Close people hit the hardest, you trust them with the most intimate, and in return you get betrayal and prolonged depression. Everyone wants to believe in the sincerity of feelings, but what to do when fate has prepared a test? You cannot prepare for betrayal, it cannot be cured with the help of medicines and it cannot be erased from memory. How to deal with pain and despair without seeking the help of a psychologist? Let's try to figure it out together.

5 ways to deal with the betrayal of a loved one

Don't hold back your emotions
Avoid turning off your phone, avoiding friends, or hiding under the covers to see the pain go away. Bitterness and resentment will not leave you until you drive them away on your own. Call a friend and speak well, shout, beat the plates, but do not withdraw into yourself.

Play an interesting movie that you may not want to watch, but let it play in the background. Order a pizza and buy a bottle of wine, food is soothing. If you want to be alone, take a notebook and write what you want to say to the traitor. If this method does not work, get a parrot and chat with him. They are funny, cute and chatty creatures.

It is important to understand that it is necessary to cry, otherwise the pain will burst out at the most inopportune moment. A person is able to endure a lot, but he can also break loose if the tea is not hot enough. Now you have the right to express your emotions, but do not forget about your family. Do not insult them and do not take off your anger, the anger should go towards the culprit.

Step away from what is happening
Did you cry and stain your friend's shoulder with ink? Not scary. It's time to step back from what is happening and imagine that the nightmare did not happen to you. There is not only a traitor-lover in the world, remember your relatives, visit old friends. Finally, go to work and chat with colleagues.

If possible, buy a ticket to the sea, even a three-day tour will do. Who knows, maybe a sexy stranger and an unforgettable holiday romance awaits you there. Now it is important to abstract away, push what happened to the background. Do you find it easier said than realized? Try it! Do what you haven't done before. Any kind of extreme sports that will help the adrenaline rush will do. Go horseback riding, wind tunnel or visit the water park.

The first few months after the incident, try to spend time in a company that is not associated with the hero of the "celebration". In this way, you will exclude constant memories when everything was fine and no one betrayed anyone. Also, during this period, try to communicate more with friends than with best friends so that you are not tempted to regularly discuss the "goat" that made you go through the seven circles of hell.

Switch attention
Again, easy to say! However, you have to try. You probably have savings set aside for a rainy day, it's time to use them. Go shopping, buy beautiful lingerie, shoes and a branded handbag. Expand your circle of friends, accept an offer of a meeting, which you could not decide on before. Sign up for an English course, change your hairstyle, or change your apartment.

If the gap is permanent, remove the frames with photographs further away, cut his things with scissors and throw them in the trash. Eliminate all reminders of what happened. Are you registered on VKontakte? Remove the traitor from your friends and add to the black list so as not to track his last visits and not to injure your own psyche.

All of the above is obvious, however, for some unknown reason, some girls poison their souls, shedding tears and looking at joint pictures. You don't need to do this now. When the bitterness has passed, you will be able to examine the photos in detail, but without a storm of negative emotions. After the black stripe there is a white one, above the nose!

Face the truth
Stop lamenting and feeling sorry for yourself, it's time to figure out the reasons for what is happening. The constant repetition of "I didn't deserve it, how could he do this, bastard ..." will not lead to anything good. Take what happened for granted, it is not in vain that they say "What is not being done is for the better!" Stop thinking about the fact that you are not appreciated and disliked, look for problems in yourself. In such a situation, two are always to blame, do not throw everything off on the guy.

Analyze past actions and deeds, think, maybe you made a mistake somewhere? Have you stopped looking after yourself? Regularly denied your companion in bed pleasures? Stopped cooking or texted social networks with your ex? It is not difficult to push a man into betrayal if the girl does not devote enough time to him.

Start from scratch
As strange as it sounds, start new life... The time for tears and self-flagellation has passed, the time has come to act. Be polite and condescending to men, do not equate everyone with the same size. Girls who do not respect men and do not know how to appreciate them, as a rule, remain lonely.

Have you met a worthy person? Take your time, now you do not need to jump into the pool with your head. The wounds are still fresh, you risk transferring them into a new relationship. Go on dates, have fun, and don't limit yourself to little things. Enjoy your freedom while you can. Be happy, beautiful and desirable!

