How to become a well-mannered person. What does it mean to be raised

3. How does a well-mannered person not behave? Respects others, does not interrupt during a conversation, the interlocutor refers to the interlocutor by the nickname.

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How often do you hear people think about what it means to be raised today? Our society has made progress in many ways, the standard of living has improved. But despite this, you often observe that many are simply not taught the elementary norms of behavior. But the real adornment of a person is not gold and diamonds, but his words and behavior.

It's nice to hear from others in your address that your opinion will be heard, it means a lot and everyone considers you well-mannered person, this is the best praise. But how does such an idea of ​​the surrounding people form? Maybe, having received a diploma, any of us immediately automatically become educated and cultured? And is upbringing important in our society, or is a decent education the main thing?

A well-mannered person has good manners that are deeply rooted in his mind. His behavior will remain the same regardless of the circumstances. Some may restrain themselves while they are in full view of strangers, but may behave rudely with loved ones when no one is seeing.

  • In a well-mannered person, intelligence is rooted inside.
  • It's nice to be around with educated people, outwardly these charming people.
  • Their words will not be rude, tactless, they behave delicately with others.
  • They treat others with respect and mutual respect.
  • A well-mannered person does not attract all the attention to himself, leaving others in the shadows, not allowing others to say a word. Such a person knows how to listen without interrupting.

But what does it mean to be raised from birth? It is especially important for the younger generation to see examples of such behavior and learn from them, but much depends on the parents. If mom and dad themselves do not possess such qualities, do not consider them important, it is unlikely that their children will grow up well-mannered. If children are not taught to give way to their elders in transport, or they may speak disrespectfully with their elders, and their parents do not react to this in any way, they will grow up ill-mannered and behave in a rude way. Parents are the teachers from whom the child learns the most and the main responsibility in matters of upbringing lies with them.

Observing how adults behave in different situations, what is the relationship between mom and dad and other family members, how work is valued in the family, the child absorbs this and he develops certain behavior patterns. It is important how adults talk to children, in what tone. If the mother explains everything with a shout, what these words mean: a well-bred child cannot look intimidated. After all, good breeding is the ability to conduct a dialogue, unobtrusively, respecting the opinions of others, even if it is just a baby. You can say the right words, but in such a tone that no one wants to listen to them.

Paying attention to external things, beautiful clothes, hairstyles, let us also remember the main human qualities that make us human. Of course, a well-mannered person will look cultured and neat outwardly, without losing moral qualities. And it is also important that these qualities will help you to be happy yourself.

Respect is determined by a person's behavior, manners, and the ability to dress. The foundations of education are laid in childhood... Parents and people around them act as a model of behavior with which the child reads data and applies it in adult life. A well-mannered person, treats people with respect. The rules of conduct change under the influence of such factors: place of residence, status and religion of a person. IN recent times publications are published proving the influence of heredity on personality manners. What is good breeding? Is it an innate or acquired quality?

What is good breeding?

An educated person treats people with respect regardless of the circumstances. At the same time, different requirements are imposed on the child and the adult. It is enough for children to follow the rules established in the family. The respectfulness of an adult is manifested in following good manners and maintaining the norms of behavior adopted in a particular environment.

A well-mannered person, being in society, takes into account what customs are inherited in the country or family. For example, in the east, it is customary for dear guests to pour an incomplete cup of tea. Refilling the glass, the owners of the house show their attention once again.

An adult has to maintain the level of upbringing, since the world around does not stand still. Cultural trends and political views are changing. The foundations of manners are laid by the parents, then the person educates himself.

A cultured person stands out with gestures, facial expressions, speech. During a conversation, a well-mannered person does not wave his hands, pronounces words in a calm tone, does not grimace. Such a person reacts to the opinions of others, does not gossip behind his back, letting go of sharp and stinging things. A person with impeccable manners is called diplomatic, tactful, polite.

What kind of a well-mannered person is he?

