Hidden psychological impact on a communication partner in order to achieve beneficial behavior from him is called manipulation. In communication with their own kind, without realizing it, people often use manipulative methods, especially when they want to achieve something from another person. Since the concept of "manipulation" is understood differently by everyone, let's consider what manipulation is.

As mentioned above, manipulation is a hidden psychological impact. In conclusion, I will say that the topic of manipulation in communication, of course, is not exhausted by this publication and will be continued. To illustrate the concept of manipulation, we will give an example. In this case, this is an example of manipulation on a person's need to look beautiful in the eyes of the object of sighing. You are sitting in a summer cafe with the girl you are courting and have small talk with her about life and love. And then a pretty teenage girl (or no less pretty grandmother) comes up to you with a bunch of flowers and offers you to buy them. What do you think - is this the usual slightly intrusive offer to buy or manipulation? Answer: manipulation. Why? Because there is a hidden calculation that it will be embarrassing for you to refuse to buy flowers for this girl (and for whom else!?) in front of the girl herself. After all, she will think that you feel sorry for her flowers, and you will feel like a miser and a fool for an hour. Therefore, it is often easier for a man to pay off his awkwardness and not spoil the evening. This is the calculation.

Thus, the difference between manipulation and other methods of influence lies in the fact that during manipulation, in addition to an explicit and open motive (trade offer), there is a hidden motive, calculation, subtext (it will be embarrassing for him to look stingy).

An example of manipulation in trading. In a store, a customer chooses a product, hesitantly considering either cheaper or more expensive items.
Salesman:- This model is better, but it is probably too expensive for you.
Customer:- Here I'll take it.

At the external level, the seller stated some truthful facts: the high quality of the item and the low financial capabilities of the buyer. The hidden meaning of this manipulation is the calculation of the desire of the buyer at least in front of the seller (and therefore, to some extent in front of himself) to look respectable. The buyer took an expensive thing, stroking his pride and wiping (as it seems to him) the nose of the seller.

There are not only single one-time manipulative actions, but also whole long manipulative games. I will give an example of a manipulative game from the practice of policemen and investigators. Now you will have to imagine yourself being detained at the police station. Here, one of the most effective ways to get a detainee to testify (or money for freedom) is to play the “good and evil cop”. First, the “evil” investigator talks to the detainee - speaking in a raised tone, he threatens and draws gloomy pictures of your further stay within the walls of law enforcement agencies. After you are pretty frightened, a “good” investigator intervenes in the case, who reproaches the “evil” for the intemperance, sympathizes with the detainee, and offers to solve the case in a good, kind way. Aggressive and friendly communication styles alternate several times until the detainee matures. What is the manipulative meaning of such a game? In the fact that you are led to the idea that it is better to accept the lesser of the evils, i.e. "good" policeman and make an alliance with him.

Such a manipulative game creates the feeling that you can get off with a little blood, agreeing with a good and polite policeman, until the evil and cruel one is activated again. As a result, the detainee gives evidence or pays off. What is required of him. By the way, one policeman can combine both of these roles - the meaning of the game remains the same.

The benefits of manipulation can be not only material, but also psychological: increased attention important people, the acquisition of higher authority and respect, etc.

For example, sparkling jokes about other people usually have just such a hidden meaning, hiding behind an external desire to simply amuse and entertain comrades. A person who makes jokes about others, as a rule, sees no other opportunity to gain credibility in the company and uses such a method that has been knurled for himself. The fact that in doing so he offends others, reduces their authority, he either does not realize or neglects this insignificant fact. Thus, jokes about other people are also manipulative.

It begs the question. How to evaluate the phenomenon of manipulation: with a plus sign or with a minus sign? Is this good or bad? Use it in life or eradicate? An answer begs. If I manipulate, it's good; if I'm manipulated, it's bad. Joke. In fact, manipulation is neither good nor bad. In general, this phenomenon is neutral. At its core, manipulation is a tool that can be used for various purposes.