Psychological techniques

Keep a diary
Buy a notebook, write down in it the good moments that happened during the day. Did the handsome stranger smile? Let's write it down! Gave flowers for no reason? Excellent! Have you lost your place in the minibus? The world is not without good people!

Focus exclusively on positive things that make you smile and glow with happiness. Create a cozy atmosphere around you and energize those around you.

See a psychologist
Increasingly, modern men and women turn to professionals who help to sort out their own thoughts. The trend came from America and is gaining momentum every year. Do not hesitate to visit a psychologist, he is not a psychiatrist. You need to be afraid only if you sign up for a session for the latter.

Prohibited techniques

You don't have to be a bitch
A common mistake many girls make is neglecting others as a result of the betrayal suffered. Do not be like them, there are worthy people in the world. On the former lover, the light did not converge like a wedge. Do not attack others, do not judge them, and do not interfere with other people's life. Remain humane and judicious so as not to lose those who are truly dear.

Now aggression can be directed at the male half of the population, however, not all of them are bad. There are those who know how to protect, appreciate and respect their beloved, you just have not met such a man yet.

In films where a guy betrays a girl, she while away the evenings with a bottle of tequila, drowning in what is happening. Everything is easier in life. A lady in a drunken mind looks extremely unattractive: incoherent speech, a crooked gait and constant lamentations about a miserable fate. Do not forget that alcohol is a temporary measure, it will dull the pain that will return in the morning along with a hangover. The most that can be done is to have a drink with a friend, she will stop you in case of bust.

Leave the past in the past
Do not regularly compare "before" and "after". What happened is gone. There is no need to imagine the development of events that would have happened if you noticed strange behavior earlier or prepared a delicious dinner on time. Turn off your imagination, stop developing a non-existent scenario. By neglecting this advice, you will drain the body in hazy thoughts. Live in the present and think about the future!

Not sure how to survive the betrayal of a loved one? Invite a friend to visit, drink wine with her and cry. You should not keep emotions inside, otherwise they will burst out at the wrong moment. If it's really bad, visit a psychologist, he will help you understand the situation. Go shopping, buy cool things to the envy of all your friends. Book a trip to the sea and start a holiday romance! Don't worry, life goes on!

Video: how to forgive the betrayal of a loved one

The betrayal of a loved one is that unexpected blow of fate that you never expect.

When the one whose heart was beating with yours in unison betrays, when it is hard to breathe from pain, thoughts obsessively do not allow you to fall asleep, pain haunts. She cannot be cured with pills, she will return tomorrow and in a month. And throughout your life, even if the cheater has long been forgiven by you, a thread of memories will drag on. How to survive the betrayal of a loved one, how to start enjoying life at least after a while? Betrayal is a collapse of trust, hopes and feelings. It seems that it is impossible to build strong relationships again if your soul was trampled by a once close and dear person. How to start just living without tormenting yourself with the search for an answer to the question: "Why, why have I been betrayed?"

Why do people betray

Don't start making excuses. Even if during repentance you hear accusations from the wrong person, do not dare to agree with them. Yes, you could be wrong in something, you could even act wrong in relation to this person. But do not believe that the betrayal was a necessary measure. There is always a choice, so your close person could have acted differently, without betraying: talk to you, offer to take a break in the relationship, save face in front of you. Whether to forgive betrayal is, of course, your decision. But can you trust this person?

You are unlikely to find a reason for treason. Why did the beloved betray (deceived, did not put his shoulder, chickened out)? Because it was in his interests at some point. Because he least of all thought about you during the betrayal. Own "I" overpowered human values. And even if he had his own reasons, understandable only to him, are these reasons to justify him? Therefore, do not believe when many guilty persons are found during the showdown. First of all, the one who committed this act in relation to you is to blame. Think carefully before forgiving betrayal.

Should we forgive betrayal?

Should we forgive betrayal? Certainly. But only for himself, not for the sake of the betrayer. Daily thoughts of how to survive the betrayal of a loved one will keep you from moving forward. They will begin to poison life, will not allow the creation of new relationships in which there will be no place for deception. When you were exchanged for someone else, when you were given a backhand blow - how to forgive betrayal? Forgive in order to live and enjoy every day?

