Valeria Protasova

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Your image of the ideal, the most best man develops in every woman in childhood. Growing up, one girl sees her future half as a macho from the coast of Italy, the other - a Russian hero, the third - a sensitive knight, etc. But everyone wants her man to be self-confident, courageous and strong. Read. Of course, when it suddenly turns out that your half is a sissy, there is little joy. How to determine whether a man is a sissy, or is he just a caring son? And what if this is still the first option?

Who is a sissy?

How to determine if a man is a sissy or just a good son

Unlike just caring sons, sissy always put mom on a "pedestal", idealizing her in every sense and maintaining complete dependence on her.

What to do if, by all indications, your man is a sissy?

What to do if a man is a sissy?

• If you decide to connect your life with this person, get ready for the fact that you are obliged to become the best replacement for the golden hands of his mother. Read also:.
• Tell him about the "three pillars" of your family happiness: that is, he must respect you, not put mother's principles above your family, not interfere with her in your life.
• Explain your position in advance you need a real man, and not a muslin young lady.
• Try to solve all the problems and issues in the family "in hot pursuit" before he turns to his mother for help.
• Limit his communication with his mother to the maximum. As far as it's possible. Not a requirement, but a circumstance. Leave to travel more often by turning off mobile phones. Move to live “closer to the sea”, because “the climate is better there, and your health is poor”, etc.
• If you have children - leave him alone with the children more often. Let them learn to look after them on their own.

If you cannot change the situation and are not able to come to terms with it, then there is no point in tormenting yourself and hoping that the man will grow up, or the mother-in-law will fall behind you. Pack your things and leave. If you really borrow important place in his life, he will do everything to get you back and fix the situation .

Valeria Protasova

Psychologist with experience practical work in social psychology-pedagogy for more than three years. Psychology is my life, my work, my hobby and way of life. I write what I know. I believe that human relationships are important in all spheres of our life.

Every woman is familiar with this type of men. He is adored by his mother, but at the same time is under her strict control, despite the fact that he has long acquired his own family. She will strive to lead him through life until the end of her days and believe that her beloved child was created only for her. Spouses have a hard time with such husbands. But it is worth remembering that such “sons” can be practical about things and their duties. Even if they go to the grocery store, they will discuss the list of goods with mommy on the way through the phone. What to do? Does an alliance with a sissy have a future? Or does it make sense to stay away from men who are treated kindly by moms?

Good boy

Women are surrounded different men. Among them there are both individuals with a predatory character, and courageous types. There is also a separate species - these are complaisant, soft and at the same time a little infantile personality. Often, it is sissies that have this disposition. A woman for whom loneliness has become a real scourge is ready to share her fate with at least someone, and certainly not against infantile natures controlled by her mother. Of course, if you make a choice between predators, then the type we describe is a profitable option. But what should the lady prepare for, will she be able to “reprogram” the character of her beloved in her own way and tear her away from her mother’s “tits”? We will understand this issue in detail and learn how to tame a domestic lion. But first, let's learn how to distinguish him from the general crowd of applicants to your heart.

How to recognize a sissy

Let's start with the signs that give out this type even in front of completely inexperienced ladies.

