Death close man - Clear loss. How to help another person to pass this complex stretch of life? And how to survive the death of a close man himself, when it seems that life stopped, and simply impossible with happiness without him?

No one wants to touch the topic of death - she herself touches us! It happens suddenly and stunningly. Then her blow is even stronger, and shock from the experience of shock leaves the scars not only in the shower, but also on the body. How to survive the death of a loved one and do not go crazy from grief? How to help someone who experiences loss pain? The answer gives the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan, which shows that the whole psyche, like a thin lace, is woven from two forces - the forces of life and the forces of death.

The death of a loved one is unlimited loss

What is such unbearable pain? Empty inside and empty outside. Just do not understand how to live on. The death of her beloved seems to be thrown into another reality: in a meaningless and empty world in which there is no dear heart of a person.

When a person suddenly overtakes the care of a loved one, he forgets everything. At this moment, the brain seems to be disconnected, and he walks like a somnambula, stuck not only on things of a loved one, but also on the memories of him.

And the memories are overwhelmed by wave of emotions, and in the heart again and again there is pain from the loss of close. And now the tears are shed, whom stands in the throat, there are no words, the legs simply turn into. How to survive the loss of a loved one?

And if someone from your environment is experiencing loss, it is also bitter and hurt to you, but already for him. I want to help, but do not know how to find the words of consolation.

You see how all his creature resists news about loss. You seem to hear how he screams mentally: "I do not believe! That can not be! Unfairly that such good man Little! " And immediately loneliness, longing, unrestrained grief suck him into her bog. I want to reach him, pull it out from there. But how?

How to help another person to pass this complex stretch of life? And how to survive the death of a close man himself, when it seems that life stopped and happiness is simply impossible without him? We'll figure it out in this article.

Psychological aspects of experience

Most people are hard to endure death. Each responds to death in its own way. Everything is due to the unconscious features of our psyche. System-vector psychology Yuri Burlana classifies all these properties and unconscious desires, calling them vectors. And since people are not the same, then recommendations, how to survive the death of loved ones, also depend on human psychology.

Man lives among other people. And we all possess a congenital set of vectors to perform their role in society. Someone is given a magnificent memory, another - increased emotionality, the third - a brilliant mind, etc. Mixing different vectors creates a unique psyche pattern.

That's why each person is experiencing a loss in his own way. Some begin, others are unrestrained, the third fall into, and some confidently take on all the troubles on the organization.

As the system-vector psychology says Yuri Burlan, a person is always a desire to survive and continue his time. In the state of the superconductor - and death, of course, such a state - the unconscious adaptation programs come into effect.

This is an unconscious reaction, and a person simply does not understand what happens to him. Why does he delay him in the bay of fear, why does he fall into a stupor or, on the contrary, begins to flicker?

What does it depend on? From those congenital properties that nature believed us. And all of them are different. Survive the loss of a loved one, cope with longing and hopelessness will be easier when you are aware of what happens to the psyche.

When a man is feeling guilt

Among us there are special people for whom ovensusiness are family, children, friends, gratitude, justice. All events of life pass through this most important filter of perception. Such a person is easy to immerse itself into the feeling of guilt, feeling pain because he did not thank during the life of the departed. Special, unbearable pain owners of these properties are experiencing from the death of a beloved child - it is felt as the loss of the meaning of life.

Such a person is also inclined to plunge into memories, especially if these are pleasant memories. In this state, a person loses a plot of support. He needs to help recover the balance. Death is a huge shock for him, he unconsciously tries to return to the past when everything was fine. In such a state, he begins to live with memories.

From one news about the death of such a person, the legs are cut into, heartbeat begins, shortness of breath. He may even become bad with a heart. It is especially difficult for the owner of anal vector can experience the death of the mother. To adapt the loss of your loved one and return to life again, the carrier of these properties always needs more time than the rest.

Who falls into the hysteria from the loss of a loved one

Overcome the sudden loss is particularly hard to people with a visual vector. Because the basis of their psyche lies root fear - the fear of death. It is them from pain losses very often begin to cry, dive into pity or fall into hysterics, that is, to closes on the lower states of the visual vector. A sudden breakdown of emotional relationship with the departed - a huge stress for such people, they do not own themselves, do not understand how to survive this death and get out of difficult states.

When they go down the descending, they are increasingly tightens the funnel of the fear of death. You can get out of such complex states, only understanding the entire mechanism and the amplitude of the visual states, which at the training of Yuri Born is paid for more than 20 hours.

It is people with a visual vector risk plunge into a state of pity for themselves, which is actually very destructive, because it closes the sufferer on himself and once again unhappy. And the visual vector refers to the four extracerted vectors for which the closedness is unnatural and harmful.