The norms of behavior are invented by people. Therefore, there is controversy over the definition of a respectful person. Such disputes are easy to resolve. Ask the people around you why they think you are a well-mannered person. Let's list the criteria that are recognized by society:

  1. Charm and pleasant communication. A well-mannered person radiates benevolence, does not resort to an increased tone. People are drawn to such a personality, they are surrounded by attention.
  2. Intelligence. For many, it is a synonym for a cultural personality. An intelligent person is restrained, laconic, with dignity. Not out of balance, no matter what happens around.
  3. Tactfulness and delicacy. A well-mannered person would rather remain silent than express an opinion that will offend the interlocutor. In a conversation, he does not use obscene words, does not touch upon topics that are unpleasant to others.
  4. Respect. It is not ostentatious quality and play on people. A well-mannered person will treat a stranger or a loved one with equal respect.

Factors affecting good manners

Raising a child is not only about instilling kindness and good skills. Grown people face betrayal, anger, hatred in life. Therefore, it is important to take off the pink glasses from the child in time. Tell the children instructive stories, analyze examples from life.

Since the skill is laid from an early age, then the parents influence the behavior and character of a person. What other factors affect good manners?

  1. Family relationships. A child in the womb reacts to light, sounds, voices. Therefore, it should be built not from the baby's birthday, but from the day of conception. Banal conflicts lead to serious quarrels. Adults are not ready to give in, they are looking for the extreme or the guilty one. Take it as a basis to talk about scandals and admit that they are wrong. Show your child that love and understanding reigns in your family. So that the children of other people, consider his opinion and allow to enter into debates. Let him learn to defend his point of view tactfully and reasoned, and not shouting and hysterics.

    It is better to show once by example how an educated person behaves than to explain the rules of behavior a hundred times.

  2. Environment. A mother or grandmother takes a greater part in raising a child. Cones fall on them if the child stumbles. The ideal parenting scheme is the equal participation of mom and dad. But, in addition to communicating with parents, the child attends kindergarten, school, circles. Children watch TV, play computer games, read books. Education is formed under the influence of information received by the child outside the home. At the same time, the opinion from the outside is valued more than the notations of relatives. In order not to lose credibility, take an interest in the affairs of the child, pay attention to him every day, analyzing together how the day went.

Do you want to raise a well-mannered personality? Forget about the use of force, do not make remarks to the child in the presence of strangers. Make sure your children understand that he is important to you every day. By instilling rules of conduct in a child, adults maintain their level of deference.

Upbringing: an innate or acquired quality?

Previously, it was believed that if you surround a baby with well-mannered people, then an angel will grow out of him. Research by scientists has proven the opposite. Education is influenced by the efforts of parents and genes. Physical ability and health conditions also contribute. It is not for nothing that married couples who decide to adopt a child carefully study who he was born by.

Scientists have proven that heredity affects a person's upbringing. If identical twins are separated in infancy and given to different families, then they will still have the same character traits.

On the other hand, the rules of conduct laid down in the family affect a person. , aggressiveness, non-standard actions are the consequences of upbringing. They grow up with callous parents. An unstable family environment leads to problems in adulthood. Scientists have identified the factors that affect poor parenting: poverty, domestic violence, poor nutrition, and the presence of bad habits among parents. It is possible to stop the destructive impact if outside help is involved. The participation of social services, the passage of rehabilitation programs.

Whose side is the truth on? Is good breeding an innate or acquired quality? In fact, the situation cannot be viewed one-sidedly. A person is born with a set of genes that. At the same time, being in society, succumbing to the influence of others, the personality changes, builds a line of behavior. A person's manners are formed in equal parts under the influence of:

  1. Hereditary factors. Includes character, vulnerability and physical state baby.
  2. Education. It is formed as a result of the attitude of parents and others to the child, the presence of stressful situations and aggravating circumstances.

A person's personality is formed as a result of the interaction of heredity and upbringing. These two factors complement each other, connecting at certain intervals of life. In the first three years, genes, biological data dominate. Then they weaken, and the environment of the baby is connected. During this period, genetic vulnerability manifests itself. Constant stress and depression change a person, affect reverence and disrupt the brain. Scientists have proven that the correct upbringing can defeat genetic diseases.

Polls have shown that the level of education is falling. Other patterns of behavior contribute to this. If you go back to the recent past, you can see that the fairer sex was brought up in institutions for noble girls. In addition to education, girls were taught communication skills and dignified manners. , exquisite taste was instilled, attention was paid to behavior. The boys sought to get into cadet schools, where, in addition to military wisdom, they learned responsibility, composure, and politeness. Today at government agencies assign a role to education, but not upbringing. Putting all the cards in the hands of the parents. But, not all adults are ready to raise a worthy social unit.