1. These guys live under the same roof with their mother for a very long time. Unlike others, they do not seek to own their own house or even rent a separate room. They are satisfied with the fact that mommy meets with hot and favorite food since childhood, but at the same time she does not hesitate to interfere in the affairs of an adult man. But for her son, this is a very convenient option. It's okay that he doesn't have the secrets that every adult should have. Everything that hurts during the day will be laid out in front of mommy.
2. You have a date, a conversation has just begun to “string up”, points of contact have been discovered, that very feeling arises, which is the forerunner of a serious relationship. But no - the phone rings and on the other end of the connection there is a person who simply cannot do without a compassionate and caring son. If a man, without hesitation, leaves you alone and rushes home, you have a bright sissy in front of you.
3. During the conversation, he often mentions his mother. At first, such dialogue may even seem cute. Well, of course, any woman would like to be in front of her child in the same authority in the future. But after a while, she realizes that the whole conversation is a continuous “my mother”. There is a feeling that not three people take part in communication - you, he and mother, but two - mother and son. And you, so, are a free listener, from whom you only need admiration for dishes unknown to you, the purity and talents of the mother of your interlocutor.
4. A man dependent on his mother is always sure that some woman wants to get him as a husband and manage him. And at the first attempt to take an interest in his plans or find out if he can meet you from work in a couple of days, he will immediately start thinking about escaping. And believe me, at the first good moment, he will go on the run. Why this happens is simple. There is already a female individual who has long suppressed him with her authority and filled his entire personal space with her presence. And there is no place for another lady here, everything is occupied. Psychologists even came up with a special term - sons "married" to their mother
5. Pay attention to the behavior of your chosen one with his mother. You should not assume that sissies are always ready to “spread out” in front of their parent and please her in everything. A good boy periodically “explodes” and makes scandals that completely independent individuals are rarely capable of. And the reason for their behavior is easily explained. Constant servility, silence, the desire not to upset mommy - this is stress that accumulates over a long time. And the spring, as we know, can jump off at constant pressure. And the desire to quarrel is nothing more than an attempt to relieve tension. Often such conflicts end in serious discord. It may even come to the point that a man leaves home, makes an attempt to start living independently. But a couple of days pass and everything returns to normal. Why:

• I want to return the former comfort and well-established way of life;
• sorry to leave mommy alone;
• financial problems and the lack of their own separate housing.

These moments do not allow a man to decide on his future. He continually postpones the issue of marriage and it may turn out that he marries at a late date. And then, after the death of his mother, since he needs a guiding female hand and comfort.

How to identify a good boy

Now let's move on to the study of the psychological portrait of the "sons". We hope that the data verified by psychologists will help you make your choice.

1. Mama's son is the true master. He always maintains prosperity, zealously defends his territory and takes care. Such a man runs a household no worse than an experienced hostess. He perfectly selects products, and he skillfully bargains and, as a rule, they are well inferior to him. He also knows what is needed at one time or another, perfectly considers the home budget. The practicality of such men sometimes delights experienced ladies. But there is one But: a diligent owner cannot do without praise from outside for a long time. After all, his mother always paid attention to his efforts and, at every opportunity, set him as an example.
2. Remember once and for all - mother's sons - this is down to "fingerprints". They are courteous, well-mannered, and will not allow themselves a rude attitude towards a lady. Their mother cooked for herself, in order to feel only care, love and attention from her own child in her old age. She instilled in him from childhood only family values ​​​​and inspired that there is nothing more expensive than a home and family well-being, harmony in relationships and stability.
3. No matter how hard the son tries to openly show his independence to outsiders and express dissatisfaction on certain issues, in fact he treats his mother very respectfully.

By the way, the words “married” to my mother that we mentioned earlier are not an empty phrase. On the psychological level indeed, they most often fulfill the role of the mother's husband. The son for her is the second half, and he, in turn, is afraid of only one thing - to offend his mother, to become a bad person in her eyes.

Who is she - mother of a sissy

Let's remember - what is the most common family environment for a "good boy". Most likely, this is an incomplete family in which there is no strong hand, the head of the family. This role has long been taken over by my mother, a single woman who has no personal life and relationships. Perhaps she once tried to improve her fate, to have a couple, but at first it didn’t work out. But with the growing up of her son, she completely plunged into his life and sacrificed her interests to his future. Such ladies are often not married, but if there is a soul mate, then this is most likely a kind of family owner, a silent, undeciding creature. The complete lack of authority of the husband entails the same disrespectful attitude of the son towards the father. By the way, this is another reason not to want to bind yourself with the bonds of Hymen. Who wants to eventually turn into living furniture with a domineering wife and her son.

1. Not having a close connection with her husband, a woman brings up her “beloved” according to her patterns. The boy grows up the way she would like to see her husband in her younger years.
2. Such a mother has practically no girlfriends. If there are friends, then she rarely meets with them and every now and then looks at her watch. Just about, my son should come from school, return from the institute, from work.
3. And you should not believe her words that she wants only happiness for her child and is ready to meet with open arms the one that will give her son love and family harmony. In her heart, she is not ready to give the child into “foreign” hands in a few decades. One has only to approach an object that can “encroach” on her beloved child, as it will immediately arm itself best weapon- by cunning and will start a war with the "irritant" of calmness.