This is one of the biggest mistakes that entails the health problem for someone who is experiencing a loss. He starts psychosomatic diseases.

So how do not lose the mind from grief, and also help another survive these states and do not fall into the unrestrained pity and endless longing?

Survive the death of lovers help tears

But tears are different. In a state of loss, when the unbearable tragedy is mismatted mind, we begin to cry from fear for yourself. A whole round of thoughts swears in the head: But how will I live without a loved one, your beloved, native person?

We often pay from pity for yourself. But tears can make relief, if you can redirect the speech of attention from yourself to others, on those who are also bad now. Summary Possess the unique talent of empathy and compassion: the desire to support and reassure the other will bring you a huge relief in how to survive the loss of a loved one.

Of course, the loss of a native person is the hardest state. It is important to understand everything psychological peculiarities These states, then you can not only cope with pain yourself, but also help other people who survived the loss.

When the death of a loved one is the biggest tragedy

But a person with an anal-visual combination of vectors is especially experiencing a loss. For anal vector, the greatest value is a family, mother, children. For viewing - these are emotional connections with other people.

When a person has such a bundle, for him a loss is a huge blow to his supersaturation, this is a gap of an emotional connection that is not to restore.

They are walked into the tight knot and memories of the past, and lost emotional connections. He simply delays the swirl memories where he remembers and all good, and some resentment, and disappointment. All this simultaneously has a very bright emotional color, and it is getting worse and worse, right up to panic attacks and the impossibility of moving his legs.

Naturally, colleagues, relatives and acquaintances recognize the loss. They, of course, always offer help and support. But the man immersed in Mountain often unconsciously repels the help of help. Surely you come across such situations. It is important here to understand that a person still needs help. How to help him?

Man in Mountain - Need a special approach

Keep your loved ones. System-vector psychology Yuri Burlana gives such tips.

Be sure to support a person sincerely and from the whole soul, but do not get out of themselves in due type "How will you live now?"

Moreover, if you hear such notes, you need to be very attentive, make mental efforts and try to bring it to longing in bright memories.

Do not allow the impressionable and emotional owners of the visual vector to draw terrible paintings in their imagination.

Of course, in the first days he will be immersed in his grief, but subsequently it is necessary to bring to society. Help him see that someone is even harder than him.

Those who like to live memories can express their feelings through memoirs written for descendants about such a wonderful person.

So death is always a reason to remember that good that was connected with this person. Remember what I had done in my life, remember joyful, happy moments and understand that a person close to you left my unique mark in this world.

Survive the death of a loved one

First of all, if someone out of your loved ones suffers from loss, talking to him, say that life continues and survive hard times is best in society.

After all, the loss of loved ones is a natural and legitarious stage of life. Life goes on! And only we choose which energy to fill life: the energy of joy, the light that will remain after us, or longing and grief, when you shake off to the side and try to bypass all others.

This is what the participants in the training that got rid of pain, and the care of their native man has become a page for them with light sorrow instead of a terrible and unbearable pain heart.

The death of a loved one is a tragedy or a new chord of life?

A person does everything to continue his time. And naturally each of the loved ones leaves its mark. Someone in their children, the other in science or art, and some do not leave a deep mark in the soul of all mankind.

The tragedy of the death of loved ones is not the completion chord of your life, and the opportunity to think about how much your life sounds in the present. Does it have false notes in it, whether you do to leave your unique trail on Earth.

Life after death

Life is a cycle of energy, which, as you know, does not disappear without a trace. So in fact there is no death. The universe is arranged on a holographic principle. Even the holographic trail of the whole sheet remains from a piece of small leaf.

So we do not disappear in anywhere - we leave our mark: both material and spiritual.

People are actually much stronger than it seems to us. It is much easier for a person to survive the shock from death when he is for what to live. When there is something that depends only on it, from his effort and that much more of him. And it's not always that there are children or other relatives, sometimes a person makes the idea, the embodiment of which is the meaning of his life.

Get rid of loss pain, and most importantly, it is possible to survive it without a health loss, when we are aware of unconscious mechanisms that manage our lives. Start a familiarity with these powerful forces, restore their natural balance on the free online training system-vector psychology Yuri Burlan.

Sign up right now.

Get rid of yourself from suffering and mental pain.

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With pain loss will have to live. There is no salvation from this pain. Do not hide from it, do not escape. Sooner or later, she covers and want only one to get rid.

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The death of a loved one is the most terrible grief that can comprehend a person. The pain of loss sometimes seems unbearable.

