The image of a contented, well-groomed and rested young mother who shines with love for her baby is actively exploited by advertising and the film industry. Therefore, potential mothers develop a subconscious expectation that motherhood is a sheer joy. But when faced in reality with pregnancy and life with a newborn, they are often not ready for the "gray days".

And most importantly: where are the all-consuming feelings for the baby ?!

Often, those around them convince the expectant mother not to worry about this topic and rely on their maternal instinct. Does this mean that it is inherent in every woman by nature? After all, sometimes women abandon their children or treat them cruelly. This means that nature does not give a clear guarantee.

What is "maternal instinct"?

It is difficult to find a clear definition of the maternal instinct. But in general, this is a collective name for the norms of behavior, which are characterized by the mother's desire to protect her baby from dangers, to give her love and care to the child. Scientists believe that several factors influence the development of the maternal instinct:

1. Biological. From birth, a woman has subconscious behavioral reactions aimed at caring for children, ensuring their safety. This "approach" is common among representatives of the animal world, is genetically determined and based on physiology. A person, in fact, obeys the same laws of nature, so we can say that maternal feelings for a baby are deeply embedded in a woman. A mother’s attachment to her child begins to form from the moment she is, and reaches its peak seven to eight months after the birth of the child. This biological process occurs under the influence of hormonal changes that occur in her body during pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding.

2. Social. Studies have shown that the formation of maternal behavior is greatly influenced by the woman's environment (social status, attitudes of others, career interests, etc.), as well as the cultural traditions of parenting adopted in society in a particular historical period. That is why in different times women treated children differently, perceived the need to take care of them differently. The strength and expression of their maternal instinct corresponded to the norms of society.

3. Psychological. This is the experience of a woman in a relationship with her own mother, her personal history, etc. That is why in some women the maternal instinct manifests itself quite strongly immediately after the birth of a child, while others need a lot of time and effort to awaken it.

Myths about maternal instinct

Nowadays, everything related to motherhood and children evokes an active interest and even awe in society. And if suddenly a woman does not feel immeasurable love for her child, does not feel the desire to patronize him hourly, she begins to reproach herself for the lack of maternal instinct. And thus drives oneself into negative experiences and deprives of the natural joy of motherhood. However, in many ways, such beliefs about the essence of the maternal instinct are stereotyped. So expectant mothers and young mothers should try not to succumb to myths about this phenomenon.

Myth 1. Maternal instinct is innate, therefore it appears on its own

Such a statement is true only for the natural world, while a person lives in an inextricable connection with society and has a more subtle mental organization. Therefore, in order for a woman to independently and fully at the right time wake up the maternal instinct, it is necessary that she freely go through a number of life stages: she was loved and desired by her mother, had the opportunity to play “daughter-mother” in childhood, take care of the younger ones, had acceptable social conditions at the time of pregnancy and childbirth, went through a successful childbirth, etc. And even in this ideal case, intuition and genetically inherent behavior (such as latching on to the breast) is not enough. A woman often needs to make a lot of effort to learn to feel her baby, to acquire the skills of caring for him and raising him. Therefore, it is better to start preparing in advance, even during pregnancy (at least read thematic literature on caring for a baby).

Myth 2. Maternal instinct occurs immediately after childbirth

In fact, the maternal instinct begins to emerge even when the woman herself is under the care of her mother, but it is not at all necessary that it manifests itself on her day of birth. Even with the most favorable social and psychological factors, each woman has her own unique physiology and hormonal background. Therefore, many begin to experience the strongest feelings for the baby even before his birth, while others need more than one month to feel the effect of the maternal instinct. The organization of childbirth and the postpartum period plays no less important in the appearance and severity of the maternal instinct (whether childbirth was natural and easy, whether medications were used, whether bodily contact between mother and child was ensured, whether breast-feeding etc.), the well-being of the baby and the mother (not only physiological, but also psychological), living conditions, the influence of the social environment (for example, parental intervention in caring for the baby), etc. Therefore, do not despair and blame yourself for that you do not have the feelings for the newborn that you expected. It is better to analyze what you can do to establish the mechanism of the maternal instinct, and wait.

Myth 3. The more pronounced the maternal instinct, the better.