So what can a loving mommy do:

1. Get sick. To attract attention and arouse pity from her son, she may feign illness. Moreover, it may even turn out that she herself believes in her own malaise.
2. Get into a bad story. He owes the bank, will create a conflict situation with distant relatives or girlfriends, neighbors. And in such cases, as you know, you need support from a loved one.
3. He will begin to collect gossip, contact friends of his son's passion and fish out strange stories. Unnoticed, the object of the son's passion may appear a trail of admirers, intrigues and impartial love affairs. You should not immediately believe this, and a woman should stop the attempts of a selfish mother to discredit her reputation.
4. Another way, very common, is to switch the son's attention to another woman. If things are already going to the fact that a man "breaks" off the mother's hook, you yourself need to choose a half for him, moreover, that meets the requirements only of the mother. This is how the niece of a girlfriend or neighbor “from below” arises, brought up in Spartan conditions. She sews and cross-stitches, and cooks better than the famous French chef. And her character - she won’t say a word, she’s quiet, she won’t say too much. In short, mom is looking for a silent and uncomplaining creature. Creating such a tandem of a son and a quiet daughter-in-law, she will certainly insist that the children live with her. So, she receives in her power not only a son, but also a submissive daughter. And nothing in the house will happen without her control.

All of the above characterizes an unfortunate and very lonely type of women, in whom maternal selfishness will prevail over prudence.

Psychologists often compare such ladies with the Snow Queen, who had power over the unfortunate but very beloved Kai. She will create excellent conditions for him, her offspring will look the best, eat delicious food and walk only in clean clothes. But this is just an illusion of happiness. For sane mothers, the happiness of a child lies in his happy marriage, official and family solvency.

Why do sissy start a family

It is not surprising that any woman, having studied the character of a "good boy", will ask such a question. He has everything he needs. There will be a desire for an intimate plan - you can visit a friend for whom the issue of marriage is not acute. Then why does he need a wife? There are several important reasons:

1. Offspring. Even an overbearing mother dreams of grandchildren, to whom she also needs to spread her temper. During the period of bearing the baby, the daughter-in-law will be provided with all the best, including a bunch of "urgent" recommendations from the mother-in-law. But as soon as the baby is born, the daughter-in-law will be set aside as unnecessary. And it is unlikely that a young mother will have the right to insert her voice in the course of raising a child.
2. Public opinion. Even domineering mothers are unpleasant to constantly hear from the outside - Why is your son not getting married? Is there something wrong with him? Does he have a different orientation? Is he hiding something? Even more indignant about this son. Who wants to be known as not quite an adequate person. Therefore, the issue of marriage is a cornerstone in order to reduce the intensity of public outcry.

As you can see, that in the first, that in the second case, everything looks mercantile. Is there any point in such a marriage? Most psychologists believe that this is a road to nowhere. Over time, everything will collapse, and, sadly, children can be injured. But it was not there. As they say, there are no hopeless situations. So let's find out how to cope in such a marriage and strengthen the union.

What to expect from marriage with a sissy

Decided to marry such a guy - get ready for serious trials. Marriage with such a "good boy" touches only before the wedding, and then not for long. Don't expect from the start family life the spouse will begin to assist in everything, consult, jointly solve problems. Believe me, if any conversation arises, then this is an insignificant fraction of what he has already managed to discuss with his mother. And to be honest, the decision has already been made by a compassionate and domineering mother. We list the moments that most often bring confusion into married life, and all through the fault of the mother-in-law. You should prepare for them, but as they say, “Forewarned is forearmed!”