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Life and death are just two moments, only our pain is infinite.

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Ah, I ... I regret ... I call ... I cry !!!

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All died, what's the point of denying it now. But, as such to understand the heart.

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Take me, Lord, instead, leave him on the ground!

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When first come across the loss of a loved one, then you understand the price of life and the inevitability of death.

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Death denial. Family members can behave as if their loved ones did not die; Waiting for him, talk to him.

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Although it does not sound sad, but our life is short and sooner or later we will all go into oblivion.

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The feeling of loss, generates flour similar to the torment of a man thrown overboard ...

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Take care of those who love !!! Appreciate the minutes spent together! Head to forgive! So that it was not painfully painful for the unspecified words, for not perfect actions!

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Probably, if you truly love a loved one, you never humble with his loss.

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A poem called "loss" was cut on the stone wall of the temple, there are only three words in it in it. But the poet screamed them. Loss can not read ... you can only feel.

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People regret not as it was or is. People regret lost opportunities.

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Loss of a loved one crashes our usual world.

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Time, maybe he treats, but so much do not live in order to forget those who were roads.

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Death takes place on earth, separating close people, so that they could connect in eternity.

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Friends always live in the heart of each other, even after one dies, in the heart of the second he will remain forever.

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You left so suddenly ... It's unthinkable that this life was so interrupted, we were only the tears of the truth: remember and pray all the time.

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There is no life on Earth, where the child is not. Why do I live on earth, if children die?

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You can not return, you can't forget ... Time is inexorably !!! Half a year has passed. Life proceeds by ... The awareness did not come !!!

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Refuse their love is the most terrible betrayal, the eternal loss, which is impossible to fill in time or in eternity.

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We mourn on the "locomotive", sorry for the guys, and we were waiting for them in Minsk ... life is not very predictable ...

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The most important man of my life is you, daddy, and no matter how many years old I have, I will always stay for you a little daddy daughter, and you - my main man, no one will replace me. Let the Earth be Pooh.

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As soon as we lose faith in our strength - we lose themselves. The statuses about bitterness and the pain of the loss of a loved one

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It is very painful and scary to lose close, relatives, loved ones, but with every loss of feeling dulled and the heart becomes colder ...

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It is necessary to pray for those who have left, in the world of silent silence. So that from heaven did not lili tears, for us ... for sinners ... they.

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They say that time heals ... it seems to me, it just pulls into pieces of our memory, with blood ...

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It hurts to look into the eyes and understand that you can't help ... It hurts to be near and know that this is the last night ... when the doctor states death ... unbearable pain from the loss of the closest! ... they have no replacements !!!

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Damn ... so scary ... you see a person, greet him ... And after a couple of days you call and say that it is no longer ... Scary ...

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When a close person dies, the feeling comes that you lost part of yourself.

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Do not try to avoid painful experiences. Do not hold back tears. What happened is real grief. It must be observed, survive.

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Memory of the dead can be an incentive for further life.

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Only by losing we begin to appreciate ... Only late to learn to rush ... Only not to love, you can let go ... Only seeing death, learn to live ...

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Some as reconciled with the fate ... We are two ... And you are there alone. Stopped by backing salt with you ... We now eat it with her son ...

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Life is too short, to have time to realize her meaning, death comes too quickly without giving time to understand that life is given only alone.

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This status for all those who once foolishly lost their soul mate and missed the moment when he could return it.

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How to learn pain when a favorite person goes to where there is no way back ???

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Do you know why people when they look very painful to heaven? So they are trying to keep their tears ...

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Regarding when people die !!! Even worse when the mrazies that killed them are still alive !!!

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Speak about the past time.

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Today I have a lot of things: it is necessary to kill memory until the end, it is necessary, so that the soul of petrified, you need to learn how to live again.
Anna Akhmatova.

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And I burned everything that worshiped, bowed to what I burned.

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As often, loyalty to please, you are alone Tomim, your love is needed not dead, your love is needed alive.

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Loss of illusions is a profit or loss?

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The worst thing is to lose it, what I believed, hoped, and here Batz! And the black hole was formed inside.

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A person cannot perceive the loss. It is experiencing a shock that manifests itself in the absence of feelings.

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Just ... Periodically ... It happens ... There is not enough of your messages and voices ... I ask ... Do not forget me ... Gradually turning into the past ...

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What heart to withstand will be able ??? All pain and sorrow in words do not convey. Nobody love like mom does not know how. How it hurts mommy to lose.

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The past feelings can still come back, and the past close man - never.

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When one person dies - this is a sad loss, and the death of millions of shower is statistics.