If the person who betrayed you has a conscience, it will punish him. Will punish more severe than your words, tears. Only conscience is capable of plunging a person into repentance; it is impossible to hide from it, to leave. It is not easy to survive the betrayal of a person, but it is possible if you do some work on yourself. And even if the bonus of the trauma suffered will be the opportunity to meet new people, events, feelings on the way. Life has never stopped because of betrayal. Don't stop yours yourself.

No matter how hard it is, you will have to get used to the idea of ​​betrayal. Understand that the person who hurt you is an ordinary weak person. And certain needs intervened in his life, for the sake of which he did so meanly to you. See the benefits: in the future, you will become stronger. Yes, more distrustful, tougher, more closed, but stronger.

If you are looking for how to survive the betrayal of a loved one, the advice of a psychologist will help you. So, start working on yourself today, now.

1. Unleash your tears - do not pretend that nothing has happened.

You will deceive others, but not your heart. Allow yourself to cry out all the tears, release all the negativity, so that the spring in your chest finally unclenches. Remain weak.

2. Alcohol is not your friend.

Not a single problem has yet been solved with alcohol. In addition, overdoing it, you can make a mistake (start calling the traitor, sort out the relationship with his new passion, if there has been a betrayal). In the morning, in addition to mental pain, "miraculous" consequences of drinking alcoholic beverages will stick to you.

3. Get out of sight of things that remind you of your tormentor.

Surviving a person's betrayal is unlikely to help his many things and photos decorating the apartment. Often, girls cry over everything related to their ex: his toothbrush, the kettle in which you heated the water together, the sand “on which he walked”. Do not bring the situation to the point of absurdity: get rid of everything that disturbs your thoughts, and do not give hidden meanings to everyday things.

4. Find something to do.

Surrender to the work process, show your professional skills. Sign up for a yoga course. Plan your day to have a minimum of free time. Ideally, if you choose an occupation in which you have zero experience: complete immersion in the basics of a new occupation can captivate your thoughts, leaving no moment for suffering. If they approach, go outside and look for something to do with yourself. Go for a walk in the park,. This will help you deal with betrayal better than reclusiveness.

5. Change something in your appearance.

Get a new haircut, buy a bright dress, make a difference in your life. Become more attractive, because you have a new life ahead! Have you heard about the benefits of shopping? Updating your wardrobe on a psychological level improves your mood. Has your ex-partner never liked redheads? Now nothing stops you from such a change of image.

6. Do not drive away new acquaintances and remember old friends.

Alone, you are unlikely to stop tormenting yourself with thoughts of how to survive the betrayal of your loved one. On the contrary, a lump that you roll in your head will only aggravate the situation. At first, let you laugh with strength, half-heartedly listen to the stories of your comrades. Over time, everything will change. Do not doubt.

7. Help someone who needs you.

Who! You choose - homeless animals (you can buy a stick of cheap sausage to feed the cat near the entrance). Find out what things and toys the orphanage needs. Maybe some of the relatives will need help. You will do a good deed, your soul will become light, and difficult thoughts will recede for a while.

How to survive the betrayal of a loved one? Yes, the advice of a psychologist can help, but the main task still lies with you - stop tormenting yourself. Stop thinking about what happened. It is difficult to survive, but possible. Believe what's ahead of you happy life... Not all people are prone to betrayal, so do not seek to see the world through a black veil. A failed experience is also an experience.

There are more than 7 billion people on earth, remember how hard it was for you to experience your first unhappy love (did you have an unhappy love at school?) Or parting with a person “better than whom you can’t find”. It is important for you to realize that your suffering is in your head, and if you decide to get rid of it, then you will succeed.

Probably, indeed, betrayal is the worst thing that can be. Betrayal of friends, loved ones, those in whom we have no doubts, those whom we trust without hesitation. It's like losing the earth under your feet and the sky over your head, because those we believe are our earth and our sky.

Isn't it silly to uproot a good old tree in order to hopefully stick a dubious market sapling in its place? Isn't it foolish to harass the good old, whether it be wives or leaders, for the sake of their naive hopes.