1. He will always end up at his mother's house. She will find reasons to lure her son and will not let him spend time next to his beloved woman in his free time. This is the very rivalry for the love of the main man. At the same time, reproaches will sound more often towards the daughter-in-law. She cooks badly, is a slob, pays little attention to her husband, etc. etc. Prepare for the fact that no matter what you do, there will be no open approval.
2. As for the husband, at first he will only be on the side of his mother. Of course, he understands that he is behaving ugly towards his wife. But it is better for him to make a deal with his conscience than to argue with his mother. After all, over the years she has earned a reputation as a true defender of his interests. It is rare that a daughter-in-law dares to go against such a powerful tandem, because the hour is not even when they pounce, joining forces and “crushing” with a long-term union.
3. It may happen that at some point the son gets excited and bursts into crying to his wife about the inappropriate behavior of the mother. In her hearts, the woman will forgive him and decide that the issue with the dictatorial mother-in-law has been resolved. It wasn't here. Mark the days - a maximum of a couple of weeks, a loving son will already be visiting mommy and eating his favorite mashed potatoes with meatballs and drinking tea with the best cake. From that moment on, their relationship is even stronger, and the daughter-in-law will watch with tears the newly created strong union.

How to start a family with a sissy

It is impossible not to appreciate the resilience of women seeking to create a harmonious and strong family. They are ready for a lot, just not to miss their happiness and change their side too caring and loving son. So, what steps do psychologists suggest:

1. Be self-sufficient. An established woman who can adequately provide for her life is already out of competition. She will not, like a lamb at the slaughter, be silent and endure all the troubles. In an instant, he will put everyone in their place and at any moment can leave such an alliance. And that the husband is a normal (meaning mentally) man will never agree to lose family happiness because of a capricious mother and will show his character.
2. Also, a wealthy lady can, without the help of a parent, satisfy the desires of her husband, help the same mother-in-law financially. And the moral firmness of the daughter-in-law that took place will not allow a relative to “take on” a lot. It is for this reason that psychologists note the profitability of marriages of sissies with ladies much older than them.
3. It is not necessary immediately after the wedding to lay on the spouse all the responsibility for the family. A sudden burden can become an unbearable burden and cause a nervous breakdown, his desire to run back under his mother's wing. Remember - in front of you is a big child who has always had the status of the main person in the family. Start to tame his obstinate temper, but slowly. Step by step, he will begin to get used to the life of a normal married couple.
4. Don't go overboard with your responsibilities. Mommy's boys don't know what it's like to pay bills, fill out receipts, look up information, and so on. If you decide to do everything on your own without the participation of an active relative, do not give her a chance to participate in your affairs. First, do it yourself, and along the way, and for a long period of time, teach your spouse to do it too. If you want to achieve everything at once, he will immediately run to his mother for help and understand that he can’t go anywhere without her. And this is a wake-up call! A man loves when everything is done for him.
5. It is necessary, no matter how difficult it may be, . Believe me, this is the main key to creating and maintaining a happy family. Yes, it will be difficult, you will have to agree with what is not nice, and maybe unpleasant. You need to know the basis of the game - the mother-in-law will pull her son towards her with the golden motto “Mom is sacred!”. You can't change it, and you don't need to. Make an ally out of your rival, indulge her words, agree. After all, acting and the ability to manipulate will allow you to save relationships, keep you close to your loved one.
6. Mother's sons are individuals who love to have all the attention focused on them. And it doesn’t matter to whom the spouse devotes her time, even to children. Of course, not a single normal mother will want to listen to her husband, and not her beloved offspring. Psychologists advise finding a middle ground. And even better, spend all your free time together: husband, wife and children.
7. Night cuckoo. Well, here the ball is really on the side of the wife. No mother can cuckoo the night cuckoo. Of course, you should not abuse it, because the cuckoo can be replaced. Everything should be done harmoniously, carefully, so as not to scare away the sweetheart forever. But do not look for reasons to refuse intimacy, this is the very thread that will connect you with your loved one during the daytime. Let him wait for the night, let him dream about you, so there will be less and less desire to kill sweet thoughts with a visit to a strict mom.

So we gave some important tips about how to tame a sissy and win him over to your side. A wise and responsible woman, for whom marriage is an important step, and for life, must be patient and act. If you calmly follow the advice of experts, then you can change not only your spouse, but also the attitude of your mother-in-law. As for the hopeless mother's son, it may not make sense to change his strong connection with the parent. Thus, she will be able to dull her mother's perseverance and, at moments of relaxation of her mother-in-law, lure her husband under her wing.