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A person may come to terms with the thought of his own death, but not with the lack of those who love.

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Wisdom is higher in making death. Importantly understanding - life does not end. We are all immortal. Our death is tragedy only for our loved ones. - Mikhail Mikhailovich Privhan

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Pain in the heart you left on forever! Gone from this life on always! Native, cute and gentle, my mother's love!

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I can not without you ... The heart is crying, and moaning the soul ... I, too, my native, from life "left."

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I recognize you ... in touching bark branches, I recognize you ... in the river with a raging water, I recognize ... in dew, which looks like tears, I know the beloved !!! you're near me.

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You can be 14, 20, 30, 42, 50 ... You will still cry when expensive people leave.

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To be attached to the person is a huge risk, going down, they take your soul with them.

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Who knows sadness of loss, appreciates the joy of found.

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I love and remember. We remember those who left us, we remember those who forever closed their favorite eyes.

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The depression is gradually becoming possible, there is less mental pain. A person begins to look for ways to solve psychological problems that are not related to loss.

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No one dies too soon, everyone die on time.

The statuses about bitterness and the pain of the loss of a loved one

Hello, my dear readers and guests blog! Loss of a loved one is one of the most difficult losses. Life is divided into two parts. The most important thing in this case is not to get stuck at any stage of the experience of grief. Usually, to completely negotiate psychological injury, the time interval is required in one year. There must be all four seasons of the year and memorable dates without a loved one. It is necessary to get used to and realize that one who has recently been nearby, no longer.

In this crisis moment of life, the support of relatives, loved ones and friends is very important. Well, if it goes on throughout the year, then the person is easier to lose the loss. Especially hard is the death of children, in this case the period of despair can delay up to five years.

If the state of the depression and lasts more than a year, then the person is driving his loss. It is necessary to try to go through all the stages of grief, without lingering long on some one. There are many examples of life when the crisis moments in the life of a person gave him the strongest impetus for large achievements in the future.

Heard the loss of loved ones, if a personal life was not developed, a childless marriage. The feeling of abandonment and unnecessaryness comes. According to the classification of the American psychologist Liz Babbo, there are five soul injuries that interfere with living:

• feeling of abandonment;
• feeling of rejection;
• a sense of humiliation;
• feeling of injustice;
• the feeling that you were betrayed.

The feeling of abandonment is basic and exacerbates everyone else. A dependent person is very hard to survive the pain of loss, he simply needs support for loved ones and relatives.

Stages of burning

The moment of death of his native person is not terrible, and further life without him. It is important when accommodation of all stages of grief do not stop long on one of them. There are many classifications of grief stages. Who subdivides them even for twelve. In general, it is possible to distinguish three main:

- disbelief (denial)

At this stage, a person does not want to believe in the loss of close. Despite the obvious facts and evidence, he denies everything, lives in the invented world. Especially very much loss is experiencing women. Some continue to talk with a deceased person, cook him dinner, wash, buy favorite products. Others believe that he just left and will come back soon. If this stage is delayed for a long time, deep mental disorders are possible. Such a state is permissible for a while to survive the acute stage, after which a person needs to be treated to withdraw from it.

There are many interesting cases from psychological practice, as different people are experiencing such a stage.

One woman for six months herself wrote his letters on behalf of her husband and sent by mail, and then inspired himself to relatives and girlfriends, trying to convince him alive. Another lady every day in two years got up at five in the morning to cook the spouse's breakfast and bring themselves in order that the dead husband did not see her without makeup.

After the death of the mother, a museum made a museum in her room and took a lot of time, indulging in memories.

- (awareness)

The hardest stage. After the density density falls with the consciousness, the period of understanding is that there is no more. It is impossible to live according to the old one, it is necessary to adapt to new conditions. The main features of cognitive disorder can be attributed:

• loss of appetite;
• lost, apathy, painful look.

This is one of the most insidious stages when the pity is very tightened, everything around becomes in black and white tones. A person feels emptiness inside. The period is dangerous in that, yielding to the negative that covers, you can commit suicide, go into alcoholism or drug addiction. Thus, people are trying to distract from reality and instead of accepting them. It is important to maintain and follow the condition of a person, and at the most acute moment of crisis do not let go down.

You can say this is one of the most ugly stages of the crisis.

Bardak in the soul begins to break through out. There were cases when people were not only not cleaned in the apartment, but did not wash for all months. Began problems with children and at work. It is difficult to convey something to a person at this moment, it looks like a robot that does something automatically, but nothing particularly perceives.