Understanding, compassion, kindness, love are the only ideals. And when we betray them, we become those we despise. And we lose our humanity, and then only violence and destruction remain in the world after us.

Fidelity in love is entirely a matter of physiology, it does not depend at all on our will. Young people want to be faithful - and they never do, old people would like to change, but where can they be.

Betrayal of a man is not treason. Betrayal is not that he left for another. Betrayal - when you're pregnant ... he'll tell you to have an abortion.

Thanks to those who left me in difficult times. You have made me stronger. So much stronger that we better not cross.

Trustworthiness is a brand, for the acquisition of which it is necessary to do some dirty trick.

Never forgive cheating. Any betrayal is a comparison, a search for the best that you have. He who seeks the best will never appreciate what he has ...

We must remember that those things that bring you a lot of money will sooner or later betray you.

He who sold his homeland and sells himself.

What could be more humiliating for a betrayer than the realization that they were not able to take advantage of his betrayal.

Kings know about the affairs of their ministers no more than cuckolds know about the affairs of their wives.

Don Juan is the one who cheats on a woman, but not on women.

It's a shame when you are Judas, and you are sold as Christ.

Betrayal, destroying hope and faith, kills love.

That physical betrayal is only a consequence of spiritual betrayal. For people who have given each other love have no right to lie.

Nothing in the world smells so good as the corpse of an enemy, a traitor or a traitor.

Love is not a moral issue. But feeling knows no betrayal. It grows, disappears, changes - where is the betrayal? This is not a contract.

To whom chastity is a burden, one should not advise it, lest it become a path to the underworld, turning into filth and lust of the soul.

Who is alive, in vain awaits the praise of the haughty crowd. Only the devotion of friends is the treasure of the masters, It is more beautiful than all the riches of the world.

The most cruel, the most evil and intolerant of their opponents are traitors and renegades.

Capable of any deception is one who is used to making black white and white black.

Keep me, Lord, from those whom I believe. Who I don’t believe - I myself will beware.

Betrayal, like the law, has no retroactive effect.

When your head is turned, it is difficult to notice the moment when your neck has already been broken.

It makes no sense to kill petty traitors in a state where the government itself consists of traitors.

Love and friendship are the things for which you have to endure betrayal and betrayal.

The first betrayal is irreparable. It triggers a chain reaction of further betrayals, each of which further and further removes us from the point of our original betrayal.

Forgiving betrayal is not much different from betrayal itself.

He has already abandoned you once and will leave you again. You can't depend on people who let you down.

Believing the oaths of a traitor is like believing the godliness of the devil.

The biggest competition is in the market for selling skins.

Every backstab has its own face.

One cannot be betrayed in order to protect many.

The closest thing to the body is a selling hide.

Is there even one person who has never betrayed? Loyalty is exclusively a dog's quality!

The betrayal of the people closest to us is killing us slowly, very slowly ... It seems to rip off the skin from your entire being ... you can live without a soul, without a hand ... but without skin? When is your body one continuous wound?

He was a person, he betrayed - he became a roundabout.