Like any other phenomenon, the degree of expression and manifestation of parental emotions has its extremes. Succumbing to an excessive maternal instinct, a woman tries to protect her child from the slightest independence, to protect him from all kinds of potential dangers, which generates anxiety in the soul of the crumbs and uncertainty in the mother herself. Overprotection not only deprives a woman of a full life, the possibility of realizing herself in other areas, except motherhood, but also negatively affects the psyche of the child and his future. That is why you should not strive to "drown" in instinctive feelings and desires, because in many situations, awareness of mother's actions and their common sense are beneficial to the child.

Myth 4. Without maternal instinct, it is impossible to raise a child

Maternal instinct in modern world rather, the woman herself “needs” to enjoy the process of raising and caring for a child. However, many women take good care of their children, while being aware of their duty, not desire. After all, it is possible to feed, walk, swaddle, teach something without a maternal instinct. Therefore, if you do not feel it in yourself, do not worry that you will not be able to raise your child.

Myth 5. Maternal instinct is inextricably linked with a woman's attitude to other people's children

It often happens that women who have a strong maternal instinct for their children have shown concern and special love for babies in general since childhood. However, this does not mean at all that the absence of a feeling of affection when looking at someone else's child makes it possible to talk about the absence of a maternal instinct. There are often cases when only the birth of her own baby awakens a woman's interest in children. The maternal instinct can only extend to her child. Or, on the contrary, a woman can show concern for the children of her acquaintance with interest and sincerely, but not strive for the birth of her child.

Fine tuning of the maternal instinct

Correctly perceiving the phenomenon of maternal instinct, every young mother can help herself to tune in and strengthen its manifestations on her own.

1. Analyze relationships, family and child values. If you understand that you have not taken out positive ideas about the meaning of motherhood from your interaction with your mother, you cannot figure out your own motives for having a baby, or you feel insecure, it is better to solve these problems even before the baby is born. Perhaps it will not be superfluous to resort to the help of a psychologist, because an adequate attitude to one's personal history, timely solution of psychological problems will help to find harmony with the inner world in the present and "allow" the maternal instinct to manifest itself.
2. Start playing mother and daughter while you are pregnant. Do not put off thinking about the baby until later, think more about what he will be like when he is born, dream about what you would like to do with him. You can even express your thoughts in a diary or depict in a drawing. The more visual and material your idea of ​​the child is, the more feelings you can experience and the earlier the maternal instinct will wake up. Start doing, surrounding yourself with cute baby things, think in advance about everyday issues related to the appearance of crumbs in your life. Such preparation will help you gradually tune in to motherhood and relieve you of unnecessary hassle and worries after childbirth.
3. Try to ensure that your childbirth and the postpartum period are as natural as possible. Maternal instinct is largely determined by the production of hormones during pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding. But if childbirth was accompanied by increased stress, excessive painful sensations, or the use of drugs, natural hormonal background may be violated. The same applies to breastfeeding, which in turn can inhibit the emergence of the maternal instinct. Therefore, it is worth preparing for childbirth (both physically and psychologically), consciously approach the choice of a maternity hospital and a doctor, apply the baby to the breast and feel bodily contact with him in the first minutes of his life. All this is necessary in order for the biological factor of the maternal instinct to start up faster.
4. Focus on the child and contact with him. and co-sleeping are the best helpers in the development of the maternal instinct. The special smell of a child, his warmth, his look, appearance, peculiar sounds and defenselessness awaken in a woman the need for the care and protection of a small creature, and the baby's responses to the mother's activity are the desire to communicate with him and the pleasure of interaction. But for this you need to give yourself the opportunity to feel the contact with the child: carry him in your arms, take care of and watch him on your own. The closer you are, the more you can feel an emotional connection.
5. Find helpers for household chores and learn to relax. It often happens that a young mother immediately after the hospital plunges into, tries to do everything at once, and does not notice that she is in constant stress, already bordering on postpartum depression. Allow yourself to be just a mom for a while and happy woman, try not to think about all sorts of things. The time will come for them, but for now it is quite possible to delegate them to close people. Be alone with yourself and your baby and let the affection for the baby wake up.