Depending on which hands it is in. Just like a knife can serve as both a tool for surgical operations and a murder weapon. If you are faced with manipulation, then to assess a specific situation, I suggest relying on two criteria.

First. What is the motive and desired result of the author of the manipulation? If this is not only a benefit to yourself, but also a desire for good for you, then this deserves, if not a positive assessment, then at least indulgence. For example, parents often manipulate their children by hook or by crook forcing them to go to bed on time, do exercises, go to school, etc. They do this not only for themselves, but also for the benefit of their child in the future, which is not yet able to appreciate this concern.

Second. It happens that the hidden motive of manipulation is not particularly hidden. And then the application object of this manipulation has a true choice, not an imposed one. The American writer and psychotherapist E. Berne gives the following example of a game of flirting: Cowboy: Would you like to see the stable? Girl: Ah, I love stables since childhood! Though we are talking it seems that about the stables (and we would talk about the theater), both understand the inner meaning of the game. And the girl, choosing an excursion to the stable, guesses the content of this excursion. And since she has this understanding, and no one forced her to respond to flirting, it means that she consciously entered into this game, and, therefore, there is nothing bad here.

If you look closely, you and I live in a world of manipulations, and you should not be afraid of them, but you should be able to understand them well and turn knowledge about them to the benefit of yourself and other people. All this is also one of the halves of the game called "life" and this game can also be entertaining.

How can you neutralize the effect of manipulation, if your plans do not include "behaving" on it?

First. Understand, see, realize the hidden motive of communication in your partner. This is possible if you are attentive, have psychological experience and trust your intuition. By micro-movements of the eyes, minimal facial expressions, intonations of the voice, gestures and subtle movements of the body, a psychologically competent person can guess the presence of falsity in the actions and speech of a person. Simply put, whether he is lying or not. If you guess that maybe not everything is clean, then the next step is to understand what he really wants. To do this, put yourself in his place - what would you do, how would you behave, what ideas would you try to implement? The fact is that we are all very similar (no matter how much you want to believe in your own uniqueness) and what you come up with, most likely, he also came up with. "Scroll" possible options and insight can visit you. I won’t say that getting into the mind of another person is so easy, but life in general is not an easy thing.

Second. If manipulation presupposes the presence of an ulterior motive and this is its main weapon, then the neutralization of the weapon will be lighting, clarifying the ulterior motive in your communication. Figuratively speaking, "highlighting with a lantern" deprives the manipulation of its hidden meaning. What makes her a manipulation. For example, if a person in public directs his humor at you, ridicules you or your values, and you guessed in whose eyes he wants to rise, you can calmly say to him: "I understand that you really want to seem witty in the eyes of Marina - we already appreciated your humor, it's great, thank you."

When the meaning is revealed - there is nothing to cover, the game loses its continuation and meaning. However, if you have guessed the content of the manipulative game that is being played with you, it is not necessary to immediately stop it. Indeed, in this case you have trump cards in your hands: the opponent does not yet know that you have already guessed the hidden meaning. You can use this trump card as hockey players use the numerical advantage.

Consider a real situation from real life. Surely you have ever been approached on the street by people with a "gift" from the company. Very cheerful, starting with the words "Hello!", they solemnly announce that in honor of the 500th anniversary of their generous company, you are getting a beautiful set for free in this bag, along with the bag itself. And they give it to you! A few more seconds of optimism and charm, and now you are already beginning to believe in this miracle. But it turns out that in order for you to finally take ownership of all the rich contents of this bag, you need a mere trifle. Pay for just one thing from this wealth. There are some miserable (compared to the contents) several hundred rubles. For those who have not guessed - then, of course, it turns out that the cost of the goods is much lower than this "pathetic" amount. But it will be later!