I wrote here many times, thanks to everyone for the previous answers, if you type my nickname you get a whole picture of events thanks to which I have matured this decision. But I will try to summarize as briefly and to the point as I can. A year ago, I was betrayed by all the close people who raised me. You know, there are moments when you just need to catch your breath and continue living again, my mother's sister and mother's mother, together with her daughter and my father, did everything to destroy me as a person and as a person. From the age of 18 I endured contempt, humiliation, physical pressure in my own home, I resisted as much as I could and as much as I had the strength to defend myself and ask them not to touch me. I loved life so much, I was very cheerful and positive, I instilled confidence in my friends and always saw only good things in people. And when I got sick (three years ago my first boyfriend dumped me) and I needed, if not support and understanding, but at least a bit of tact, I received a bunch of slops from the people closest to me who grew me up. Now I don't see any meaning in my life anymore. Even strangers seem mean to me, and the worst thing about people I notice first of all, they annoy me and I just hate them. My profession was connected with journalism: constantly communicating, I wanted to write about the problems of society, about culture and interesting events, but I no longer want to communicate with people. How can I believe in anything good, when my uncle almost raped me at the age of 16, his wife beat me twice in my room in front of a smiling mother, just because I just asked to leave me alone - it seemed to her too impudent , her daughter, always offended by life, constantly muttered to me that we live better than them, there was a lot of envy in her, which her mother carefully cultivated, her father always considered me a problem and hated me ... You can continue for a long time. I don’t want to prove something to them, I don’t want to just live anymore. In God, no matter how much I prayed, my faith was not restored, because I do not understand how he can allow the person who fell at some point in his life to be morally finished off? No matter how much I go to churches, I see only pictures instead of icons, beautiful but for a long time no longer bearing anything. My soul is crying inside me all the time, but you can't hear it, I've been wearing the mask of the impenetrability of a stone face without emotions for a year so that these hyenas don't gnaw at me. I do not live, morally I died a long time ago, but physically since last year at the peak of scandals - I started having arrhythmia - this is when, due to constant stress, my heart stops beating normally and I experience very severe pain, which doctors do not recommend drowning out any pills because that sinus arrhythmia at 22 is generally an anomaly, as they told me. There have been two suicide attempts before. What difference does it make if my heart stops in ten years or in a couple of days? I no longer believe, hope, and love life.
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Umbrella, age: 08/04/2011

Feedback:

I really understand you. I myself was very disappointed in people. You know, I myself sometimes do not find the strength to make new acquaintances, because when you burn yourself with hot milk, then later on cold water You start blowing. I also went through the pain of disappointment. But life goes on, no matter what. Separate from your household. Now take care of your health and try not to think and not remember past grievances, no matter how deep they may be. Such a forgiveness is very difficult, I understand. It takes courage, great courage to forgive even what those whom you considered your family did to you. I know what it feels like when you are morally trampled on. But I know that I have to live on and not get angry against all mankind. There are and there are normal people in life. Believe, hope and love life, even though life has given you such a slap in the face. Do not be discouraged and also do not lose faith in people. And know: since you wrote a request for help, it means that you have already spoken out, thrown out your grief, as they say. Do not keep the negative in yourself. Keep a diary. Write, pour out everything that is boiling in your soul. Write here on the forum. Communicate with people. Just do not become isolated in your grievances. On the contrary, treat yourself for grievances, as we usually treat for sores. A clear wound needs to be treated and it needs to be treated now. You have already overcome the first step. Now everything will be different. Everything will change for the better, which I sincerely wish you.

Aigulya, age: 34/04/2011

Cute girl.
You knew the dirt of life very early, did not receive proper support, love. They didn’t even get normal living conditions.
I can't even imagine what is going on in your soul and what an emptiness in your heart. But YOU survived and did not break in those monstrous conditions! You have acquired the grip and strength to carry on with your life.
Yes, it's hard for you, but look at the sun, look at the smiles of people, at the arms of lovers. You can have it all, make it so that you want to have it all.

Forgive the analogy, a small kitten thrown out into the street, fleas jump on it, his eyes hurt, he has nothing to eat and no one loves him. HE - lives, he does not go under the wheels or on the roof. OH- He lives, although he cannot change anything.
You can change everything! Do this and save the kitten.

Nina, age: 26/04/2011

I have a girlfriend, she is now 28. Her family also had a similar situation. She was simply persecuted by her aunts, uncles and their children. Her mother left her to be raised by her grandmother as a child. Grandma was the only person who loved my girlfriend. Well, that grandmother was soon gone. And she was left alone. Her own life began. From the beginning, from scratch. Now she rents an apartment alone, lives quite happily for herself, works as best she can. Her life has just begun. Previously, she did not have the opportunity to live the way she liked, the people with whom she lived constantly humiliated her, laughed at her, considered her just a gray, worthless mouse. At the time of our acquaintance with her, she was then 25 years old - she was a notorious virgin who does not know life at all. Now everything has changed. She just really wanted to live by her own rules. And she created her own rules. And she is happy, takes care of herself, men like her, loves to go shopping very much, she has so many clothes that there is nowhere to put. Previously, she did not have the opportunity to choose her outfits. She lives for herself. Just making up for lost time. And of course she thinks about the future, plans to start a family one day. He hardly communicates with relatives, but maintains contact. Recently her uncle called, asked for money on credit, she of course will send. Because it does not hold any grudge against them. You are 22, leave these relatives alone, do not waste your nerves on unworthy people. Start a new life, independent.