Maternal instinct does not come on schedule, it is not something innate and self-evident for every woman. Of course, most expectant mothers have its preconditions, but many factors affect when and to what extent it will manifest itself.

Check if you have maternal instinct
How to understand whether a woman has a maternal instinct or not? Objectively, it manifests itself in the emergence of certain needs in a woman:
- in the desire to communicate with your baby, play with him, teach, develop, always be near. Satisfaction of this need brings her pleasure;
- in taking care of the child and his protection - the desire to feed, look after, caress the child, protect him from the threats of the outside world and the consequences of his own activity;
- in the maternal feeling - the experience of a special emotional state, which causes a woman to her child or even thoughts about him. This feeling arises from the ideas about the baby, his image, family and cultural traditions of motherhood and own experience women.

Loving your own child, it would seem, what could be easier? For 9 months you live with your baby as a whole, feel it, imagine what it will be like, dream about it. The child is born and ... and then you realize in horror that you do not feel any emotions for the newborn. Or that your feelings are not at all as strong as you imagined them to be. What's this? How to behave in a similar situation? Is it okay? All these questions are asked by moms who have such a problem. Let's talk about this situation in more detail.

Photo from the site chaechka.ru

Let's start with the fact that it has long been no secret to anyone that the maternal instinct in some mothers wakes up immediately with the appearance of a baby, while in others it is much later. This is not a pathology, it is just that everyone has their own complex organism.

The next very important point is the state (physical and psychological) in which the mother went through the entire pregnancy, her attitude to pregnancy, the fears and stresses that she experienced and how easy (or vice versa, difficult) 9 months of pregnancy and the birth itself passed. Many mothers mistakenly believe that if they got the desired child with great difficulty (severe pregnancy, threat of miscarriage, poor condition in the process of bearing a child, various kinds of deviations, difficult childbirth or childbirth with complications, etc.), then they will love him must be very strong, having passed such a difficult path.

But in fact, it turns out that feelings do not come: everything is smooth and calm. Don't worry about it right away. Childbirth can be compared to a rather complex operation, and many experience such stress during childbirth that then the body itself is not able to give out any strong feelings, it just needs time and rest. Often, many mothers experience postpartum depression, when not only the child, but the whole White light it becomes not nice.

Another reason for the lack of emotion can be disappointed expectations. A person is so arranged that he cannot just wait for some event, he must present it, often - to the smallest detail. And now, you have repeatedly imagined how very soon your little angel, your beauty, etc. will appear, and they bring you a slightly blue or, on the contrary, a very red baby who is crying all the time and demands something. And he does not at all look like the angel that you imagined and already managed to fall in love with.

Photo from the site mamainfo.com.ua

Do you even wonder if this is your daughter (or son): did you mix something up there? Yes, not all babies (even 6 hours after giving birth), when they were washed, carefully wrapped in diapers and brought to their mother for the first feeding, look adorable pink-cheeked toddlers. Everything is very individual and mom should not be intimidated by this. On the 3-4th day after birth, the child will look completely different.

So, how can you evoke that very love for a newborn or help her manifest more strongly?

First, you should accept your feelings for your child as they are and not deny the obvious. For example, the fact that you react very calmly to your newborn son or daughter, or even the fact that the baby annoys you with its constant cry, because you want to sleep all the time, your back hurts badly, the postpartum pathways ache, etc. You are a living person, not a robot; you have the right to different feelings.

Secondly, after you have accepted what you feel, focus on the child in terms of caring for him: feed, swaddle, touch him more, do gymnastics or just stroke, touch the arms-legs, talk to him ... Very soon you will become convinced that some feelings will begin to appear in you - it may even be just interest, but this is already more than nothing. The further you go, the more listen to yourself and your heart and concentrate on those positive feelings and good emotions that you experience when communicating with a baby. Every day you will become closer to your baby.

Photo from the site

Thirdly, with the advent of a child, the support of her husband, relatives and friends is very important for mommy. Moreover, it is desirable that she felt this support even in the hospital, and not when she and the baby are brought home. After all, it is so important that the future mommy is in good mood, felt happy and smiled. It is in the maternity hospital that it is most difficult, especially when the birth is first: there is no husband, no mother, or grandmother nearby. There is so much to do, but you don’t know how to approach this, many things have to be done for the first time in life. You are afraid to do something wrong and harm the child, but there is no way to lean on your own shoulder.

