A person goes through many periods in his life, which differ from each other in the tasks that he must perform. V early childhood he learns the world, in adolescence he learns to perceive himself as a person, to communicate with the opposite sex, in his youth he acquires professional knowledge and skills, enters into family relationships, in old age he rethinks the path he has traveled.

And such periods most often end with turning points, which in psychology are usually called "crises". One of these in Lately began to allocate a crisis of 25 years or "a quarter of a life" (meaning the conditional duration of a person's life as 100 years).

What is unusual is that such a phenomenon was revealed not thanks to the research of psychologists, but because of the spread of common signs of a crisis among young people - depression, lack of desire to do something, a feeling of hopelessness. The age of the crisis, of course, is conditional - it may occur earlier, it may later, or it may go unnoticed by a person. But if such a period has overtaken, then it is worth understanding its causes and ways to overcome it.

Researcher O. Robinson from the University of Greenwich defines a crisis as an experience of several phases:

1. Feeling hopeless, driven into a dead corner, joyless existence, unrealized in work or relationships (or in both areas).

2. Gradual realization that everything can be changed. A person begins to look for opportunities to apply his skills, tries to find his own way.

3. Period of qualitative changes. A person begins to isolate what is necessary in life and get rid of "ballasts" - that which pulls back or upsets.

4.Creating new habits, reinforcing a new way of doing things.

There are several reasons for the crisis of 25 years:

1. Success = wealth. Mass information cultivates such a stereotype in the mind of a young person - the higher the material wealth of a person, the more successful he is in life, the higher his significance and value. Such an equation can lead to complexes in those people who could not achieve great material success by the age of 30-35.

2. Pressure of parents and infantilism of young people. These are interrelated processes. On the one hand, parents know what is best and try to guide their child on their usual path, on the other hand, they continue to financially support the young man. The latter, in turn, simply loses the need to look for work and develop in this area.

3. Comparison of achievements. Here again, the information space plays an important role. Boys and girls can see on the Internet how the other lives - what he has wealth how successful in relationships, what kind of vacation he can afford, how he eats, and so on. Subconsciously or consciously, the process of comparing oneself with this person begins, cultivating an inferiority complex, self-doubt in case one's achievements are inferior.

4. Inconsistency between reality and expectations. Many young people make plans for themselves about their future life - girls usually dream of starting a family before the age of 25, having their first child before 30, guys - about success in their careers, that the chosen profession will bring both pleasure and big money. Is it worth talking about the state of a person when reality turns out to be different? When work actually turns out to be a boring, unpromising routine, and all classmates get married, except for this very girl.

As you can see, a young man who graduated from a university often finds himself at a crossroads - what to do next? And the question “who to be” with a diploma in hand does not seem so strange anymore. After all, the period of existence of the USSR, when the future life was understandable - distribution to a place of work after training, has long passed.

Today's realities often make a person think again about which path to choose. This is where the crisis begins. Someone can abruptly change jobs or end a long relationship, someone, tormented in the soul and tormenting himself with thoughts of his own worthlessness, someone rushes into everything at once in order to quickly “find himself”.

Whatever the experience of this difficult period, it is worth reminding yourself that the way out of it is always positive and brings something new into life.

And to experience it less painfully, you can follow the following recommendations:

1. Forget about what a person "should" at this age - what to have, what to be, what to strive for. Each person is unique, and, thanks to this, his destiny is also unique.

2. Pause and try to understand how you want to live. Perhaps it is worth changing the field of activity, taking care of appearance, remembering what pleased you in the past, and doing it. The main thing is to exhale and try to really look around.

3. Talk about yourself. Closing in on yourself is the worst option in this situation. This problem is not unique, it can be discussed with peers. There are people who have already experienced this, which you can talk about with those who are over 30 and get advice or support.

4. Do not go to extremes. It is worth minimizing communication with unpleasant people in order to avoid quarrels, try not to spend money on rash purchases and so on.

5. Everything is gradual. It is worth taking a realistic look at life and stop demanding everything from yourself at once. Here it is important to delve into the solution of any one problem, or plan your actions in order to move towards the goal in gradual but confident steps.