How to become a well-mannered person?

  1. Analyze your behavior. Think about which aspects or character traits you would like to improve. Then ask someone you know to give you a testimonial. Work on negative and weak points.
  2. Respect others. Start with destruction. Don't let yourself feel bad about other people. Before you speak, give advice, think about whether you would like to hear such words addressed to you.
  3. Communicate with people in a relaxed way. People perceive the inability to maintain a conversation as bad manners. After all, such a person is silent or utters nonsense. Restraint, shyness, leads to the fact that a person is embarrassed to speak out. In order not to be considered an ill-mannered person, learn to communicate with people.
  4. Find the ideal. At first, you need an example to follow to form the basics. Look for a well-mannered person among friends. The hero of a movie or book will do. If there is no suitable example, then make new acquaintances, communicate with people more often, note what character traits you like, adopt experience.
  5. Take other people's opinions. to a person, ridicule of behavior or clothing speaks of a lack of upbringing. Each personality manifests itself in its own way and does not need to impose your opinion. Do not make fun of people with physical or mental disabilities.

Upbringing is formed as a result of heredity and the contribution of parents and the public. A person is able to improve this skill by working on himself. The level of upbringing is manifested in non-standard situations. If the demeanors are superficial, then under stress, a person will break loose and show true emotions. The upbringing, given by nature and acquired during life, attracts with manners, sophistication, the ability of a person to communicate and look worthy.

This is the one who has mastered it perfectly. Thanks to good manners, you can establish a favorable relationship with society, which significantly increases the comfort of life for each person.

Distinctive features

This is a person who uses expressions, intonation and tone in a conversation that are conducive to benevolent communication. Also, gestures, gait, facial expressions play an important role. You should be moderately modest, but not squeezed and secretive. When giving a word, you need to be responsible for him, keep your promises, because you need not only to make a good impression, but also to consolidate it, to support it for a long time.

The qualities of a well-mannered person help him to communicate tactfully with others. There are specific instructions and tips, thanks to which you can get a pretty clear idea of ​​the framework of etiquette, being in which, you will be known as a pleasant interlocutor and a welcome guest in any company.

Correct communication

For starters, do not speak too loudly and use harsh language, because your goal is not to outshout your opponent. If you have a dispute with someone, you should completely rely on the consistency and argumentation of your own position. A well-mannered person is a person who can assert himself through calm confidence in his own arguments, and not emotional pressure on a competitor. Gestures should be calm and smooth, you should not make excessively sharp movements, they usually leave a not very pleasant impression.

In fact, the people around you want to tune in to a wave of peace and harmony, deep down they will not forgive you if you want to disturb this state. In addition to the fact that you should not interfere with the life of others, it is worth thinking about yourself. Keep track of your wardrobe. It is not necessary to dress according to the latest fashion in the latest items of the most expensive brands, but a well-mannered person should at least control the cleanliness and tidiness of his own clothes. There is nothing difficult in putting on only clean things, ironing them before putting them on, cleaning shoes.

The importance of self-control

Life does not always follow the scenario that we draw in our imaginations. Sometimes it drives us into a dead end, causes stress, forces us to leave our comfort zone, but even then we should not lose our composure, blaming everything on circumstances.

What kind of person is called educated? Perhaps the one who, stepping on a cat in a dark corridor, calls it a cat. I.e good manners should not be a mask for you, with the help of which you try to get into the trust of others. They should become a norm, a habit, the only acceptable way of communication.

Even if you did not share something with someone, your opinions disagreed with someone else's in the dialogue, you are faced with a complete reluctance to take your arguments into account, you should not lose control. In such situations, the best advisor is the voice of reason, as well as those learned earlier, which will help not to lead the situation into an even greater impasse.

The rules of a well-mannered person exclude the manifestation of ill will towards other people. We can say that you have a different point of view, but in no case get personal. It is enough to conclude that you are not on your way and disperse without going into further details.

Show respect and courtesy

Respect in society must be earned and, most importantly, not lost in the future. What kind of person is called educated? Someone who is always ready to listen carefully to anyone who turns to him for advice or in any case does not show obvious disdain. It can be difficult at times.