Here I want to give my own example. I had a difficult birth, the baby was large. Honestly, after my hero was born, the first thought was: "Am I still alive?" And there were tears, and a bunch of stitches were applied. I breathed every other time ... However, when in the morning the nurse handed me a gift from her husband to the ward: a huge armful of bright red roses, one and a half meters long each, I wanted to live again. I don’t know how many roses there were, but the girls and I hardly shoved the flowers into a cut 6-liter water bottle. Some kind of realization came that my feat was appreciated ... All week, looking at these hefty bright red beacons, I smiled, thinking that soon home, where we are loved and expected, and I felt better.

Photo from the site

If in the first weeks after giving birth you have already tried a lot, but you understand that love for the child has not woken up, do not despair anyway. You simply cannot fail to love your offspring afterwards: time and your concern will do their job. The main thing is not to move away from your baby, on the contrary, try to be closer to him. You should be seriously worried when you feel uncontrollable aggression towards the child or outright hatred (not to be confused with the usual irritation that almost all mothers experience from time to time). Here you need the help of a specialist, the trip to which should not be postponed indefinitely. Love your little ones and let them love you.

More than 70 women responded to one of the “mum's” Facebook groups on the very first day. They wrote that immediately after the birth of the child, they experienced relief, joy, fear, responsibility, fatigue and a whole range of feelings - but they were not covered with the wave of love promised by books and stories of friends.

Photo source: pixabay.com

Lena K., the mother of a one-year-old girl, says that she imagined the birth of a child in pink:

I was looking forward to this moment - the baby is born, I take her on the arms, gently hug her, melt in love and affection.

But this did not happen - after a long and painful birth, only apathy was felt, and the first cry of the child did not cause any feelings.

In the first days after discharge Lena did everything that was required to take care of the child, but mechanically, without feeling any emotions- and sobbed when her husband went to work.

Lena could not understand what was happening to her, and also scolded herself for not being able to give birth to a child naturally- long labor ended in cesarean section.

Photo source: Univision

Oxytocin, or attachment hormone

In books about pregnancy and childbirth, they say that the birth of a child is accompanied by a huge surge of feelings, unconditional love and an extraordinary feeling of happiness.

Really, when a child comes into contact "skin to skin", oxytocin is released, also called "attachment hormone".

Photo source: VIP 24

Oxytocin plays a role in the formation of characteristic "maternal behavior" - the desire to protect and feed the baby. Levels of this hormone increase during sex and when a mother or father picks up the baby.

At the same time, it is rather difficult to measure its concentration, because this hormone breaks down very quickly - but in research it still manages to do it.

Scientists have found that with a completely normal course of pregnancy oxytocin levels can be very, very different for different women - from 50 to 2000 pg / ml.

In addition, there was no definite pattern of its changes: in some, the concentration of oxytocin continued to increase throughout pregnancy, in others it decreased, and in others it fluctuated.

Photo source: pixabay.com

What does this mean in practice?

That any woman can be in the lower part of the range, and instant falling in love with a newborn will not occur, even if all wishes for the most natural childbirth are met.

On the other hand, although there is no sudden release of oxytocin into the blood after a caesarean section, especially a planned one, its background level may be high enough to form instant attachment.

It turns out that the surge of love for the newborn is largely due to hormones.

The pressure of others

The pressure of others also does not help to feel like a good mother - and it is manifested by health workers, relatives, and even friends who have no children.

Anastasia I. says that after giving birth without anesthesia, the first relief came that the job was done - but the doctor immediately commented:

"Why are you not happy?"

For some reason, her childless friends had the idea that motherhood sharply fills life with meaning and unconditional happiness, and when trying to talk about the difficulties, Anastasia heard only an annoying answer:

"But you are doing a great thing".

Condemnation can arise for any reason - a admitting that you do not feel love for a newborn seems simply indecent(for a reason, most of the heroines were asked not to indicate their names).

Photo source: Roditelji.h

Natalia L. says that a couple of weeks after giving birth, she walked down the street with a stroller and cried, realizing that feels nothing for the child, except for a sense of responsibility, - she wanted to return her past life.