Perhaps most important for this stage is the constant reminder to yourself that the crisis cannot last forever. It ends and brings changes - those that were needed initially. Patience and optimism can help you get through this period of uncertainty.

For some reason, it is generally accepted that the most severe psychological crises of the fair sex are experienced in adolescence and during menopause. Recently, the topic of PMS has been often exploited. But in fact, everything is a little more complicated. Even the same premenstrual syndrome should be considered not so much a fault as a misfortune for a woman. And in addition to these hormonal disruptions, the beautiful half have many more reasons to experience not the best psychological states. After all, a critical view of one's own life is inherent not only to middle-aged men, and not only representatives of the stronger sex are trying to somehow realize themselves. Women do this too: some are more successful, some are less successful. And for some people, their whole life seems to be flying downhill. And it's time to realize it...

What is midlife crisis in women

Usually this concept includes depression, a feeling of despair and other negative emotional states associated with a reassessment of life values ​​and a critical look at the past years. A woman may feel the loss of the meaning of life.

At what age can it appear?

Many crises of this kind are often associated with the restructuring of the psyche, which is why adolescence is often mentioned. In fact, a person goes through several such crises from birth. The first of them is just a three-year-old age, when the child begins to feel like a person. Specialists gave the second child six or seven years, by the way, at the same time girls go to school. 14-15 years is another critical moment when the child begins to become an adult. In girls, this personality development usually proceeds more acutely than in boys. But when it comes to a midlife crisis, no one can give clear age estimates, because everything is individual here. She graduated from high school and went to work - a crisis can happen. She got married and gave birth to her first child - and here you can encounter a depressive state. But even these periods cannot be attributed specifically to middle age, because it comes later. For example, graduation from higher education educational institutions- This is usually 22-25 years. Now they are trying to delay the birth of children up to 30 years, but still, it is far from the conditional “equator” of life. A person is psychologically programmed to live 90-100 years, no matter what fate is prepared for him. Therefore, it is most correct to call a midlife crisis in a woman the period after 40 years. If we start from the statistics, according to which average duration life of women is about 75 years, then we can add here the crises that occur at the age of 30-35 years. At the same time, one cannot ignore the category of girls and women who had to deal with postpartum depression, unemployment after receiving education, the creation of not the most successful family union, and other reasons that can upset the psyche for a long time, lead to complete apathy or despair.

How long can it last

The state of crisis is difficult to compare with a cold: there, for a maximum of two weeks, I was ill, and again like a cucumber! Psychological crises are a long process, from which you can get out even after a few years. That is why there is always the fear of lingering forever in this state. On average, a woman can experience disappointment in her own life for 2.5 years. And often there are few understanding people who can get you out of this situation. Rather, they will condemn, say that you are an adult, but you behave like an offended child. And for this considerable period, you can not only lose friends, but also lose a loved one. You can just stop understanding each other. And if the partner at this particular time does not understand that you, more than ever, need moral support, then he has a good chance of being thrown out of your life forever. And this is not always a divorce, often a husband and wife continue to coexist in the same living space, but their relationship becomes colorless, and they themselves become strangers to each other. And this is one of characteristic features midlife crisis.

The main signs of a midlife crisis in women

How to understand if the age crisis has sneaked up on you? There are several characteristic signs of this condition:

it began to seem to you that reality in life does not meet your expectations too much; mood becomes clearly changeable; tension arises in relations with people around you; you want to abruptly leave for a village (another city, country) and quit your job; it seems that everything that done around, just lost its meaning.

In other words, a woman seems to be losing her foothold, she would be glad to change her life, but she can no longer say exactly what she wants, and already desperately does not believe in anything good. There is only one feeling left with her: life has come to a standstill. But if you can get out of the usual dead end - spatial - by going back, then rewinding time back and returning to your previous years will no longer work. Getting out seems unrealistic, because you realize that starting all over again is already too late. But then what to do? Soberly assess the situation and correlate it with your capabilities and age. Often a woman has to “pull herself out of the swamp by her hair”, because it is impossible to hope for outside help: it is difficult to find a person who would mess with you day after day until your condition improves.