Being a loving mother is the destiny of women. But overprotection very often leads to the fact that a little boy never becomes a reliable and adult man. It is difficult for him to build relationships with the opposite sex, because women are afraid of such guys.

As a rule, girls notice that their chosen one is under their mother's "cap" as soon as they start a relationship with a man. She constantly calls him, controls every step, interrogates what he ate for breakfast and what time he went to bed. Mom bombards him with requests, gives instructions and does not even ask if he has free time.

The main indicator is the reaction of the man. If he is ready to put aside all his plans and rush across the city to his mother in order to change her settings on her phone or fulfill another trifling request, then it is worth considering. Before you is the classic "sissy".

Such a man is distinguished by irresponsibility, inability to make decisions. This is not surprising, because his mother has always controlled him. In domestic terms, he is absolutely helpless, but in his career he can achieve success.

"Mama's sons" often get married quite late. The prospects for marriage are minimal, because the mother will “open her eyes” to her child for her wife - she does not care for him well, does not protect and does not appreciate. Whether it's a mother's business - she will give everything so that her son is happy.

Such a man regularly tells his wife about his mother. He knows what she thinks about this or that situation, constantly worries so as not to upset her. A dangerous symptom is when your chosen one passes everything on to mom. As a rule, she then shows her daughter-in-law her “competence” by adding a few caustic remarks.

Dependent men often live with their mother. They do not know how to take care of themselves and do not want to take responsibility. Even if the "boy" began to live separately, then his mother is most likely a frequent visitor to his apartment.

Another feature - they do not like scandals. Not because they are peaceful, they simply do not know how to stand up for themselves. The problem is that the mother did not want to bring up a personality in her son - it was not profitable for her. It is convenient for her to manage the child without her own opinion.

What will bring such a relationship with a man?

Women should not console themselves with the hope that her chosen one will change and your relationship will improve. It is important to understand that a potential mother-in-law will invisibly always be there. She will tell you where to rest, how to spend money and when to go to bed. She will once again have an impact on her son, and he will habitually listen to her, even if with the chosen one serious relationship.

The psychology of the "sissy" is such that his wife will never be ideal for him. You need to come to terms with the fact that you will always cook, wash, clean worse than his mother. If you see dignity in your chosen one and are ready to fight for it, then the recommendations and advice of doctors in the field of psychology will be useful to you.

It is very difficult to build a relationship with an immature man. It is practically impossible to re-educate a person and change the scheme that he perceives as the only correct one.

Unfortunately, sometimes women realize that their chosen one is under the influence of their mother only after the wedding. In this case, you have three options: accept, fight, or leave.

Leaving everything as it is is the worst option. You will never be able to live in peace, because the mother-in-law will always “penetrate” the relationship. She perceives you as a competitor, so by any means she will influence her son, directing him to where it is beneficial for her. In any conflict, the spouse will support the mother - a woman who is aware of her value is unlikely to be able to come to terms with this.

Marriage can have a favorable outcome if the woman is accomplished and self-sufficient. She is able to take care of herself and does not pay attention to all the features of her husband. The ideal option is when the wife is older. She indulges all the whims of her husband, and for him this situation is quite familiar, he is comfortable in the state of a “boy”.

It is advisable to give birth to a child from such a man only if you yourself can provide it. "Mama's boy" will not be able to take responsibility and his participation in education will be minimal.

In addition, other "pitfalls" have relationships with a man. When the wife devotes all her free time to children, the “boy” will be offended that he is not given enough attention. If you ignore the claims, then the "boy" will go to his mother for support or find a new "nanny".

If you decide to build a serious relationship, first of all, you should make friends with your mother-in-law. It may seem impossible, but you have no other choice. Relations with the "boy" will be promising only when mom allows him to be with you.

Never forbid a husband to communicate with his mother. You should not show dissatisfaction with her words, deeds and moralizing. Always praise your mother-in-law, show that she is an authority for you.

If your husband's mother gave you valuable instructions on any issue, and nothing good came of it, then notice with bewilderment that you acted on her prompt. Be a bit of an actress - the game will help you smooth out the rough edges and maintain a serious relationship.