When she responded negatively to a friend's comments about how cool it was to be a mother, she caused a wave of anger and the story that she was a bad mother.

When do feelings start to change?

Everyone has it differently. Many moms say that love came along with pity or fear when the child first became ill- his defenselessness caused a new wave of emotions.

Others admit that fell in love with a son or daughter closer to a year or even later, when a tangible Feedback : smiles, speech, action.

Photo source: pixabay.com

Actually, depression in the first days after childbirth, the so-called baby blues, is no less well-known phenomenon than hormonal euphoria.

It is not customary to talk about him - and it is understandable why, because we still live in a society where it is encouraged to “be positive” and tears are condemned.

It would be great if resources dedicated to pregnancy and childbirth, and specialists in patient management honestly told that when a baby is born, you can experience a variety of feelings - and in most cases they are normal and do not characterize maternal qualities in any way.

Unconditional maternal love has been sung at all times. But there were always stories behind the scenes when, for some unknown reason, she simply “did not turn on”. At least, desperate mothers were sure of this, who tried everything to awaken in themselves those very tender feelings for their own child that should have arisen at the first glance at a newborn. What if this is your case and the same “contact” did not happen? Some topics are not accepted to be discussed in society. These taboo topics are more hushed up than state secrets. You should not expect that they will be discussed even in the circle of those closest to you. People easily talk about brutal murders, violence, corruption, with friends you can sometimes even talk about their own betrayals. But hardly women are able to say to someone: "I do not love my child."

"When will I feel that very love for my child ?!"

The forums are full of these desperate screams into the void. "Please, tell me how much time should pass before the child starts to please?" - mothers are experiencing in complete confusion from their feelings. "When will he stop exhausting me so much?", "Why don't I feel happiness from motherhood?", "How to awaken real motherly feelings?" If you score in a search engine: "I don't love my child", more than 600 thousand links pop up. A huge number of women say this only in the vastness of the world wide web, because there it is not necessary to reveal their identity. Thousands of women for the first time shared their terrible secret with a computer, themselves frightened by how blasphemous and impossible it sounds. They all prayed for advice: "What should I do ?!" and received in response only streams of insults and aggression: “How dare you write this? God will punish you! ”,“ Why did you multiply, people like you should not multiply ”or quiet and hopeless:“ I have a similar situation ... ”, lost against the background of universal hatred.

This material will not contain personal stories of moms who do not feel strong attachment to their child. Despite the fact that I offered them complete anonymity using fictitious names, no one agreed. "I can't, but what if someone recognizes us anyway?" - this was the most popular reason for refusal. Some mothers simply did not want to once again voice what they already feel guilty about every day. It would seem that it could not be otherwise - as soon as the mother sees the newborn baby, she will immediately give her heart to him without looking back. But the truth is that sometimes motherly love is more a theorem than an axiom, and each has to solve it on her own.

About "unsuitability"

The "symptoms" can be very different: chronic fatigue, boredom, tension, constant irritation, anger, despair. Communication with a child exhausts the mother, empties her to the bottom, and all she wants is to run away somewhere or lie down, covered with a blanket over her head, and let the whole world crack. Like a cherry on the cake, a painful feeling of guilt rolls over: my own child annoys me, I don't want to spend time with him, so it's me - I'm bad. After all, others love their children, even if they are born with physical disabilities and it is much harder with them.

Unfortunately, the problem does not formally exist, it is customary among the people to devalue it, cancel it and hide their heads in the sand at the slightest hint of it. "Postpartum depression" sounds like a mockery, a whim, an invented trick of women, out of laziness or, for some other insufficiently significant reason, who want to evade their maternal responsibilities.

- Don't worry, you're just tired. Once you get enough sleep, everything will immediately be perceived differently.
But the fact is that even after access to proper sleep, boredom, irritation and detachment may not disappear anywhere. It is far from a fact that this will pass soon, as experienced mothers who have never encountered this problem personally, unanimously assure with one voice from the pages of the same forums. For those who, by nature, have everything differently, there really is no problem, they simply do not believe in it, and therefore it is so easy for them to solve it. And those who are unlucky generally choose not to talk about it at all. Because, firstly, it is morally very difficult - to voice the itching in the subconscious “I shouldn’t have a child”, and secondly, it is also completely meaningless, no matter how many times you have to repeat it, one or a thousand. Whether or not it was necessary to have a child - this has long been an irrelevant question, new person already born.