Luchiana, age: 29/04/2011

Hello:)
Sometimes, no matter how hard it is, we must leave our past behind. No matter how scary it is. At some point, you just need to throw it into the corner from your shoulders (or better far away), like ballast, and move on. Into my new life.
This is the only way out to live.
Only you are in charge of your life now. Is it wise to spend your beautiful days and nights for memories?
Most likely, you have accumulated a lot of aggression. Only one remedy works against this, and it is, alas, bitter. It is called "Learning to Forgive."
You have not read the biographies of different famous people? And the lives of the saints? All people who achieved something in their life, at one point or another, had to leave their past in order to move on. Why are so few people achieving success and happiness in life? Yes, because very few people can like this ...
And God ... He just loves and forgives us every time. You also need to turn your face to Him, or rather your heart, in order to hear some kind of answer ... We basically demand only some kind of unconditional happiness, not realizing that we must build our own happiness, otherwise it will not be our real happiness ... I think so.
I wish you to overcome everything. It is possible.
Guardian Angel to you.

Rita, age: 26/04/2011

Hello.
Remember you. I remember when I wrote to you before. Although I don't know you at all, I am very glad that I can hear you. Tell me, how can I convince you that all our earthly sorrows are nothing compared to the mental anguish of suicides? You must understand that this is indeed the case. Everyone who has somehow crossed paths with this speaks about this. The souls of such people go to hell. You know, sometimes it seems that such people are too fixated on themselves. Have you been betrayed? I was also betrayed. And only now, at the age of 28, I begin to understand this and try to forgive. And these were also the closest ones. You know, only after experiencing grief did I become calmer about such behavior of other people. Now I'm just getting
understandable, because it is better for your soul if you forgive. From this it is as if a stone falls from the soul. This is very difficult. Only now I am beginning to realize this. And only after the grief experienced. Apparently that's how we are arranged. I got to this site when I contracted an incurable venous disease. Believe me, it can be difficult for me too. But for now, thank God he is alive! I have time to be of some use in this world. I know that there are people who find it very difficult. They need to be supported now. Then everything will work out for them. After all, it is sometimes important to simply change your attitude to the situation. Then, with life experience, such an understanding comes. This must be done. I have such an opportunity. I myself am very happy when someone manages to turn away from a terrible fatal step. It is easier for me to realize that I bring benefit to people. Happy that I just live in this world. And only now I began to understand that it was necessary to take care of all this and thank God for everything. You are great for going to church. I beg you very much, no matter how difficult and painful it may be for you, be patient. It goes away. Even if you don't feel anything at all, you have to live through I can’t. Understand, this is how it should be. Keep on praying. Through force. Even if you don't feel anything at all and it seems that it only makes you worse. All this will pass. Be sure to help those who are in difficulty. God will not leave you. Live, please. You are a young girl, and you will be able to accomplish a lot in life. You must live. Do not ruin your soul for the joy of demons. They are just waiting for this. Please fight. If I could give a piece of understanding that one should live, I would definitely share it with you! :) It will be difficult, write. It's easier to fight together.