The most common symptoms of an age crisis in women

So let's start fighting. First, let's get to know the enemy. Who is he? This is not a husband who seems to be a fool and a fool, or, on the contrary, a tyrant and a despot. These are not stupid subordinates, and not a tyrant boss. This is not a university teacher - a pompous turkey with degree, who has one thing in mind - to look under the skirt of the students. The enemy is wrong emotional condition, because of which you begin to perceive everything with hostility. And myself, above all. How does it happen in different ages?

Manifestations of the crisis in 20–25 years

Agree, if you are happy with everything, then you will not be annoyed by some kind of womanizer teacher or a scandalous boss who, after stomping his feet and giving free rein to his voice, will still add a salary. You come home from school and from work, and it is on this place that you have staked in your life. Yes, you will finish your studies sooner or later, and it is easy to change jobs when you are young. The family, on the other hand, is a more serious level, and if you recently got married, then this is where dangers may lie in wait for you:

dissatisfaction with their choice: the husband did not live up to expectations; conflicts with the older generation, rejection of the son-in-law by the mother-in-law, and you by the mother-in-law; inability to get pregnant if you want to have a child; unwanted pregnancy by the husband and, as a result, the requirement to have an abortion; difficult childbirth and subsequent depression.

All this leads to a psychological crisis, which is expressed in apathy and a tendency to introspection. In religion, this state is called despondency and is considered a sin. You can ask the priest for ways out, but not every church minister will find something to advise. Psychiatrists call it depression and treat it with pills. But “loading” yourself with drugs and getting hooked on them is also not an option. At this age, you need to overpower yourself and begin to act on your own.

Symptoms of the crisis 30–35 years

At this age, those women who did not have time to fulfill their tasks are often subject to a crisis. For example, they were so carried away by a career that they did not have time to give birth to a baby. But it's not too late! However, because of this, you can lose positions at work. It is this duality that leads to emotional breakdowns. Another option is that they managed to get married and give birth to children. And if the child is not alone, then somehow it didn’t work out with a career. Not only more successful friends can add fuel to the fire, but also your own spouse, who will say that he has nothing to talk about with you. He is a top manager in good standing, and diaper pots, bibs and diapers do not interest him. And these treacherous speeches from the dearest man, who should be your support!

Midlife crisis at 40-45 years old

This period can be attributed to the middle age. And the crisis in these years is aggravated by not the best state of health of a woman, because menopause comes. Hormonal restructuring, alas, cannot but affect the emotional sphere of a person. In addition, many show signs of old age. Someone can't stop the set excess weight, someone at the mirror for a long time examines the wrinkles on the face or gray hair. And someone already believes that no cosmetics will help, and plastic surgery is too expensive. So the crisis of this age can be characterized as a fear of losing youth, childbearing ability and as an awareness of the impossibility of changing something in your life. This can be mixed with fear of loneliness, because many women grow up children and go into independent life. The husband may by this time simply leave the family or start a relationship on the side. It is also very easy to lose a job today, and colleagues will remember you less and less.

Is it possible to overcome a midlife crisis without outside help?

Of course, it would not be bad to enlist the support of an experienced psychoanalyst, but not every woman can afford it. But there is always the opportunity to cover yourself with literature of the appropriate content and conduct a whole study of advice on the Internet. And it does not matter how your crisis proceeds - violently or quietly, the main thing is to find a foothold and start acting. It is action that can take you out of your stupor, and the smallest victories will inspire you to act further.