There is no reason

“I don’t feel anything about the baby” - these words can belong to both the mother of a seven-month baby and a teenager. She just doesn't feel anything for the baby, and there is no particular reason for this. Not guilty sleepless nights, it's not about the lack of support from her husband - he adores the child and is ready to tinker with him all his time, there are no health problems or psychological trauma from childhood. Everything seems to be quite safe and well. Only one thing darkens life: it seems to her that she does not love the child. He does not burn with the desire to see him; from his crying and babbling, not warmth rises in the soul, but irritation. She doesn't miss him when he's not around. His drawings are not touching, successes are not encouraging, failures are not upsetting. She is ready to sell her soul in order to wake up, to bring to the surface the mother's love, deeply hidden and wrapped in thousands of layers, only ... she is afraid that there is really nothing to get.

A similar drama unfolds daily in more than one family or two. the main role in it is assigned to an exhausted mother who does not receive any pleasure from the child. An exception may be rare moments of warmth and tenderness before bedtime or short-term fun during a game. It is a pity for both - and the innocent child, and the mother, tired to tears, tormented by a sense of guilt. In fact, how to be? Some "give" children to their grandmother. Others grit their teeth and decisively set themselves up to wait for the moment when the child grows up and begins to live separately (only 18-20 years old). There seems to be no other option.

Sometimes this problem arises in a woman with a very calm temperament, whose emotions and feelings, in principle, have never been very bright. Such women can be recognized by the fact that they never fall in love without memory, but, on the other hand, the suffering due to unhappy love is unfamiliar to them. They almost never lose their temper, it is extremely difficult to unsettle them. But even with such a very pragmatic approach to life, they understand that the child needs tangible manifestations of maternal love. "I must!" - Mom thinks in confusion. And this is her first mistake. Should not. Because feelings cannot be synthesized synthetically. Everything will become clearer and easier as soon as a woman realizes this and stops driving herself into stress with such thoughts, accepts the situation as it is.

Emotions and feelings may or may not be. Something can cause them, but something cannot. This is a variant of the norm,
in which it is important to truly believe. You cannot force yourself to experience something. Strong affection, tenderness, warmth for a child immediately after birth arise naturally, by themselves. They do not arise by themselves either. It does not depend in any way on the mother's desire or behavior, just as it does not depend on the character, behavior and desire of the child himself.

Lack of emotional attachment is not the fault of either the parent, much less the child. It just happens.

Dislike?

For a mother who is not in awe of her baby, it is very important to understand one key point. This understanding will help her understand everything and choose the right line of behavior, build a healthy relationship with the child. The point is this: emotional attachment and love are not the same thing.

Perhaps the difference is subtle at first glance, especially for those who are fortunate enough not to have any problems with feelings in relation to newborns. But those who do not experience them know: you can love your child, be ready to sacrifice your life, health and anything for him, not spare any resources for him, but still spend all your free time at work, if only not being alone with him for longer than necessary.

There is a real substitution of concepts. Mom's feeling of guilt is wrapped around one thought: “I don’t love the child, I don’t love him, I don’t love my child, I’m a monster!” It's embarrassing, unacceptable, and painful. Guilt eats away and pushes parents to extremes - they give the child expensive toys, allow him everything, regularly take him to rest abroad several times a year, etc. And sometimes it seems to them that if the baby is a little more talented, a little more successful and popular, it will become easier to love him. Children of such mothers with early childhood suffer from exaggerated demands and endless attempts to win approval. While if mothers could distinguish between these two concepts: motherly love and emotional attachment, everything would be much easier. Most parents are okay with love, even if they think it isn't. The point is only in its manifestation - in emotional attachment, which may not exist. But it is not the intensity of passions that makes a woman a good mother.

What to do?