So, one of my already learned life comrades did the following trick. At the words “You are getting this as a gift,” he accepted the bag, but did not stand, as it should be according to the script, breathing excitedly, but with the words “Thank you!” briskly headed into the crowd on the way to the subway. After a couple of seconds that it took the swindler to come to his senses, it was already too late to catch up with the happy owner of the gift from the company. The most interesting thing is that there is nothing to condemn him for - a gift, rich firms have their own quirks and it is inconvenient and even impolite to refuse a gift ... Keyword here - "hidden". In manipulation, the external meaning of words, appeals or actions in relation to another person does not coincide with the internal meaning. The external meaning of words, as a rule, is innocent, not containing any infringement of the needs of another person, but the internal meaning carries the content that leads this person to what the author of the manipulation wants from him. It turns out that the person being manipulated does what his communication partner needs, as if choosing it himself. In fact, he was gently led to this choice, and this choice of his is not free and unconscious.

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Trying to get other people to accept someone else's point of view is not an easy task. The stubborn unwillingness of many to even listen to someone else's opinion is so firmly based on self-righteousness that sometimes any attempts to convince another person fail completely.

Is it possible learn the art of influencing people And where does a beginner need to start? How to influence other people? Women's magazine answers these questions site.

How to influence other people: the secrets of success

Agree, when it comes to minor and unimportant things, it is stupid to waste your precious time, nerves and efforts on convincing your opponent. But sometimes a lot depends on the decision of another person (signing an important contract, making a deal on favorable terms, buying real estate, etc.).

These simple rules for successful communication are designed to help you hard work of persuasion. But, perhaps, having studied them, you will forever solve for yourself a tricky problem called: how to influence other people.

These the rules are very simple but it's the simplicity that makes them so effective.

Rules for influencing other people from the site

Rule one: Explain your point of view using direct facts directly relevant to the case. Use not only compelling evidence, but also friendly tone, language of the body, most suitable time and situation. Key Point: Provide complete information to support your opinion.

Rule Two: listen. A lot of new things can be learned about the subject of conversation just by listening to the interlocutor.

Allow me to ask you questions, answer them directly, in the same manner that you used to explain your point of view. Do not show condescension, do not reject other people's thoughts.

Listen to what the interlocutor thinks and how he thinks. Use the knowledge gained to the maximum to change the opinion of the interlocutor in your favor.

Rule three: sometimes only you can be the interested person. If the interlocutor is not at all interested in what you offer, he won't even listen to you. Therefore, it is important first interest him and only then "process".

Rule Four : hot assurances must be confirmed in a practical way.

If you can prove in practice that your point of view is better, then it will be easier for the interlocutor to make a decision in your favor. It is difficult to deny obvious facts and evidence.

Rule five: ask the other person to change their mind. Yes, a simple request sometimes works wonders. Perhaps the person is even does not understand what they want from him so tell him directly.

These 5 easy steps to help you influence other people's opinions without resorting to gross flattery, humiliation and importunity. Don't forget, being overly assertive often backfires. After all, the art of persuasion does not tolerate arrogance and requires thorough preparation.

And finally

The process of influencing other people can be easy and quick if you are sincere and friendly with the interlocutor. Use our simple rules influence other people and we will be your happiness in your successful and stylish life.

If you are imperfect, others will like you more. This paradox proves the psychological Pratfell Effect. When we want to impress someone, we inevitably bring out the best parts of our personality.

It turns out that it’s completely in vain: research shows that demonstrating our vulnerability and weakness, on the contrary, increases the level of empathy for us from other people. The more non-critical flaws you have, the better people will treat you.

How to influence people? The illusion of choice

If you want a person to do something, give them a false choice. The trick is this: just give the person two options to choose from. For example, if you need to go shopping or clean your room, just ask, “Do you want to vacuum or go to the store?”. In this case, the person feels like they have some control over the situation and are more likely to agree to your offer.

How to influence people? Ask for more

The theory is that if you ask for a small favor, people are more likely to agree to a larger request. In other words, ask for something big before asking for what you need. For example, you want a bike, then use this psychological trick and ask for a car.

