not to meet in the company of acquaintances. It is better to refuse them under any pretext.

6. Don't have heartbreaking conversations with your girlfriends. It is unlikely that you will see help from friends, they can harm you. At least the fact that they convey all your words in a distorted form.

7. The best solution is rest.

8. Engage in increasing self-esteem, remember the movie The most charming and attractive. No need to communicate with those who always complain about life and are only engaged in criticism.

9. No need to pay attention to the opinions of other people. Everyone is different and you can never please everyone.

10. Do not think about the past, go to your goals. Everything is already in the past. Try to think more of yourself.

11. Change in appearance works effectively, look into your closets and try to change your wardrobe. Do not buy what your (former) loved one liked, you need to choose what you have been dreaming about for a long time.

12. Fill up all your free time. Read, study the computer, if you have a hobby, start doing it. Start painting, sign up for a pool, embroider, start learning languages, do yoga, music, dance, etc.

13. It helps well when you state all your feelings in a notebook, so you will see how you change. You can record your feelings on audio or video. You will be surprised by the result.

And everything will pass unnoticed to you. You won't even notice it.