The fact that the mother does not feel emotional attachment to the baby does not mean at all that she will never be good with him. There is no need to grind out expressions of love. There is no point in reproaching yourself day in and day out for not being able to feel. It is much more important to focus on what can be available to you, what you can control. More precisely, you can just live and take care of the child. After all, what is required of parents in the first place? Be reliable, responsible and fair. This is quite within the power of every mother, and the rest is already being approved by these three whales. Each era had its own ideas about what parents should be, but these three qualities have been fundamental at all times.

Be reliable, responsible and fair. This is quite within the power of every mother, and the rest is already being approved by these three whales. Each era had its own ideas about what parents should be, but these three qualities have been fundamental at all times.

It is very difficult to raise a child without emotional attachment, and the growing irritation at times is actually banal fatigue. Therefore, the most important thing is not to forget and always keep in mind that with both - both the mother and the child - everything is in order, both are normal, just the load on both is very great. It is equally important to build communication with the child only in such a way that the mother gets tired less. Tired mom - irritated mom - unhappy child. This sequence is unchanged. Only if the mother does not exhaust herself, she will have the strength for justice.

Let your husband or someone from the household take care of a long fuss on the floor and patient conversations. Do what interests you with your baby. The required program should be short, but regular, no more than five points. For example, if you like to put your child to bed and read to him before bed, do it daily, make it your custom. But there is no need to rush around the apartment, playing hide and seek, if you get very tired from this and start to get angry. Each mother can choose for herself what exactly she absolutely needs to do with her baby, and what he can do with other relatives.

How exactly to choose? It's simple: you should have a feeling that it is necessary and that you can do this particular thing without much pain and not from being kicked.

The next step is to determine what exactly you like to do with your child. Even if the answer is this: I like to watch cartoons with him, at this time he does not bother me with requests to leave the ball. You do not need to choose the "right and necessary" activities, but precisely what brings you joy. It is the mother's joy that is important, because the child will definitely pick it up. So, do you like walking in the park? Buy sweets? Go to the movies or visit friends who have children? It is these entertaining and enjoyable things that you need to devote most of the time you spend with your child. Perhaps this time will not become long-awaited and loved, but at least it will make sense and it will cease to be unbearable. Thus, the child will not feel deprived of love and abandoned, and the mother will not be stretched to the limit when an absurd accident like a broken vase is enough to provoke her to cry and cry.

Instructions

Pregnancy and motherhood are often frightening, which is completely natural. After all, this time will be very different from everything that happened to you before: there will be responsibility for another person, who at first will completely depend on you. While there are books, lectures, and courses on motherhood that can help, it still cannot be taught until it comes. Nevertheless, it is believed that the maternal instinct will help out a woman and help her make the right decision in any case. But what if he doesn't wake up? The belly is already big enough, but there is still no instinct. It happens that childbirth has already passed, but the woman still does not feel drawn by this instinct.

The fact that the maternal instinct sometimes does not wake up immediately is completely normal. It is a biological phenomenon, natural and natural. But people in their way of life have become very far from nature, so many natural things are mixed with cultural prejudices or are completely lost against their background. The maternal instinct is one of the main features of the development of mankind, without which it would not have survived. Even if he is still asleep, over time he will wake up in you, be sure.

It happens that the maternal instinct in a woman is so strong that she feels that she will become a mother even before she sees the test result. In other women, tenderness and love for the unborn baby appears during pregnancy. Still others only after childbirth understand that this is their child, at the same time they begin to realize how deeply they love this creature that burst into their life with the first cry.

There are also women who are already returning home from the hospital, but still do not feel the "promised" maternal love for the baby. The responsibilities of caring are burdensome, sometimes even depression is imminent. It is very difficult to admit to others that you do not have much love for a lump that always requires attention and crying, and this plunges into even more stress. In this situation, for a start, stop reproaching yourself and thinking that something is wrong with you. Are you okay.

If the maternal instinct does not wake up by itself, try to focus on communication with the child. Usually, the strongest feelings for the baby arise precisely during contact with him. Talk to him, smile at him, drink lullabies, read books that you love to him, listen to music together. Try to involve him in your business, so that he is simply present with them, while constantly communicating with the baby, put him next to you at night. Soon you will see that you feel the baby much better, you understand what to do with him, that he has become a close person to you. Sometimes the awakening of the maternal instinct is facilitated by the special attention that a young mother pays to caring for the baby, for example, if he