Pauses in conversation help to influence people

If you need more information from someone, meaningful pauses can help. Such a psychological trick is often used by journalists in their interviews. They know from the psychology of influence that silence can be awkward in conversation, and people often try to fill it.

Psychological tricks that will allow you to influence people

Do not argue on the main issue

When you are trying to negotiate something and influence the decision, argue on a secondary issue. For example, if you need to make repairs, do not argue about whether the repair will be done or not, when it will be done, etc.

Move on to secondary questions: what kind of tile to buy or where is it better to choose wallpaper. In this case, the beginning of the repair will be taken for granted.

Use the passive voice in communication

Such a psychological trick will help you if you do not want to argue and conflict, but want to convey your thoughts to another and influence him. Instead of saying, "You didn't give me a report," try saying, "The report wasn't sent."

How to influence people? Call the person by name more often

In the course of a conversation, often calling a person by name, you automatically arouse the sympathy of the interlocutor. However, this psychological trick should not be abused, as excessive use of the name can cause suspicion and doubt about your sincerity.

Let others speak

Even if you are more savvy in a particular subject, let others teach you. Thanks to such a psychological trick, it will not be difficult for you to further influence a person in order to convince him of something, because they already trust you.

Paraphrasing helps to influence a person

In communication with him, paraphrase what your interlocutor said, and repeat it. The interlocutor will understand that they are really listening, and most importantly, they understand.

And here's another psychological trick: if you want your interlocutor to agree with you, don't forget to nod when asking a question. A nod is taken as a sign that everything you say is true. In addition, following the laws social behavior, people tend to nod in response.

Finally, before shaking hands, make sure your hands are well warmed. Warm hands are associated in people with friendliness and affability, while touching cold hand can cause resentment and resentment. Here is such an interesting psychological trick.

Among our environment there is a special category of people who have firmly established the status of influential people. You have probably noticed how respected and respected such people are. Their phrases are quoted, and requests are immediately fulfilled. But how to achieve such a result? How can we learn to influence people so that they change their decisions in our favor, respect our choice and be inspired by our actions? Let's try to understand this subtle issue.

Factors affecting human behavior

To become an authority among others, it is important to know about the existence of certain factors that affect a person. First of all, this is the perception of the surrounding reality and the way that a person has chosen to interact with it. This may be the acceptance of reality, its rejection or departure from it. How much a person disposes to his environment and what he does can be seen in his respect for others, passion for his work, willingness to help and sacrifice his own interests. In behavior, the position of a person becomes visible, i.e. constant internal attitude to people and various situations.

Consider some of the factors that influence a person:

1. Circle of friends. The environment may include various contacts and connections: emotional and official. This includes the circle of closest communication, which a person fully trusts, the circle of periodic communication, which includes official and business contacts, and the circle of episodic communication, which includes personal acquaintances and business partners.
2. The role of a person in a team. It is also an important factor in shaping his behavior. The role of a person is formed in connection with his psychological characteristics and the place he occupies in the management hierarchy. Depending on the role that a person has chosen for himself, one can predict his behavior and actions.
3. type of behavior. The choice of how you can influence people also depends on this factor. There are four types of behavior - independent, leadership-oriented, neutral and dependent. But, even having understood what type of behavior a person has chosen for himself, do not rush to draw conclusions about him, since his choice could well have been imposed by others or chosen due to circumstances. In any case, it is better to get to know the person better.

How to influence other people?

Experts say that it is quite simple to influence the human psyche. To do this, it is important to know some rules

communications, the implementation of which will make your personality invaluable to others.

Anyone can have an impact on a person's life. The main thing is that this does not happen out of malice. Train yourself with clear diction and a pleasant confident voice. Be open to people and be positive. And then soon you will be called an influential person.

When a person is interested in how to influence and manage people, many people forget about ethical aspects, freedom to exercise their own will, as well as possible consequences. Therefore, before proceeding to describe the various psychological features and methods of influence, I would like to note the negative aspects and issue warnings. So, if you constantly influence a person, inclining him to certain decisions, then not only his volitional function is frustrated, but also the core of the personality itself, which lives opposite to its convictions, is destroyed.