Psychology: how to quickly and easily survive a midlife crisis

It's time to act. First, stop comparing yourself to others. You are an individual, and also bright. You can't have everything like people. Let it not be! You strove to be like everyone else, which means that you constantly drove yourself into a corner, stuffed your “I” into a dungeon, for you the main things were children, a husband or a team. Now it's time to understand who you are in this world. A grain of sand or still a grain, ready to become a beautiful flower? Have wrinkles appeared around the eyes? Put on sunglasses. If you wear glasses all the time, put on tinted lenses. Dye your hair if it's gray. Get a cute haircut or French braids. Try, experiment, until you like yourself, and do not pay attention to the words of others about your appearance. And if you don’t like yourself, then you won’t be able to crawl out of the crisis. Now you respect yourself and can love. Choose beautiful clothes for yourself, sew colored buttons on your coat - color your gray world and drag yourself "by the hair" further. Get into the habit of eating vegetables and fruits: they energize. But smoking or eating stress chips should be quit. If there is no money for fitness, then just do light exercises in the morning. Remember: difficult exercises are not for a crisis. You need to start with what is guaranteed to work out so that you can praise yourself. Meet your friends, chat with colleagues, even those who are younger than you. Sincere communication with such people will make you young too. As soon as you feel that the energy has gone, try to do the same as during the crisis: delve into yourself - and you will see a real way out. What if you really need to change jobs, ask for a raise from your superiors, or just go on vacation and have a good time there? And you can just find a friend who will be instead of a lover. You can not let such a person get too close to you, but if he is a true gentleman, then next to him you will quickly feel that you are a lady. Self-esteem will rise by itself. However, there is a danger in such platonic relationships: they may be in danger of breaking, because men often want carnal pleasure from a woman, and not achieving it, they become disappointed and begin to look for another object of sympathy. Here you need to look at the circumstances.

The most critical age for women - statistics

Still, most psychologists believe that the most severe crisis in a woman coincides with the menopause. For different representatives of the fair sex, this process proceeds differently, and someone has an early menopause, someone has a late one. This condition leads to many health problems. Collapsing not only hormonal background, but all the sores that have not previously shown themselves so actively “crawl out” into the light. Like an old woman, the joints begin to hurt, the pressure jumps, the skin roughens, headaches, migraines appear ... In general, I would lie on the sofa and be fanned with a fan. And you have to work, work at home, raise children. If there is no health, then no activity will bring satisfaction. When, along with all this, there is also a revision of life values, the crisis turns out to be severe. hair. There comes an understanding that many processes can no longer be reversed. Alas, old age is one of the longest periods of life, and you need to be able to accept it morally so that it really is long. Psychologists have noticed that there are women who have not experienced a midlife crisis at all, despite the fact that their life was far from ideal. It was just that it was so full of events that there was simply no time left for soul-searching. Up to the point that someone's age of crisis coincided with wartime. The desire to survive on her own and save her children, concern for relatives who went to the front, evacuation or occupation - all this is a powerful stress, but at the same time it is a significant emotional work. And then - the joy of victory, the restoration of the country from the ruins and the associated enthusiasm. Living conditions are, to put it mildly, not the best, but there is faith and even every reason to believe that everything will soon change for the better. In peacetime, you can also change something for the better:

change jobs; go traveling; sign up for some classes, and preferably those that give positive emotions; adopt a homeless cat or dog; become a volunteer; secretly read adventure literature, where there are heroes who overcome many obstacles and come out victorious; watch movies of the same content.

And no matter how wonderful works with a sad ending are, during a period of psychological crisis they are forbidden to read and view. If you start a new business, then it should not be too difficult for you, otherwise failures will lead to even more depression. It is better to paint everything for yourself in stages, and rejoice at each new accomplishment. And then that swamp, from which you pull yourself by the hair, will soon become for you a clean water surface, on which you slide on water skis.

Fari Nurbaeva

Aesthete and erudite. He loves to study life and create cool things.

What is the essence of the crisis

Parents from childhood inspire that you are special and very talented. They comment on successes and small achievements with the phrases “You are a genius”, “What a great fellow you are!”, “You have a great future”. You grow, feeling like an asterisk, which is destined for a special destiny (a special destiny means a road strewn with accomplishments and achievements).

Doing well in school, winning Olympiads, getting into a prestigious university, and realizing that you are better at some things than everyone else only reinforces this feeling. Add to this the expectations of parents, friends of parents and neighbors in the country.

Everyone has their own scenario, but the result is the same: confidence in their exclusivity, faith in their special luck and dreams of the great. This confidence is also reinforced by the media and social networks who scream about the special talents that Mark Zuckerberg, Mozart and others had from childhood. Of course, when you come into contact with reality, everything does not always work out, but the first failures can always be justified: “Here, too, there were fails, or look at JK Rowling.” You wrap yourself deeper in the mantle of the chosen one, cherishing your ego and dreaming of a brilliant future.