Your task is to convince the mother-in-law that you are her ally. Then it will allow you to make some decisions on your own. But you must understand that your husband will never become the head of the family - he will live with an eye on you. If you want to continue the relationship, then get ready for the fact that you will “pull” them.

To get your way in a relationship with a man who is under the "hood" of his mother, you need to act gently and diplomatically. When the "boy" does not want to take responsibility, you must create conditions so that he has to do this. Give him receipts for public Utilities, ask to pick up your coat from the dry-cleaner, delegate him the authority to make purchases of products - he will gradually socialize.

To make the relationship with a man promising, immediately prioritize and stipulate the conditions living together. Your chosen one must understand that he will not be able to lie on the couch while you earn money, cook his favorite foods and wash shirts. If you allow him to enjoy the merits and benefits that you create, then soon the husband will become your "son".

If you manage to convey to your spouse that he is no longer a little boy, then he will try to make decisions on his own and grow up. Perhaps he will like his new state, and he will learn to live without psychological pressure from his mother and be able to build a serious relationship.

Have you heard of such a category of men as " sissy"? Many have heard about him, but not all women know who they are and how they differ from other men. If you are still looking for the right match for your husband, or you have a young son, learn how to recognize a sissy and not turn your child into one!

How to recognize a sissy?

Many girls often hear advice from older friends: Never associate life with this type of men who are attached to their mother". That is how briefly you can characterize a sissy.

At their core, these are young people in whom a psychological separation from their mother did not occur during adolescence. Without this very dear person, such men, regardless of their age, cannot exist.

It is very difficult to build a relationship with a man belonging to this type, not every woman will even be able to stay in his society for a long time. When a husband is a sissy, there can be no question of a happy marriage. In order not to spoil your life, find out how to recognize this type of men in time!

Such signs of a sissy will help you recognize him at the dawn of a relationship:

Starting a new relationship, take a close look at your young man if he has signs of excessive care from his mother.

Looking for a way out

Among mature men, it is very easy to recognize this type of upbringing, when the mother plays a decisive role in the family.

But girls who decide to connect fate with their peers who are just over 20 years old, it is quite difficult to expose such a young man.

Many people manage to learn about this already during their life together. What to do if your husband is a sissy?

The problem of such guys is their emotional and psychological immaturity, according to psychologists, it is almost impossible to re-educate them. The fact is that their psychology is like this: they remain small children for the rest of their lives, in need of someone's care. When you get married and find that your husband is a sissy, the advice of a psychologist can help make him a real man.

1. Persistently accustom your husband to independence. Let this process go slowly, but show your purposefulness to the end. Give him the simplest instructions - let him take out the trash, buy food, pick up the child from kindergarten;
2. Praise your husband whenever possible. Praise is considered a good incentive for further achievements, your admiration for your loved one will give him self-confidence;
3. Do your best to be friends with his mom. Unfortunately, friendship between a daughter-in-law and a mother-in-law is not always possible, but you try to show this woman that you care about her son, let her be sure: her "boy" got into good hands. Another way to win the sympathy of the mother-in-law is to show her that you admire her as a hostess and do not even intend to compete with her. Seeing her superiority over you, this woman is unlikely to want to enter into conflict with you.

Such simple advice, with a strong desire, can help a woman raise a real man from her husband. However, this will take quite a long time.

Everything is much simpler if the man himself is interested in how to stop being a sissy.

You should know that many women like to be wives of sissies, the role of mother in marriage can be chosen by those individuals who want to lead their husbands everywhere and always.

How to raise a real man

If you are terribly afraid that an insecure man may grow out of your child, tied to your skirt, seek the help of a psychologist. The specialist will point you to typical mistakes mothers in raising boys and help to avoid them.

Psychologists say that most often such dependent and indecisive men grow up in a family where there are no other children besides them, and it is the mother who decides all the important issues. As a result of maternal overprotection, such boys develop self-doubt and an inability to make decisions on their own.

If you are wondering how not to raise a sissy from your child, teach him to be independent from childhood. Let the boy know that he and his mother are two different people.