It makes sense to think about how to influence the human psyche with favorable consequences, contributing to its development or improvement of mood. The main influence is not the factual information presented to a person, but the emotions that arise in the process of interaction. Reaction does not happen by itself, there are a lot of factors and as a result, you can say extremely unpleasant things, causing sympathy for yourself. For influence, an intonational palette, verbal signals and certain anchors that exist in the psyche are used.

The information embedded in the subconscious has a strong influence - then the person will not only obey and fulfill the necessary instructions, but will independently build a well-coordinated line of behavior.

Psychology of influence on people

There are many tricks of psychological perception that help you figure out how to influence other people. There is even no need to use certain tricks and tricks, but you just need to remember the very features of the psyche and edit your behavior or the features of presenting information in time, and you can use random circumstances.

One of the most interesting points about the perception of others is that the presence of flaws and weaknesses that are not critical to social norms and morality make a person more pleasant to others. This allows you to relax yourself and stop striving to achieve perfection in everything - when a living person is nearby, you also want to be alive.

So, if you show fatigue at the end of the working day, you will cause more confidence in the team, and if you come in imperfectly ironed clothes or with paint stains, then there will be no doubt about the sincerity of your words.

Perfection causes tension and distance, and the presence of small flaws makes you closer to people. From a close and trusting distance, you can afford much more, and the information will not be subjected to harsh criticism.

The second point that allows you to achieve location is addressing by name. Given name- the sound that a person is used to hearing most often, responding at a behavioral and emotional level.

Addressing by last name, in turn, can make a person tense up - school lessons and comments are immediately recalled, as well as work meetings. The name is something sacred, and the more often you address a person in this way, the calmer and more trusting it will be next to you, which means that a lot of the information you say will immediately fall into the subconscious. However, you should not overdo it, because the frequent use of the name can cause a backlash of tension and distrust.

The construction of your requests can also be adjusted in relation to the characteristics of a person's perception. Try to avoid direct wording, use interrogative intonations instead. The best option is when you yourself give a person a choice of what to do, but at the same time limit him to those options that suit you personally. Those. when you need help with the garden and dry-cleaning, it's worth asking which of these items a person chooses to do. In this context, the opportunity to refuse is removed in advance, and the number of choices is reduced to the categories you need.

When it seems that a person will resist some kind of decision or influence, then it is worth discussing with him only secondary issues, without questioning what you need. In the case of a trip, you can argue about the timing, transport and amount of luggage, but not the fact of travel itself. This technique even works with children, distracting from the conflict moment - morning gatherings may include arguing about clothes and who carries the backpack, then the idea that there is an option not to go to school is excluded.

Another option on how to achieve what you want is to ask for a lot and inaccessible at once, and then lower the bar to the level necessary. A person who refused a big request may feel guilty, the desire to get rid of which is quite strong, so if you immediately offer him the opportunity to pay off with less, consent comes almost instantly.

People influence each other even in passivity, for example, a long pause makes a person talk more about the previous topic. The awkwardness of silence is hard to bear psychologically, and social norms require constant dialogue, so if you deliberately delay the pause, the interlocutor will be forced to fill it with something. For the topics of such fillings, the last discussed issue or the emotional experiences of the interlocutor is usually chosen.

In general, try to speak less, giving the other the opportunity to speak out, to indicate their position. Not only does everyone prefer to be listened to, but this is still not enough in our world, so a good listener is immediately imbued with trust, telling more and more. Even if you have more experience and more accurate knowledge on a particular issue, listen anyway - you will receive information regarding the person himself and his life concept, and timely questions will help turn the conversation in the right direction.

Such a feature allows establishing close contact that a person feels that he is being listened to, when what he said is paraphrased, the same information is returned, slightly changed in form, but not in meaning. Gradually, you can add your own ideas to the voice of the interlocutor's text (everything you add will be perceived as your own thoughts).