Meanwhile, student years fly by, and suddenly you wake up in the formal status of an adult. From this moment on, life begins to pull you out of infantile dreams and makes you grow up, step by step, killing false “I” and destroying fantasies. The process goes pretty quickly, and by the age of 24, part of the personality dies.

Actually, the crisis of a quarter of life is the death of the false "I".

At 23–24, you are pinned, and at 25 you meet practically naked: there are almost no illusions left, the new skills of an adult still function poorly, you feel very vulnerable.

Yes, this turning point is very difficult to survive. This is really a crisis, so there is nothing surprising in depression, tantrums and the feeling that you are a complete nonentity.

gifphy.com

At these moments, it is important to understand that everyone goes through this. Someone's degree of tension is higher or lower, but everyone goes through it, and you will get through it. The main thing is to try to break as little firewood as possible, no matter how hard the pin.

How to deal with it

• During periods of exacerbation, do not make any important decisions.
• No need to withdraw into yourself, ignore friends and loved ones. They can support and give moments of happiness, even if they do not understand your condition.
• Enter the daily routine and develop your own rituals (for example, a cup of coffee in the morning). They will be anchors during bouts of depression and will be able to streamline life, which is very important when there is chaos in the head.
• If an attack of depression has already begun, then take a sheet of paper and write down all the thoughts that appear in your head. When the first wave passes, stop writing and throw away the sheet. Then try to turn off emotions, not wind yourself up and shift your attention to something else. For example, play with a cat or take a test.
• If you love your job, then you shouldn't leave it. In free swimming, depression can progress, as there will be no tasks to be distracted by.
• But if you don’t like work, then it’s better to leave, because unpleasant work increases internal stress and dissatisfaction with life will be felt more acutely.
• Accept reality and circumstances. How to use? Stop analyzing the situation and asking the question “Why?”. When you accept a situation, you let it go.
• Find time to be alone with yourself to streamline all thoughts.
• Work out or take a walk.
• Seek help from a specialist if it is really bad, and possibly take pills as prescribed by a doctor.

How to live on

When the hell itself ends (the process of destroying illusions and experiences), the process of creating a new self begins. Creating a real self without the dope of fantasies, the influence of parents and so on. A person comes to this period with two conclusions:

1. There is no purpose or special destiny. Your life is made up of your decisions and circumstances. The good news is that by doing this or that, you do not betray yourself, but simply choose the area in which you will create yourself. Freedom of choice is a gift of life.

2. There is no innate talent. There are inclinations, but they need to be developed, and only then they will turn into talents. The good news is that since there are no talents, it is impossible to bury them and again spoil your great destiny. So you can not worry, not be afraid to start something and try, because the success of undertakings does not depend on great talent.

The process of creating yourself consists of several steps:

1. Deal with your childhood traumas. This is obvious, but anyone who has worked with their childhood problems will say that this is one of the most effective ways to improve their lives and their mental state. It is impossible to move forward when you have bags of unfinished problems in your head.

2. Determine what you like, what attracts and what you want. As we have already decided, there is no purpose, and it is impossible to create yourself without understanding your interests. Sample questions:

• Who do I want to live with?
• What do I want to do?
• What I like?
• What makes me happy?

3. Explore your features. These features are waves that are hard and sometimes pointless to fight, so it's easier to understand them and try to build a life with your uniqueness in mind. Sample questions:

• What daily routine is suitable for my body?
• What rhythm of life suits me?
• What are the cycles in my life?

4. Choose the area of ​​life that is most dissatisfying and take action to change it.

And so, step by step, create yourself and your new life.

Note: All statements and advice presented in this article are the expression of the personal opinion of the author and may not coincide with the opinion of the editors.

25 is a special, damn important time.

You have already understood a lot, but what to do is not clear.

And it is not clear precisely because I understood a lot!

What to do?

Do what you think is right now. Not what others want or what seemed necessary before, but what you consider necessary now. Even if it seems strange or dangerous. It's about feeling like you're backing away, as if an understanding has opened up that you didn't notice many things before - and now it's time to try to realize them in order to live a full life.

Define your wildest dreams and go for them! Do not go for half-hearted tasks, do not try to deceive yourself and be content with little: go for what you dream about. It just won't, it will be difficult! But it will be difficult to go to an unloved job and live the life of a coward.