Often the beginning of this stage is the state of aggression. The person is gradually aware of reality, but it is still difficult for him to terms with this. Any conversations on the topic of deceased, he reacts angrily and started. He has a feeling that people are specially reminded of pain, which he tries so hard to forget.

A feeling of guilt comes to replace aggression. A man begins to root himself that he paid little attention, something did not have time to say and do. Constantly scrolls in my head a thought gum, trying to justify before the dead. However, the feeling of guilt rolling again and again, reviving the negative feelings and causing the pain of loss.

- Adoption

This phase serves as a reward who successfully passed the first and second. Personality gradually begins to return to real world, realizes the fact that there is no close side, he left forever. Understanding this facilitates the general condition of a person. The appetite is returned to him, the sleep is normalized, new goals and plans appear in life.

The state of humility allows you to let go of the negative and look at life in another key. This is one of the real cases in life.

After the death of his wife on the hands of a man, a teenage daughter remained. The first time the father and the child were hard to experience the death of the mother, they practically did not communicate. The man came to work in a dirty shirt, unshaven, his gaze was extinct and indifferent. Survive the grief helped him a little girl who partly assumed the functions of the parent. She began to cook, clean, stroking underwear. At first she had a bad thing and his father had happened, came to work in a boat shirt. But after a while, seeing his daughter's inspiration, began to return to life himself. He had a goal - to maintain and educate the daughter.

Crisis periods help to understand that life is not always and not always white, it is striped. It is possible to endure to survive the mountain, and she will play with light colors again. Pity to itself and indulgest weaknesses, contributes to the fact that the person is gradually rolling down. And the deeper you will fall, the hardest then get up. The sooner we reach the adoption phase, the more you can save precious time.

Someone himself finds a way out of the crisis, someone needs a psychologist. In any case, the most important thing is not to closes. You can give a person for some time to be alone and experience the mental injury, but then you should try to not get into myself and communicated with other people.

When a person comes out of the shell and begins to contact the world around the world, then an understanding comes that your life is not worse than the rest. Communication heals.

The main methods of exiting crisis include:

- autotraining (self-pressure)

Usually the human habit is produced 21 days. For example, if during this time every day to repeat about myself 10 times the expression "I'm fine", then after the first week, you feel the result. Significantly improved mood, and sleep normalizes.

You can try to refer to faith. It was the religion in the most difficult moments of life saved many people from the tragedy. Through a prayer, a person is strengthened spiritually, negative energy will simply cease to act.

- installation of life goals and landmarks

When the native man is dying, there is a change life benchmarks. A certain part of life associated with it remains in the past. Plans are hardened for the future, goals are lost. In order not to turn into a bioreobote or not to become a pedigree of the negative, you need to shake yourself and revise plans for life.

Yes, it happened in life that I had to know the pain of loss, a close person left, but you stayed to live. You should choose a target and go to it. So life will turn into a chain of achievements, not disappointment.

- Lesson's beloved

Many people hobbies helped get out of the most severe and protracted depressions. When the creative process occurs, joy begins to life. A person is distracted by sad thoughts, satisfaction arises and the feeling that you still can give it to this world.

The hobby can be the most different, wood carving, embroidery, cooking, writing, etc. You can choose what the soul and improve in it. Who knows, can a favorite business bring good income or glorify you? Famous writer D. Rowling, the creator of books about G. Potter just wrote a fairy tale for his little daughter. During this period, she experienced strong life crisis, remaining without a husband, money and roof over your head.

- Help in need

This is a difficult and noble thing. It should be searched to it only if a person has already come out of the depression stage. Otherwise, emotional burnout syndrome may occur. Because the help of orphans, old men and seriously ill people are difficult. She demands many soul forces, someone spiritually strengthened, and someone can break back and fall into depression. Therefore, it is necessary to evaluate yourself and your forces objectively.

The main medicine to exit pain and grief is patience and the adoption of the situation. Only time and work on themselves will help heal the pain of loss.

If the article on how to survive the loss of a loved one you helped you, share it with my friends. Leave comments and your thoughts on this. To new meetings!

One of the family members. Of course, we are talking about the death of premature. The death of a family member before the family has passed the main stages of the life cycle. That is, before the children rose and gained independence, created their families, have a job, live independently and so on. Premature death is not death in some age, and death before the family, in general, completed its family cycle. For example, the father dies when other children did not complete education, did not enter an independent life, or even earlier, or the mistress dies, mother, while children are still small.

Archpriest Andrei Lorgus

First of all, it is important to understand that the family and every member of the family separately worries death about the same way as a person is experiencing a diagnosis or a state of grief. Here, the same stages of Kübler-Ross: Catching or shock, denying death, anger, compassion, sharp grief, family disorganization, because the functionality of the family is disturbed, the distribution of roles is disturbed. Then there is some reorganization, accompanied by a decrease in the intensity of grief, taking the loss of family member. Then the restoration occurs - the family flashes. The grief can stretch out, as we will see, enough for a long time.