These are the main features of the human psyche, allowing more and more to succumb to influence: the maximum level of trust in the interlocutor and the manifestation of one's freedom. The more you master the art of inspiring trust and creating for a person the possibility of choice and the illusion of control of the situation, the more power you will gain not only over actions (which can be forced), but also over the motivational and emotional sphere (here all you need is inspiration).

Ways and methods of influencing people

There are certain techniques that allow you to influence the further attitudes or behavior of people, and they are described in the literature, discussed many times by psychologists and sociologists, but they still continue to operate. Even if a person has long been aware of the moments of special influence, he will still be subject to it, the only thing that can change is the degree and timely awareness of the manipulative impact, but the necessary feelings will have time to arise, and some actions may never reach the level of consciousness.

The classic of influence is the ability to make a friend out of an enemy with a request. When it is useless to negotiate, and it is pointless to measure strength, only positive methods of cooperation remain. Naturally, a direct offer can only cause alertness or aggression, so it is necessary to ask the person in the most neutral position for some service that is beneficial for you, but quite simple to perform for him. Borrow a pen, ask for an address, ask for help carrying a box to your office - small things like that, done with care, bring down the program of competition or dislike for you.

Choose words according to what the person thinks of themselves, even if it doesn't match your vision of the situation. At some points, this may resemble flattery, but if such speeches get to the very point of self-perception, then you may be the first person to evaluate the other in the way he always saw it. Since everyone strives to surround himself with like-minded people, then after an accurate description of the person himself, you can say whatever you like - this will also be perceived as the truth.

In order to get closer to trust, you can try to reflect not only the person's perception of the world, but also its physical manifestations. Copying posture, speech tempo, and voice volume are the foundations of Neuro-Linguistic Programming, which really works. The system is built on the fact that after appropriate copying of gestures and other manifestations of a person, you can begin to bring in your influences, and he will already repeat your movements and thoughts, as you did before on purpose.

This mechanism is built on high level feelings of self-worth, when others copy our behavior - at the animal level, the whole pack tries to adapt to the manifestations of the leader. So when influencing, you can use not only logical components, but also evolutionarily incorporated unconscious mechanisms. When communicating with a person, show your participation and understanding of what the person is talking about and your joint dialogue - nod, hoot, repeat last words and use other techniques to validate your Active participation in communication.

An important point is the choice of an emotional interlocutor when you make a request or offer. So, a tired person is unlikely to refuse, rather he will postpone the decision to another day - while the chances of a positive outcome increase. V good mood a person quickly agrees to simple and understandable requests, where he is not required to solve current moments and think about how best to act. Therefore, if you have a ready-made specific plan that requires only permission, then expect high spirits, but if you need to settle a few incomprehensible questions, then choose the afternoon when people are tired.

Try starting small - please read an article or walk with you to the nearest office, listen to a song or visit a free exhibition. Such actions leave the feeling that a person has already done something in the necessary direction, i.e. when you offer to attend a paid continuation of a free lecture, he will agree faster. The main thing in this step-by-step tightening approach is to pause, stretching each step for several days or weeks. Two principles work here at once - pauses, during which a person has time to think about what is happening, feel obliged, and also evaluate their own efforts already invested earlier. It is always easier to give up on something where one's own energy has not yet been directed than on a worthless process where at least time has been invested.

Look for what is beneficial for a person and start by positioning precisely his interests, since the main thing is personal motivation. When you can't find anything. What can be given to the interlocutor (emotions, titles, a sense of belonging or removal of guilt), then use two direct influences, which sometimes work where all influence techniques are powerless. The first is a polite request, captivating with its sincerity, openness and intelligence. Many, being subjected to frequent, appreciate open appeal more than ever. The second option for such honest treatment is monetary payment for the desired result. Such a business approach can resolve many conflicts and force even former competitors to cooperate.