Try more! Go wrong! Cross the boundaries within the criminal code - yours and the world. Don't be afraid to fail, be afraid not to try! Try anything! The more attempts, the more experience. This is a world of ever-emerging opportunities. And the one who checks more learns to work with them.

Try the most daring you can! For example, if you want to become a director - brazenly try to shoot and post the most daring, unusual, crazy ideas on YouTube! Don't waste your time on wedding photography if you want to become a director - figuratively speaking. Don't underestimate what's possible with what's available now. The worst thing you can do is decide that if you haven't been able to do anything so far and most people are doing nonsense, then this is the limit of what is possible. The possible has no limits. It's just that the majority have not tried and will not try to do almost anything in their lives, since it's scary to go to your desires, but doing the same as everyone else is no longer so scary. Don't be afraid of anything!

Everything we do, we do not only for ourselves, but also for others. Therefore, whatever you do, study what people need. Ask, watch them. Whatever problem you solve, study whether people need it, what exactly is needed? Don't get hung up on your vision.

Meet the best, unite. Learn to perceive the views and experiences of those who are more advanced or live differently than you. Learn from those you would like to be like. It's better to bring coffee to the person you want to look up to for the first year and learn from him than to live a different life and do what came first to hand. Chase geniuses in topics that interest you, help them for free. Learn from them.

Don't underestimate a focused long-term effort!

Anything can be done in 10 years. Now it is important to try a dozen ideas and act very boldly, without compromising your dreams.

Let it not work out, the main thing is to be honest with yourself and keep trying. People (almost all of these "adult" people) are afraid, have not tried anything and act in the most predictable trajectory. Don't be like that! Be yourself and try what you want, no matter how daring it may seem. It won't always work at first. It doesn't matter, experience changes everything.

Can life become normal if a person has made a lot of mistakes in the beginning? I entered the wrong institute, now I’m working in the wrong place, I didn’t make real friends either. I know very well that it's my own fault. Just at a certain point there was no money to study where I wanted to. I already have a plan to build a new life: I'm going to move to another city, work and enter, finally, study where I wanted to at first, then become a specialist in the desired field. Only one thought gnaws at me: I'm already 25, I don't have a boyfriend, there is no hope for a personal life. I don’t want to mess with anyone, I’m already tired. And I can’t find my own, the only one, apparently because now I’m not doing my own thing and I’m not living my own life. I'm afraid that youth will leave, and that's it normal people will be already busy, and I will all rush about in search of myself. Are my fears correct, and what can you advise?

Ellie, Novosibirsk, 25 years old / 09.02.07

Opinions of our experts

• Alyona

  Lord, what is 25 years? No, of course, when you are 17, it seems that these are quite adults. I also thought so when I was a freshman and got to know my classmates, finding out their age. Among them were those who were 10 years older than me. So what? Disaccustomed, began to work. Everyone did what he was interested in. And life developed personal, and they were able to find a decent job, and managed to get rich, and give birth to children. There would be a desire and a will for that. And the fact that personal life does not add up at 25, well, it means that fate gives you time to correct the mistakes you are talking about. My girlfriend couldn't find a mate either. I also didn’t want to meet with just anyone (which is absolutely right), but there was still no real person around. So what? She is 34 and very soon she will give birth to twins from her beloved man, with whom she has been living for several years. Late? And who said that 34 is old age, when it's too late to change your life? So don't fill your head with nonsense. "Late" is only when death occurs. While you live - act, make mistakes, correct mistakes. That's what life is for, to live. Live not in the past, but in the present and future.

• Sergei

  It seems to me that you should think less about the eternal and live more for today. You are not already 25 years old, but only 25 years old. It's time to live life to the fullest. Young, active, going to study, well, great. And the fact that there is no boyfriend yet is just not scary. Everything will come in due time. You are going to radically change a life that did not suit you, and you know how to do it. Fabulous. Personally, I have always admired such people. I think that everything will be fine with you. So stop overthinking nonsense. Youth is a very loose concept, and if you are satisfied with yourself and life, youth will last for a very long time. In general, good luck to you and wisdom.