Sergey K, age: 28. / 04.08.2011

Yes, my friend, you have driven yourself to an extreme degree of despair.
How can I help you? Unfortunately - you didn't write a word in your story - about what you are to blame. But with any attentive attitude to the situation, to ourselves, to life - we must first of all see our mistakes, our guilt and correction, start with ourselves, then our life around us also changes.
You see - my friend - you have claims to everyone except yourself.
Could there be some kind of magic pill - which can help you now instantly fix everything? Not. You can now drown out your despair - by constant work, activities, i.e. some kind of activity. Which is what I advise you to do in the next few weeks.
And then, when you calm down a little, try to rewrite all the events that happened to you through the prism of what you can be guilty of, what you did wrong. For example, I know that I’m guilty that I didn’t love and love my mother enough, didn’t obey her, didn’t help her, so now I’m probably to blame for the fact that my mother often reproaches me with something (this is me about myself) and not always kind to me etc.
Then think about what you can do to change the situation - to change your attitude towards your family and people. A person responds to a good attitude with good (albeit not immediately), to evil - often evil.
About the difference between death in 10 years or a couple of days: if you die through suicide, you will destroy your eternal soul, inflict severe (until the end of days) psychological trauma on your loved ones. You have already died - mentally. Why else would you die? And you try to resurrect and return to a normal joyful life.
So you had only claims to God. But the relationship with God is built on the principle - the daughter's trust in the Father. What would you get from your dad - to your requests - if you only reproached him with something?
Forgive me - where I was cutting. I may be wrong. This is just food for thought.
Fight - now only you can help yourself.

Sveta, age: 29/04/2011

Hello,

I do not know all the circumstances, but ... Do you have the opportunity to leave your family, change your environment?

Ira, age: 26/05/2011

Hello, unfortunately, I am familiar with human cruelty. It was very hard for me to live. Now, as I recall, I can’t believe that this happened to me. But life is changing. Now I have a family, children. Do not despair, everything can change. These people are not worthy of you, they should not part with their lives because of them.

Nata, age: 43 / 04/25/2013

Hello. I understand you very well. Eternal quarrels, swearing, betrayal - all this knocks you down and deprives you of the meaning of life. I myself have been experiencing stress for about six months, at first the girl left, then my relatives turned away. I ask you not to end your life like this, but to pay attention to yourself. Be calm. Smile. Look what you don't like about yourself. And work on them. And it will become easier for you)

Danil, age: 02/01/2015

Betrayal can take different shapes... A loved one who had an affair on the side, a close friend who spreads bad rumors about you, a business partner who ran away with money and left you to deal with creditors are just a few typical examples.

In my work, I come across such stories from time to time, and what amazes me most is the emotional reaction this evokes in those who have become its victims. It hurts, confidence crumbles to dust, and shame often lurks beneath rage and amazement.

Some react to betrayal by hiding from the world and avoiding communication altogether. Sometimes they try to keep the fact a secret - especially when it comes to personal life. A victim of adultery may be reluctant to go public for fear of public shame.

Isolation condemns us to loneliness and alienation, which can eventually lead to depression.

The one who was betrayed is not to blame for what happened, but may feel responsible for it and feel ashamed. During therapy, I often ask clients, “Why are you so ashamed? Did you change / steal / lie / spread rumors? "

By hiding information about a painful event from others, we thereby deprive ourselves of the opportunity to receive support or see what happened from a different point of view. Because of this, we begin to blame ourselves for being naive or to speculate that we ourselves have provoked the betrayal. Isolation condemns us to loneliness and alienation, which can eventually lead to depression. But in order to successfully heal the trauma, we need the exact opposite.

How to heal from the trauma of betrayal and regain your confidence?

1. Allow yourself to comprehend what happened. Some take action immediately, but it's perfectly okay to give yourself time before reacting. This is especially important if you have thoughts of revenge.

2. Take care of yourself- both physically and emotionally. Eat right, exercise, get enough sleep, and be kind to yourself.

3. Try to protect yourself from further damage that the "traitor" can inflict on you. For example, if your business partner turns out to be financially unscrupulous, sort out the financial issues as soon as possible. If you have been cheated on, but you have decided not to end the relationship yet, protect yourself from possible diseases.

4. Share your feelings with someone you trust. This is no time to hide. Communicate more often with those who value you, know your best qualities, and help you maintain your self-esteem.

5. Don't take the blame for what happened. Remind yourself why you were in a relationship with this person and what you hoped for. Show compassion for yourself, remembering that betrayal is quite common and many have experienced it.

Sometimes after him it seems that we will no longer be able to trust anyone. It is important to maintain relationships with people who can help us, communication with whom gives us strength and brings joy. Don't let what happens to ruin your relationship with someone who has never done anything wrong to you. Try to find time every day to talk about something enjoyable and positive.

Recovering from a betrayal will take time. During this period, it is important to treat yourself with the utmost kindness and attention. You deserve it.