Everyone has situations when there is neither time nor desire to communicate with any particular person. At such moments, it is very important to deviate from the conversation tactfully so that the interlocutor does not have an unpleasant aftertaste on his soul.

To be able to follow your interests, while not offending others, is a great art, worthy of understanding and mastering it, because it greatly simplifies life and opens up many opportunities.

Do not humiliate yourself and do not impose

You can also consider the opposite situation, when you need something, but they do not want to communicate with you, for lack of all the same free time or a banal craving for this. A well-mannered person is one who will not impose and put his own interests at the forefront. You can only offer your own society.

There is nothing shameful in asking others for a favor, but true tactlessness will extort it, reproach for indifference, and so on. In essence, blaming other people is tactlessness. In fact, such people blame others for what they themselves sin a lot.

If you try to achieve what you want by such methods, you can fall very low in the eyes of others, and then it will be very difficult to return a positive impression about yourself.

Improving the social life of the individual

Thanks to the rules of etiquette, you can get an idea of ​​how to behave so that awkward situations and conflicts with other individuals do not arise. In general terms, they imply respect and benevolence when communicating. In this case, they should not play a significant role status or the position of the interlocutor. Everyone is equally worthy to be treated properly.

Within the framework of humanism, it is believed that every human creation is inherently pure. Etiquette helps you not to lose this inner light, maintain it in yourself and take care of the well-being of others.

A person is a creature for whom life is considered optimal in a society of his own kind. We are all closely related. By insulting someone, you are defaming yourself. This will never be done by a person whose upbringing and manners will not allow such a fall.

By maintaining friendly relations with other people, the person provides his own peace. By respecting others, you also put yourself high. Those who assert themselves through rudeness and humiliation tend to have low self-esteem and do not consider themselves important.

Conversely, individuals who show respect for those who are around feel quite confident and comfortable in society. The choice is yours.


Doctor of cultural studies, consultant of the International Center for Advanced Studies Vladimir Nikitin, expresses his point of view on the problems of education. He has two adult children: his daughter Olga is 29 years old, she is an architect, and his son studies at the polygraphic faculty at the technical university "KPI", he is 25 years old. The analysis of personal experience and the desire to deeply understand the essence of upbringing as such allowed Vladimir Afrikanovich to draw rather interesting conclusions.

Upbringing, I think, is much more complicated than education, and therefore it seems to many to be a simple and secondary matter: after all, parents and the school used to cope with it - they can do it now. I think that they will not cope - the world has changed a lot and is changing. The school already has no claims to education - there are no opportunities.

I understand that, first of all, it is difficult to understand who is bringing up realistically: family, yard, school, city, TV or all together. Secondly, what is the great uncertainty of what is considered the goal of upbringing - career and success in life, the ability to love or survive, adherence to the norms of behavior?

I think that our generation was lucky and unlucky over time. We are experiencing a civilizational rift, which is no less in scale than the rift in the Renaissance, even, perhaps, equal to the one that occurred during the transition from antiquity to the Christian world. Then these breaks lasted for centuries, but we are experiencing this for one generation, although we have not yet fully realized what happened to us. Often you have to remember your childhood, look at your children - and, on the one hand, be horrified, and on the other, understand the abyss that divided our world and which we have to pull together with our own life and our own understanding. It is very easy to scold young people, because even in the ancient Egyptian papyrus three thousand years BC it was written: "The world is coming to its end, because children have ceased to obey their elders." It is more difficult for the elders to understand and accept - for the preservation of what in the world they are responsible and what they should pass on to the children, and what the children already understand better or more precisely than us.

I grew up in Kiev in the courtyard of the St. Sophia Cathedral. Then I worked there for many years. The feeling of this historical clot was always just present in me and around me. My school was elite (№13, Kiev). In the school library stood Karamzin in morocco binding and handed out to schoolchildren, documents of Peter and Catherine, collected works of the famous pre-revolutionary publisher Marx. All world classics are also in luxurious bindings. We were taught pretty well, the preparation was very good, and I passed lessons in the library. Sitting under the ceiling on the stairs, where the old librarian could not climb, I found books that remained from the gymnasium library - from French novels of the beginning of the century to books on art history. There was also a huge bookcase at home, where I spent part of my childhood. My father was a teacher at a military school. I saw little of my father; he was on duty almost all the time. But when he studied in Leningrad at the military academy, I lived with my parents for two years in the very center of this wonderful city. Mom took me to the Hermitage almost every week. Even today I can describe everything that was there then. I did not pay special attention to the general education school - I studied in sports school, an art studio, spent a lot of time with friends. Nevertheless, our entire class easily entered universities, and personally I entered the Faculty of Architecture. Architectural education provided unique training - technical, humanitarian and design training at the same time.