The first symptom of the release of a family from shock is some reorganization of a family, accompanied by a decrease in the intensity of sorrow. It means that as soon as the family is being taken to redistribute functions and roles that every member in the family has, as soon as the family adapts to a new lifestyle, there is a decrease in the feeling of depression, confusion, helplessness. This is because, including in active work, a person opens up for himself a way out of the situation that gives a feeling of his own strength. Such activity, active participation, reduces or overcomes the feeling of helplessness and powerlessness. That is, here in the inverse proportion - as soon as people begin to somehow change the state of the relationship to loss, these are immediately reduced. negative qualities. But this does not mean that the grinding disappears. The grief here is almost at all stages, and we will later consider it that it is a grief from a psychological point of view.

Symptoms of "normal" grief

Erich Lindemann (1900 - 1980) highlighted the symptoms of "normal" grief, that is, grief, which is normal in the normal person. It can be applied to the family. Let's see, first of all, on the symptoms of "normal grief" so that later answer the question of how to work with grief.

Primarily, physical symptoms. This is what we see in a person whose family has occurred. First of all, these are periodic attacks of physical suffering are tears, sobs, fainting, heart attacks and so on. In addition, such a person can feel the emptiness in the chest, the emptiness in his stomach, weakness, loss of muscle strength: a person just sits, his hands literally lie on his knees or hang along the body, can not raise them, the head is tilted, man or lies, or put Head on hand. It is difficult for him to breathe, he suffocates, there may be a sword, acute increased sensitivity to noise, strong irritability to noise, dry mouth, spasms in the throat, difficulty breathing, heart attacks, and so on, and so on.

There may be one of these symptoms, and maybe all at once together. But it is necessary to understand that the one who is next to a man in a sharp grief must, above all, in the first stage of working with grief to take care of physical symptoms. That is, that a person who worries acute grief, and which has similar symptoms, the first: to breathe, and it is necessary to breathe forced, that is, literally to make respiratory gymnastics to breathe; Secondly, in order for the person to sleep, for this, it may be necessary to give him a sleeping pill; Further: so that the person ate is necessarily, through force, any, but it should eat; And that he had the opportunity to relax in silence, so that he was given some peace, that is, do not call for the phone, and, of course, he should not go to work. Yes, a person can take some kind of physical work, that is, doing something around the house, but it is very limited, because, as we have already noted here, he most likely has a loss of muscular power.

Behavioral components. First of all, it is noticeable in speech: interrupted speech, hurry, or on the contrary, the slowness of speech, the impression that a person takes drugs. Or froze on one phrase. Of course, confusion, speech inconsistency. Lack of interest in matters, everything seems to fall from the hands. Changing food behavior, for example, the absence of appetite, and it is necessary to deal with it - it is impossible to cause an appetite, it is an inner desire, so you need to force a person a little bit there, a little bit. And it requires constant work - you need to prepare a person, you need to follow. Usually a person says: "Well, okay, go-go, then I sing." Not. It is necessary to ensure that he drank and eat. If someone wants to help a man in a sharp grief, he must stay with him.

In the cognitive sphere, that is, in the sphere of intelligence, a man in a sharp grief loses his confidence in himself, he thinks: "And I do not cope. I will not succeed. And I do not believe, I do not know anything. " Confusion of thoughts - yes, it may be difficulties with a concentration, with attention - it also happens. But, as a rule, a person notices this in himself.

Emotional sphere - Feelings and experiences. . First of all, anger on what happened to him, with his family, with his loved ones. This anger, by the way, most often people are suppressed, but the depressed anger turns away with depression, because depression is depressed aggression, we must remember it. Feeling helplessness, feeling of guilt, very sharp feeling of guilt. The closer there was a person who died, the more acute feeling of guilt. Why? "If I were, I would not allow this accident. If I tried if I found doctors, if I got medicine if if, if if ... ", - very often close to themselves so blame for themselves in death. Or a sense of guilt, that here "I was inattentive", "I did not talk," "I left," "I left him one" and so on, and so on.

By the way, it is very important, often in close people after the death of a close and not very close person arises as a resonance fear and anxiety for their health and their future. I often observe in consultations when a person comes and says that he has panic attacks, and very often in the past, in the recent past of such a person there is a fact of death of a loved one or not a very close relative. For example, grandparents, aunt, uncle, cousins, secondary sisters, brothers. Especially, of course, parents. When someone dies in the family, and a person who knew him closely, participates, as if close to death, to this loss, he arises as a resonance fear for his own life, for his own health.

And very often this fear, the depressed fear turns into an acute unconscious anxiety, which can grow into such symptom complex as panic attacks. Therefore, it is here that in this field of family experience is very important to express anxiety for their health. This is normal reactions. This is a normal grief. Please note that it is very important to understand that very often aggravated fears, anxiety, panic attacks, depression can be the result of death in the recent past of a loved one.

How to express alarm? Generally speaking, all the feelings, which only have a person, must be expressed. What does it mean to express? At least two things this means: first, to admit, to pay a report, and secondly, to pronounce or express somehow differently. But at least if you recognize the alarm, anger, you can realize them in yourself, this is the first very important fact, and the second - you can say about it. With whom and how, when to express it, when it sounds, it is already necessary to look at the situation. For this, there are close people, friends.

What to do with the feeling of guilt? The feeling of guilt is a separate job. But it is necessary to understand that very often, when the close one is dying, we have partially imaginary wines, neurotic wines, partially genuine wine. And we must understand the difference between them, this work is already with a specialist, but it requires a long time. In any case, at the moment of acute burning with a sense of guilt, it is very difficult to work or is better not worth it.

Here is shown the time of the grief when the grief concerns.

The first stageFrom day to two is shock and denial of loss. What does the denying of loss mean? For example, when relatives inform about death, they do not believe in it. Literally do not believe in it. That is, they begin to continue to turn to doctors, close to that they confirmed to them that it is not really so. At this stage of denial of loss, some family members can be stuck in many years or for the rest of their lives. I know such women who do not believe in the death of their child, for example, and continue to maintain the whole environment in the house, things of the deceased child, supporting the ghostly illusory myth for themselves, that the child will return to his house where his things are waiting for him Room and everything else.

The jam on this denying stage is very painful, can lead to such a family dysfunction that it may literally fall apart. Many family members simply leave such a family, they cannot continue to stay in it, because it is impossible to live next to those who continue to expect a long-minded, buried and buried, sending family member.

During first weekOf course, exhaustion is observed, because there were a funeral, there was a burial, there was funeral, meetings, commemoration and so on. The emotional and physical depletion of the family here is very pronounced. And, of course, here you need to take care to friends and acquaintances, close to the family members about the fact that the family needs rest, in solitude, in silence, alone.

Two to five weeks, that is, something like a month: many family members return to everyday life - to work, to an ordinary lifestyle, to their affairs that were interrupted for a week, perhaps, someone has less, someone else. And then the closest feels more loss, because the guests have risen, and the distant relatives returned to their lives. They remain with this void loss. And they have more acute toxic, anger, grief. Shock passes, the time of acute burning occurs, which can continue for a very long time - from one and a half months to three months, the transitional stage comes from longing and anger.

Three months and up to the year Mourning lasts, you can say a feeling of helplessness, the regressive behavior of family members. For example, someone from family members can suddenly turn into a small child, followed by additional care and observation. Perhaps someone will affect more. And someone will look for the deputy of this behavior - the one who will take on the function of the deceased. It can be a variety of family members. Children replace the left parent, the parent sometimes plays in the deceased child and so on. That is, amazing adventures with the deputy behavior occur here. Of course, with pathological behavior, with behavior, which contributes to the family even more dysfunction, except grief.

Finally occurs anniversary. This is a very important point when the family is essentially the opportunity to make this anniversary. Anniversary is some very important event, when private grief towers to family symbolic grief, when a ritual completion is performed. That is, this is a commemoration, this is a commemoration, this is a worship service, it is a prayer, this is a trip to the cemetery, maybe even in another city, in another area. But, in any case, relatives are going again, and the general grief facilitates the mountains of the closest relatives. If it does not jar, because often the closest relatives are not ready to part with their mourning, are not ready to part with their grief.

What does the jam mean? The jam is when the family cannot overcome a certain sense stage, and a person cannot overcome. And this means that he does not return to everyday life, he continues to live in a pathological life, where his mental state again destroys his health.

Finally, from one and a half to two years After loss, the family has the opportunity to return to its former life. Of course, to the former, but no longer who left forever. That is, by this time the function of the family in one way or another is redistributed. The structure again came to some equilibrium due to new roles: the roles are substituted, the functions are redistributed, the structure reappears again in some equilibrium. Of course, in the new equilibrium.