It was very important for the parents to keep the measure. As a child, I was forbidden to read a lot, in the first grade I was limited to one hundred pages a day. My father was pleased that playing sports distracted me from my drunken reading. My parents are from a deep province, and it was very important for them that their children go beyond theirs in life. Parents successfully combined what was preserved from the traditions of a large family with the achievements of urban civilization. I began to understand the role of parents in my upbringing quite late, after 35 years. I studied at an elite school, a bohemian university faculty - and I got the impression that my parents were already behind. But the fact that it was my mother who took me to the Hermitage, I appreciated only after 30 years. A conscientious attitude towards parents began to develop late, when I was already faced with my children.

I received my basic education and upbringing not at the institute or at school, but from Georgy Petrovich Shchedrovitsky, a philosopher and methodologist. I worked with him for a long time, 15 years. Participated in seminars and games. This was a person who was engaged in thinking, reflection, or rather, to say - "set" thinking. He was a brilliant educator for me. He shaped my attitude to the world and allowed me to understand something in it. I now realize what great luck it is to see a living specimen of personality.

It is very difficult to educate your children, since upbringing is always violence where you inculcate cultural norms or set character. You have to enter into some other relationship with your children, and it is the moment of violence in upbringing that creates a gap between the teacher and the child. Parents have slightly different functions than a caregiver.

Modern education should give an understanding of what you want from the world and what you want to do in it. I realized that I need to cultivate a sense of the border and the need for different things. It is the loss of the border that is a sign of a lack of education at all. The concept of boundaries between different things, the ability to move from one to another - this is the ability that allows you to treat elders as elders, younger ones as younger ones, Jews - as Jews, Christians - as Christians.

There are three aspects to family education. The first is maintaining a relationship of intimacy, where the moment of speaking is very important. Many family tragedies could have been avoided if we talked to each other more often. I realized that family relationships are work, and that they need to be restored anew every time. And when you feel that something is torn, you need to try to immediately restore closeness by talking to each other and helping each other.

In education, the presence of samples is also very important. The tragedy of modern culture is that living samples are being replaced by virtual ones. Superhero Batman is very difficult to imitate, it is impossible to perceive him as a model, live samples are needed, and it is very important to point children to such samples.

The second layer of upbringing is “setting before”. About young Onegin, Pushkin reports that he was taken for a walk in the Summer Garden; among the sculptures, among the secular public, he got acquainted with the world in which he was to live, the structure and samples of which he had already comprehended from childhood.

The third educational function of the family is the task of teaching to distinguish, and not only good and evil, but, as mentioned above, many other things. If you give your children the ability and ability to distinguish, and not just impose your distinctions, teach them to independently comprehend, understand, reflect, then you will prepare them to live in a changing world. Reflection is completely thrown out of the school system. The ability to look at yourself and others from the outside means to overcome the boundaries between yourself now and yourself in the place from which you are looking. This ability is not given naturally, it is put technically. When a child finds himself in a difficult life, you need to manage not to punish him, but to help him "put" a look at his act, at others, at himself in this situation and see a way out.

Returning to the questions about upbringing, posed at the beginning, I will give my answer, understood from those relations with parents, the city, children, books, which I spoke about above. It educates, as they liked to say in the nineteenth century, the environment, not an individual, and the responsibility of the older generation for the nature of this environment is unconditional, and the family is the nuclear cell of this environment - the first, protective and shaping character of the child, shell.

The goal of upbringing, I think, cannot be success in life or career. I knew parents who, realizing their duty in this way, crippled their children, making them champions. The goal of upbringing is to preserve the continuity of the human world, including through understanding their place in supporting the connection between generations, the integrity of the environment where children end up.

A sign of a well-mannered person is his careful and responsible attitude towards others. BUT modern world breaks - and it becomes as difficult to educate as to remain the most educated person.