If the family loses a unborn child, then what will the specificity of the stages? Stages are not the same. Here, too, grief, and here it is very important that the mother and father of a unborn child together experienced, they lived this grief. Here, as a rule, outsiders are not involved, which may simply be dedicated to it. Therefore, it is very important that the parents of this child are a mother and father, husband and wife, - so that they are together, do not spit, and together experienced this grief so that they help them go through these stages. But to some extent it looks like a child's loss, only there is no contact here, there is no visual memory, auditory memory, empathizing with this child. Here everything is a little different, and the circumstances in which the child died is still very important. If the circumstances are somehow connected with the way the lifestyle of the married couple or specifically the mother who hasnden to this child, then there will be, of course, a very serious problem with the feeling of guilt. And if there was some unforeseen health problem or something else, then there will also be a feeling of guilt from the fact that not everyone did, or it depended on it, there may be mutual accusations of heredity and so on There is its own specificity.

What does work with the world and loved ones mean? First of all, it is important to help the family go through all stages. How? At each stage there is its own symptoms of behavior. Let's say at the stage of longing and anger it is very important to help the close memoirs of the life of the deceased, the experience of the whole of his life, starting with the most early years His life, browse his archives, his affairs, his photos. And at this stage, by the way, certain myths are born, which is not bad, because the family is in this way copes with grief. Certain ideas are born, there are some memorial ideas of the monument, the preparation of the album and so on. That is, there are many very important things that help survive. And if someone helps the family to survive, then he listens, many times heard the same thing about the mustache - about how he was sick, about how he was dying, what was worried about the family members at that moment, it was Everything is very important.

Assistants

Actually, the work of family assistants, friends, close - this is and to be present in the family and listen endlessly these stories, these repetitions who change once from the time, and this is a partly help in overcoming grief. And, of course, it is necessary to take care of loved ones who are experiencing grief so that they sleep, spruce, rested and returned to quietly to life, which continues to wait.

Of course, once again I have to say that work with a sharp grief, working with people who experienced a difficult situation is a serious job, and it begins, first of all, from the resources of the assistants themselves. That is, assistants need to be diagnosed, assistants need preparation before they are taken for it. Naturally, if this we are talking about relatives - no one asks them. Relatives are found with grief because they are relatives, and not at all because they took help. But if these are volunteers, if these are close friends, then they must understand that they can only help if they themselves know how to regulate their emotional behavior, they can be quite emotionally stable. And then another very important thing: to all helps in a sharp grief, you need to undergo a course of healing from superstition and Magism.

Questions

Is there a risk when relatives do not go back, but remain supporting the most combustible family member, what do they slow down the passage of the feeling of grief and, on the contrary, will prove the process?

No, on the contrary. If they are delayed, remain in the family where death occurred, they help to overcome the grief. Because, I say again, the life of the deceased live, repeats, tells. These are all important psychotherapeutic rituals that help, and close - just those people who can help the family.

What help can be rendered if substitution behavior is manifested in the family?

If family members take this substitution behavior and do not want to get rid of it, you can hardly help. For example, it often happens, during the year or two after the death of one of the family members is born. And sometimes it is called the name of the deceased. Or even more than one, as if they were prescribed to replace it, especially if this elder child died, then the younger junior prescribed as if to be a deputy. Or if, for example, a father died, the eldest daughter takes on the functions of the Father, so that mom and other children to replace the Father.

Unfortunately, in such cases, the family reluctantly goes to awareness of this truly pathological situation, because it is satisfied with this situation. And very often both the "deputy", and those who accept this substantive assistance may arrange such a position. But when the family or these family members will be ready to realize what happens to them, then you can help them realize why it happened so, and what happened in the family in this situation. Therefore, it is not always possible to help.

If it is obvious that the person is stuck at some stage of the grief, but does not recognize it, how to help him?

If a person does not want to leave this stage, it is impossible to force him to drag somewhere. But at least you can be near and do not participate in his myths. For example, a mother, looking at the photo of the son, turns to him as to the living, trying to talk to him, consult with him. You do not have to participate in this. And you can not explain and do not bring mother to clean water, but you can not participate in this myth. You can completely soberly and unequivocally talk about a person, as a must, pray for him, remember him and not to do the look that you also think that a person did not die. This will be enough help. In any case, a person suffering from such a jam can pay attention, may ask you to help you, and it may be easier for him next to you. And maybe he will hang out with aggression, drive away. But at least he will have a chance to learn the truth from the one who was next to him.

It is necessary to understand that where a person wants to be deceived, wants to live in an unreal world, wants to live with myth, we cannot convince him, we cannot force him to live in reality. But we, next to the living, we can continue to live in reality, without playing the mythology of the other.

Prepared Tamara Amelina